DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Confused in Arizona," a man who has the courage to admit that he is a victim of domestic violence. This is more pervasive than people think.
My personal saga began several years ago, when I went from one violent marriage into another. In my case, I filed charges and restraining orders against both violent individuals. At each point in the process, I have been subjected to ridicule and scorn. After all, only women are abused in this society, aren't they?
At one point, when I was in court on a domestic violence oomplaint against my wife, the judge, the defense attorney and the prosecutor all actually laughed out loud in open court at the idea that a man would file a domestic violence complaint. My wife got off, as you might expect.
Yes, I did end both relationships, but the damage has been severe. Counseling for men is woefully unavailable. There is a cultural bias that only women are abused in this society. All of the literature available for domestic violence victims refers to "he," "him," etc. as the perpetrator of the crime. It's no wonder we're embarrassed to report it.
Hang in there, "Confused." Get out and find a safe place -- but realize that you won't be believed, you will be laughed at, and there will be roadblocks at every crossroad in your recovery process. Thanks for allowing me to vent, Abby. We need outlets for our frustrations. -- NO LONGER TERRIFIED IN TACOMA
DEAR NO LONGER TERRIFIED: It is deplorable that you were treated with such insensitivity by officers of the court. Regardless of who commits it, violence is never a laughing matter.