To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Tips From Kids' Stylist Help Take Trauma Out of Trimming
DEAR ABBY: During the 10 years I have worked as a hairstylist, I have tried to make haircuts pleasant for children. Nevertheless, many are so terrified that all I can do is make sure they don't get hurt thrashing around in my chair. Parents can do a great deal to make a haircut a treat rather than a trauma.
1. Do not say "cut" to a small child. The word suggests danger and pain. Instead, say "styled" or "fixed" instead.
2. Try to take the child to the same stylist each time, so they can get to know each other. Also, take the child for visits that do not involve cutting, working in progressive steps from sitting in the chair to a haircut.
3. If the child has an older sibling, ask if the children can sit side-by-side to have their haircuts. The younger one may try to impress the older one with his or her good behavior. A parent or trusted adult may have the same calming influence.
4. Don't request an intricate or difficult haircut. It may take a long time and be unpleasant for the child.
5. If the child is fighting it, don't expect the stylist to continue. Fix the bangs and let it go.
6. Make sure the experience isn't a bad one: Holding a child's head forcibly is rarely helpful for the stylist and could be terrifying for the child.
7. Compliment your child on how nice he or she looks, and also on his or her good behavior. Tell the child you enjoy getting your hair cut.
8. Bring your own treat for the child, in case the stylist doesn't have any -- or has run out.
9. Never place a young child in the chair and leave the salon. Do not leave your older child alone in the salon unless you first instruct the stylist how you want the child's hair cut. You may be surprised to learn that your son wanted a Mohawk!
10. Usually kids are not naughty, just frightened. However, if your child misbehaves, put your foot down firmly. Do not allow the child to run around the shop -- floors tend to be slick with hair and water, and stylists use many chemicals as well as sharp and hot tools.
11. Never take children to a stylist when they are sick. Your child will be miserable having to sit still when not feeling well, and your stylist may catch what the child has.
Abby, I hope these suggestions will make haircuts more enjoyable for stylists, parents and especially children. -- GRATEFUL IN OLYMPIA, WASH.
DEAR GRATEFUL: Thank you for a letter that many hairdressers and patrons will appreciate.
DEAR ABBY: I have a solution for the woman who was concerned that high heels will mar her new parquet floors.
A number of years ago when I visited Westminster Abbey, I entered the beautiful Chapter House, which had a lovely parquet floor. At the doorway, there was a pile of booties (knitted or felt -- I forget which) designed to be worn OVER the shoes. Wearing them over shoes would eliminate the possibility of contracting fungus. -- DOROTHYANNE H. MACKAY, WEST MELBOURNE, FLA.
DEAR DOROTHYANNE: What a great idea -- booties to be worn OVER one's shoes!
Baby Left at Hospital Door Finds Love in Nurses' Arms
DEAR ABBY: Recently you printed a letter from "Dorothy," who was pleased that people with unwanted babies bring them to a hospital or police station, rather than leaving them to die.
That letter appeared in the Sunday paper on April 5. On the same Sunday, at 4:30 p.m., a newborn baby girl was found abandoned at the coffee lounge in front of the main doors of Legacy Emanuel Hospital's Family Birth Center in Portland, Ore.
I don't know if this was a coincidence, but we had never heard of a baby being left at a hospital before. The infant immediately received the medical care she needed and is doing fine. We nurses loved taking care of her, and we named her Star.
More than 200 people called regarding adopting her. Because of Star, attention was called to hundreds of other children in need of homes. Several of them have found homes!
Star presently is in a loving foster home, and if her mother doesn't come forward, she'll eventually be placed in an adoptive home -- making some family overjoyed, I'm sure.
We don't know the mother's circumstances, or why she felt she needed to leave her child -- but we are so happy her mom left her in a safe place. Wouldn't this be wonderful to read about more often?
