Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: I'm 51 years old, married, and have a grown son who's 30. I'll call him Butch. I'm writing to express my displeasure with computer greeting cards. I'm not knocking all computers, only the ones that print out greeting cards. If Butch doesn't care enough about me to go to a store and pick out a card -- even if it costs only a dollar -- for my birthday, etc., then he can just keep his computer cards.
Abby, please spread the word that it's the warm thoughts in picking out a card that really count. A card printed by a computer is cold, with no heart, no feelings. It's not what a mother deserves. -- HURT MOMMA IN GREENWOOD, MISS.
DEAR HURT: Please reconsider your stance on this. Many mothers never receive any cards from their children. Bear in mind that many of the software programs for creating greeting cards on computers are complicated. Even the simple ones take some time and practice to master. Rather than drive to a store, your son sat down at his computer and created a one-of-a-kind card for you. In my opinion, that's at least as much effort as going to a store and selecting one, and shows heart and feeling.
Remember when, as a child, Butch came running home from school with a picture he drew especially for you? That came from the heart, and this is no different.
DEAR ABBY: This letter is far too late for Mother's Day, but it still may do some good.
My family attends a small church in the southern United States. Mother's Day is one service I refuse to attend any more. The atmosphere for this service is funereal. The service starts out with songs like "If I Could Only Hear My Mother Pray Again" and "Mother's Marker." From there, they call mothers who are the "youngest," "oldest" and "has most children" to the front for a gift.
I lost my mom to cancer in 1991, and Mother's Day is the saddest day of the year for me. Even before my mom died, I would go to church and cry along with others who were hurting.
Parents should be honored every day, not just one day. Please, let us all be more considerate to those who no longer have a mom. -- STILL HURTING IN LUTTRELL, TENN.
DEAR STILL HURTING: Amen! And let us not forget the moms who have lost children to death. Be assured that they will never forget.
DEAR ABBY: So many people rely on what you write that I am writing to you to ask you to please print a correction in your inclusion of Georgia in the list of states allowing common-law marriage.
Common-law marriages created prior to Jan. 1, 1997, may be upheld, but those after that date will not. We do not want anyone to begin living with another under the assumption that their union will become legal. -- KIPLING LOUISE MC VAY, JUDGE, CHEROKEE COUNTY PROBATE COURT, CANTON, GA.
DEAR JUDGE MC VAY: I was unaware that Georgia changed its requirements for common-law marriage last year -- as were my library researchers. Thank you for pointing this out. In my own defense, let me say that I advised any couple considering common-law marriage to consult an attorney before assuming that their union is legal and binding.
Dangerous Fireworks Turn Celebration Into Tragedy
DEAR ABBY: Please warn your readers that fireworks are deadly.
Two months before his 4th birthday, my son Michael attended our family reunion. A Patriot missile launcher was part of the evening's fireworks entertainment. The Patriot, a multiple-tube aerial mine and shell-1.4G firework, was legal for consumer use. No one at the reunion could predict that the product would become unstable while firing, tip over and shoot horizontally across the yard.
Michael, standing between my legs more than 40 feet from the launch area, had only reflex time to turn his face before the explosive collided with his head, fracturing his skull and burning his brain. Our son remained conscious, actually aware of his head injury and its pain. He died the next day from the extensive damage.
That product was recalled, but removing only one fireworks product from the market does little to protect our children. In 1996, there were 7,600 fireworks-related injuries that received hospital emergency room care -- and this number does not reflect the countless number of injuries treated elsewhere.
Twenty-five percent of all fireworks injuries are eye-related. With a 90-year history of saving sight, Prevent Blindness America is expanding its annual fireworks awareness campaign by debuting "Light the Night for Sight" this June. Light the Night for Sight promotes safe and fun ideas for celebrating our nation's birth, including a walkathon in more than 40 locations across the United States.
Abby, please share our experience with your readers and let them know about Prevent Blindness. The information they offer can save lives. -- JACK, ROBIN AND STEPHANIE SHANNON, CARY, N.C.
DEAR JACK, ROBIN AND STEPHANIE: Please accept my sympathy for the tragic loss of your precious little boy, Michael. I hope your warning serves as a reminder of the potentially life-threatening danger that fireworks can pose. They do not belong in the hands of nonprofessionals.
