DEAR ABBY: I recently visited my sister, "Betty," who wanted to take me shopping to buy me a birthday present. I explained it would be better to give me the money so my wife of four months, "Anne," could approve of the clothes I purchased. I told Betty that Anne had pitched a fit about some of the clothes the family had sent me at Christmas. I liked the clothes, but Anne wants exclusive choice in what I wear. To avoid scenes, I give in. She says I'm not accommodating her feelings when I mix up the matched outfits she picks out for me.
When Betty heard this, she became upset. She said that men can be in controlling relationships just as well as women. Betty's first marriage left her reeling from emotional battering, and she said it took years of counseling to regain her confidence. She said the same thing could happen to me -- men are not immune. Betty warned that soon Anne will try to change my eating habits, my cologne, my job, and finally want me to do something about my bald spot. I didn't tell her, but Anne already has.
I never saw our relationship as controlling, but now I am wondering if my sister's advice to "run as fast as you can" is wise. How do you see this? -- CONFUSED ABOUT CONTROL
DEAR CONFUSED: It's not unusual for a woman to want to make a few changes to improve her husband's (or boyfriend's) appearance. However, the way I see it is not as important as the way you see it. Are you comfortable with the changes Anne is demanding? If you don't mind making these concessions, no harm is being done.
However, if you do mind, stop making changes just to please her. You will soon know if there is a problem. And yes, men can be victims of a controlling relationship, just as women can.