I hope Dorothy's letter and this one will encourage mothers in dire circumstances to seek help, or to leave their babies where they'll be taken care of. -- JENNIFER BISSETT, R.N., LEGACY EMANUEL HOSPITAL, PORTLAND, ORE.
DEAR JENNIFER: Thank you for a wonderful upper of a letter. I, and many others, share your wish.
DEAR ABBY: I read your column every day, and it seems that at least once a week part of it is devoted to domestic violence. One would think that this problem is rampant in our country. However, there's another side to this subject that needs to be addressed.
All a woman has to do is charge her spouse with domestic violence, and he is automatically considered guilty and immediately removed from the house. My son's estranged wife has done this three times. The first time, the charges were dismissed. The second time, she dropped the charges when she learned that he had taped the incident, proving that she had no grounds.
The third incident is coming to trial soon. My son is sure to win the case, as it is obviously bogus, but there is nothing to prevent her from doing it again.
In the meantime, her boyfriend is living in the house my son is paying for.
I certainly agree that there should be no tolerance for domestic violence. However, the fact that many women are claiming it for their own purposes must be recognized. Speaking to police and attorneys, I am aware that this practice is much more common than the general public is aware.
I cannot sign my name, as my son's case is still in the courts, but I hope that you'll devote some space in your column to this growing problem. Sign me ... SEEKING JUSTICE
DEAR SEEKING: Thank you for pointing out that there are usually two sides to every story. I hope your son not only wins, but his wife will cease and desist from making her false charges.
Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.
Planned Parenthood Helped Teen Prepare for Happy Future
DEAR ABBY: Thank you for your recent response to "Pleased in the Sunshine State," whose daughter and son-in-law were helped by Planned Parenthood. Years ago, they helped me, too.
In 1970, when I was 16 years old, I met a man who was 23. Two years later, we were still together and talking seriously about marriage. I knew we were young. My one request was that we wait to have children. My fiance agreed.
My parents had never spoken to me about sex, much less birth control, so I knew nothing about how to avoid becoming pregnant after we were married. I decided to do my senior term paper on methods of birth control. In my research, I discovered Planned Parenthood.
When I explained that I wanted the information for my term paper, they offered to send a speaker to school to speak to my class. On the day of the presentation, many students were late for their next class! The hunger for knowledge that these 17- and 18-year-olds possessed was astonishing. The presenter used visual aids and handouts, and the students' questions were answered honestly and fully. One classmate was seven months pregnant. I wonder if her pregnancy could have been avoided had such an open, frank lecture been given seven months earlier.
I followed Planned Parenthood's advice, and when my husband and I had been married for three years, we decided to start our family. We had our two beautiful children when we knew we were financially stable and mature enough to care for them properly.
Planned Parenthood offers a safe, professional environment where people can take their questions and fears, and be assured they will receive honest information and reliable care for their needs.
If your readers are interested in a presentation like the one given at my school so many years ago, they should contact Planned Parenthood. Education and prevention should be everyone's priority. -- MARY CRUZ CAMPO
DEAR MARY: Although not every school district across the country will allow Planned Parenthood to send educators to their campus, Planned Parenthood is vitally interested in providing education and information wherever it's needed. To arrange for an educational presentation, those who are interested should contact their local Planned Parenthood office.
DEAR ABBY: In response to "Anonymous, Naturally," who was frustrated with late customers, I must share this story about our visit to Ireland:
Unaware of the closing time, my husband and I began shopping in a haberdashery shop in Dublin. The lone clerk began covering the tabled merchandise with large sheets. (That should have been a clue.) We told the clerk we wanted to buy an Irish cap for my husband, and we had come all the way from California in the United States to purchase it.
The clerk's comment was, "Ye should ha'e left 15 minutes earlier!" -- MARIE M. PEDERSON, SANTA MARIA, CALIF.
DEAR MARIE: Faith and begorra, the clerk ha'e a quick wit -- not uncommon for the Irish. Thanks for sharing your story; it tickled my funny bone.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)