For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Dangerous Fireworks Turn Celebration Into Tragedy
DEAR ABBY: Please warn your readers that fireworks are deadly.
Two months before his 4th birthday, my son Michael attended our family reunion. A Patriot missile launcher was part of the evening's fireworks entertainment. The Patriot, a multiple-tube aerial mine and shell-1.4G firework, was legal for consumer use. No one at the reunion could predict that the product would become unstable while firing, tip over and shoot horizontally across the yard.
Michael, standing between my legs more than 40 feet from the launch area, had only reflex time to turn his face before the explosive collided with his head, fracturing his skull and burning his brain. Our son remained conscious, actually aware of his head injury and its pain. He died the next day from the extensive damage.
That product was recalled, but removing only one fireworks product from the market does little to protect our children. In 1996, there were 7,600 fireworks-related injuries that received hospital emergency room care -- and this number does not reflect the countless number of injuries treated elsewhere.
Twenty-five percent of all fireworks injuries are eye-related. With a 90-year history of saving sight, Prevent Blindness America is expanding its annual fireworks awareness campaign by debuting "Light the Night for Sight" this June. Light the Night for Sight promotes safe and fun ideas for celebrating our nation's birth, including a walkathon in more than 40 locations across the United States.
Abby, please share our experience with your readers and let them know about Prevent Blindness. The information they offer can save lives. -- JACK, ROBIN AND STEPHANIE SHANNON, CARY, N.C.
DEAR JACK, ROBIN AND STEPHANIE: Please accept my sympathy for the tragic loss of your precious little boy, Michael. I hope your warning serves as a reminder of the potentially life-threatening danger that fireworks can pose. They do not belong in the hands of nonprofessionals.
Most communities offer spectacular pyrotechnical displays on July 4. Not only are they colorful entertainment, they can be enjoyed with the assurance of safety.
Prevent Blindness offers a free brochure that proposes alternative activities to celebrate our nation's birth with creativity and fun instead of flames or dangerous chemicals. It can be ordered by calling this toll-free number: (800) 331-2020.
DEAR ABBY: I am an administrator at a school that has both secondary and post-secondary occupational training. Like "Honor Student," I am offended at the insinuation that vocational students are low achievers who need a "lesser" school to attend. I applaud you and "Honor Student" for standing up for these students.
Our students are a cross section of the students of today. They include the average, below-average and above-average. Many in the post-secondary school have some college or a degree. These students are the ones who keep the public's cars running, the plumbing operating, repair the TVs and erect the homes. Don't forget that building the building is equally as important as designing it.
One point you failed to recognize needs to be noted. You mentioned the benefits to the students, but there is a benefit to the public as well. -- DOYLE SLATEN, PRESIDENT, FOOTHILL TECHNICAL INSTITUTE, SEARCY, ARK.
DEAR DOYLE: Thank you for pointing out the benefit to the community that vocational education provides. In addition to the courses of study that you mentioned, courses in medical technology, bookkeeping and accounting, court reporting, computer drafting, electronics, bartending and casino dealing -- to mention only a few of the options -- are offered. For those readers who are interested in pursuing this further, your local phone book is an excellent resource.
Caller to Telephone Psychic Finds Junk Mail in Her Future
DEAR ABBY: Last month I saw one of those late-night "psychics" TV shows. They were begging viewers to call for a "free psychic consultation," so just for fun, I did.
As I expected, they could not give me answers to any of the specific questions I asked, and they finally admitted they were just doing a tarot card reading based on the birth date I had given them. Unfortunately, like a fool, I also gave them my mailing address. I was told, "We need it for our records."
Immediately I began to receive pounds of junk mail each week and phone calls from every kind of weird and goofy outfit you can possibly imagine. My name must have gone to 50 mailing lists! I have called and written to have this stopped, but it's as though a horrible virus has been unleashed and just keeps on spreading.
When I think of all the waste I created with a short little phone call to a bogus psychic, it makes me sick. Please, Dear Abby, warn your readers. (You may print my ame.) -- CINDY M. BLACK, SEATTLE
DEAR CINDY: On behalf of my readers, thank you for the warning. Many of them may be unaware that once this kind of personal information is given, it may be added to a database or list that is later sold -- and resold (!) -- to generate income.