Most communities offer spectacular pyrotechnical displays on July 4. Not only are they colorful entertainment, they can be enjoyed with the assurance of safety.
Prevent Blindness offers a free brochure that proposes alternative activities to celebrate our nation's birth with creativity and fun instead of flames or dangerous chemicals. It can be ordered by calling this toll-free number: (800) 331-2020.
DEAR ABBY: I am an administrator at a school that has both secondary and post-secondary occupational training. Like "Honor Student," I am offended at the insinuation that vocational students are low achievers who need a "lesser" school to attend. I applaud you and "Honor Student" for standing up for these students.
Our students are a cross section of the students of today. They include the average, below-average and above-average. Many in the post-secondary school have some college or a degree. These students are the ones who keep the public's cars running, the plumbing operating, repair the TVs and erect the homes. Don't forget that building the building is equally as important as designing it.
One point you failed to recognize needs to be noted. You mentioned the benefits to the students, but there is a benefit to the public as well. -- DOYLE SLATEN, PRESIDENT, FOOTHILL TECHNICAL INSTITUTE, SEARCY, ARK.
DEAR DOYLE: Thank you for pointing out the benefit to the community that vocational education provides. In addition to the courses of study that you mentioned, courses in medical technology, bookkeeping and accounting, court reporting, computer drafting, electronics, bartending and casino dealing -- to mention only a few of the options -- are offered. For those readers who are interested in pursuing this further, your local phone book is an excellent resource.
For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Caller to Telephone Psychic Finds Junk Mail in Her Future
DEAR ABBY: Last month I saw one of those late-night "psychics" TV shows. They were begging viewers to call for a "free psychic consultation," so just for fun, I did.
As I expected, they could not give me answers to any of the specific questions I asked, and they finally admitted they were just doing a tarot card reading based on the birth date I had given them. Unfortunately, like a fool, I also gave them my mailing address. I was told, "We need it for our records."
Immediately I began to receive pounds of junk mail each week and phone calls from every kind of weird and goofy outfit you can possibly imagine. My name must have gone to 50 mailing lists! I have called and written to have this stopped, but it's as though a horrible virus has been unleashed and just keeps on spreading.
When I think of all the waste I created with a short little phone call to a bogus psychic, it makes me sick. Please, Dear Abby, warn your readers. (You may print my ame.) -- CINDY M. BLACK, SEATTLE
DEAR CINDY: On behalf of my readers, thank you for the warning. Many of them may be unaware that once this kind of personal information is given, it may be added to a database or list that is later sold -- and resold (!) -- to generate income.
DEAR ABBY: I just ended a six-year relationship. When I run into people I know and they inquire about my former companion, I simply say, "We are no longer together." Invariably, they will say something like, "Really? What happened?" How can I answer them?
I would like to say, "None of your business," but I don't have the nerve. I'm not a teen-ager; I'm a 50-year-old woman. Abby, please give me a clever comeback to let them know they're being too nosy. -- DISGUSTED IN DENVER
DEAR DISGUSTED: When you run into people you know and they persist in asking for details about the breakup, simply say, "That's a sensitive subject at this time. If you don't mind, I'd rather not discuss it."
DEAR ABBY: I am 72, and this is my first letter to you. I've been recalling memories and entering them in a family-tree program on our computer. The letter from the lady who shared the idea of putting a business card in a child's pocket for ID in case he or she got lost in a crowd brought back a good memory.
We did the same thing in 1958 before our trip to the Hudson's Department Store in downtown Detroit to see Santa Claus, and our son was instructed to show his father's business card if he got lost and someone asked his name.
We had forgotten about it until Santa asked, "And what is your name, young man?" Our 3-year-old son reached into his pocket and, without a word, handed the card to Santa. Santa just chortled and turned to all of us, "How do you like that! The kid carries his own business card!"
So thank you, Abby, and your reader for jogging this memory that is going into my file. -- BETTY IN FARMINGTON, MICH.
DEAR BETTY: Thank you for sharing that sweet family memory with my readers and me.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)