DEAR ABBY: I just ended a six-year relationship. When I run into people I know and they inquire about my former companion, I simply say, "We are no longer together." Invariably, they will say something like, "Really? What happened?" How can I answer them?
I would like to say, "None of your business," but I don't have the nerve. I'm not a teen-ager; I'm a 50-year-old woman. Abby, please give me a clever comeback to let them know they're being too nosy. -- DISGUSTED IN DENVER
DEAR DISGUSTED: When you run into people you know and they persist in asking for details about the breakup, simply say, "That's a sensitive subject at this time. If you don't mind, I'd rather not discuss it."
DEAR ABBY: I am 72, and this is my first letter to you. I've been recalling memories and entering them in a family-tree program on our computer. The letter from the lady who shared the idea of putting a business card in a child's pocket for ID in case he or she got lost in a crowd brought back a good memory.
We did the same thing in 1958 before our trip to the Hudson's Department Store in downtown Detroit to see Santa Claus, and our son was instructed to show his father's business card if he got lost and someone asked his name.
We had forgotten about it until Santa asked, "And what is your name, young man?" Our 3-year-old son reached into his pocket and, without a word, handed the card to Santa. Santa just chortled and turned to all of us, "How do you like that! The kid carries his own business card!"
So thank you, Abby, and your reader for jogging this memory that is going into my file. -- BETTY IN FARMINGTON, MICH.
DEAR BETTY: Thank you for sharing that sweet family memory with my readers and me.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Worried Parents of Gay Son Desperately Seek Advice
DEAR ABBY: Our 36-year-old son, "Bill," has just informed us by letter that he is gay. At present, we live on opposite sides of the country, so we can't sit down and discuss this.
Bill never married, but he has dated women and even came close to marriage. He is so outgoing that strangers invite him for holiday dinners. He's a college graduate, but changes jobs frequently. Bill spent four years in the Air Force and is always working out for a healthy body. He is Catholic and respects his beliefs.
My husband thinks we got the wrong baby in the hospital where Bill was born.
How do we deal with this? Can you recommend some reading material that will help us cope? Should we go to counseling or should Bill? Are there support groups close to us? Are gay people able to abstain from having relationships without hurting their mental health or their family? Will Bill be accepted by Christ when he dies? I'm too ashamed to ask my own priest. -- NEEDS ADVICE FAST IN FLORIDA
DEAR NEEDS ADVICE FAST: Homosexuality is not a mental illness, and Bill does not need counseling. However, your husband may need it in order to accept his son's sexual orientation.
I urge you to put aside your feelings of shame and talk to your priest. The church teaches that all people are called to live chastely according to their state in life. For the married that means faithful monogamy. For the unmarried, it means sexual abstinence.
I recommend a document called "Always Our Children," which is a pastoral statement by the Commission on Marriage and Family Life of the U.S. Catholic Bishops, specially addressed to parents of gay and lesbian children. Parents do not have to choose between faith and their children. My sources within the church also tell me that Christ already accepts your son -- so put your fears to rest.
For more information and reading material, and to locate support groups in your area, write to Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG), 1101 14th St. N.W., Suite 1030, Washington, D.C. 20005.
DEAR ABBY: I couldn't believe the letter from the mail carrier, and your response, about putting mothballs in the mailbox to deter insects. This is a very bad idea.
Though many people choose to use mothballs in their homes, they are not an innocuous product. The chemicals they are made from, either naphthalene or paradichlorobenzene, can irritate skin, throat and eyes, can lead to liver damage and have been linked with cancer.
Using mothballs in the mailbox would take this product public. Mailed items, which already pick up the smell of magazine scent strips, would absorb yet another toxic scent, especially difficult for those with allergies. And I'm sure there are plenty of mail carriers who would not appreciate getting a handful of mothballs along with their deliveries.
Please retract your endorsement of this ill-advised idea. -- CAROL DAVID, BERKELEY, CALIF.
DEAR CAROL: When I wrote my answer, I was unaware of the fact that mothballs could trigger a violent allergic reaction in anyone. Therefore, I retract my answer.
If letter carriers are concerned about being bitten by insects that dwell in rural mailboxes, a safer method of protecting themselves would be to wear gloves.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)