For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Abby Is Called on the Carpet for Advice About Wood Floor
DEAR ABBY: I strongly disagree with the advice you gave to "Mrs. B. From N.C." You advised her to keep slippers by her front door to stop guests from gouging her new parquet floor with their spike heels.
Abby, who wants to put their feet into slippers that have been worn by others? For that matter, who wants to keep a pile of slippers -- in every size -- in their front hall where they'll be seen?
A basket of clean "footie" socks and a small sign that reads, "Please remove your shoes upon entering our home. Thank you." Should do the trick. And a framed bill for the parquet floor next to the sign would be a real decorator's touch. -- FOOTLOOSE IN PORTLAND, ORE.
DEAR FOOTLOOSE: I get the message. Many other readers also wrote to let me know they disagreed. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: It's not just high heels that ruin a quality floor; grit on the bottom of shoes also scratches. You told "Mrs. B." to keep a collection of bedroom slippers in all sizes near the front door. Abby, I'd be afraid to wear slippers that have been worn by others for fear of getting a foot and toenail fungus. Toenail fungus is a nightmare to get rid of.
When I lived in Hawaii, people removed their shoes at the door. Mainlanders, however, do not automatically do this. When I installed marble flooring throughout my home, I placed a brass plaque on my door that reads, "Please remove your shoes." Now guests automatically remove their shoes once they've been in my home. The men remember to wear their best socks without holes, and the women remember to paint their toenails! -- KAY CHIRICHIGNO, TAMPA, FLA.
DEAR KAY: Thank you for the input. I must confess, the thought of a foot fungus never occurred to me. But now I know it's a very real concern. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I'm currently fighting a particularly stubborn foot fungus that I'm convinced is the result of trying on shoes. There is no way -- I repeat, NO WAY -- I'd put on a pair of bedroom slippers that had been worn by someone else. I do not want anyone to suffer what I've been through, and I don't plan on taking any chances by wearing slippers worn by every Jane, Sue or Mary.
When invited to someone's home, attire appropriate for the occasion is selected -- including shoes. I think guests would be insulted -- or at least uncomfortable -- to find they are expected to change into slippers in order to protect a parquet floor. I found your solution to be neither subtle nor nonoffensive. I'd rather the hostess told me in advance that she'd prefer I wore low heels to avoid damaging her new floor. I would then choose an appropriate pants outfit for the occasion rather than a dress or skirt ensemble. Or, I might just decide that "Mrs. B." thinks more of her parquet floor than her friends, and stay home! -- JEAN P. TERRY, SPRING HILL, FLA.
DEAR JEAN: Your letter reflects the opinion the majority of my readers expressed about my solution to the problem. I stand corrected. Mea culpa.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Deadbeat Boyfriend Departs, but Herpes Legacy Lives On
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend (I'll call him Harry) and I broke up recently, so now I'm a single mother of a 3-year-old daughter. Harry gives me no money for our little girl and refuses to help me pay off the bills we accumulated together on my credit cards.
He immediately moved in with the girl he cheated on me with during our relationship. He was unfaithful from the beginning, abusive at times, and was never able to hold a job.
So, why do I feel like I still need him? Harry gave me herpes. That's why. Deep down I feel like no one else will ever want me.
I just don't know what to do anymore. Although Harry moved out months ago, and even though I hate him for what he did to me, I'm still making excuses for him. Please help me. I'm ... LOST IN NORTH CAROLINA
DEAR LOST: Harry is not the answer to your problems; he's the reason you're in this fix. It's time to rebuild your self-esteem and stop making excuses for a man who wasn't much of a man in the first place.
Since Harry is a deadbeat and the credit cards were yours, face the fact that you'll get no help from him. Focus on your daughter and paying your bills.
As for no one else ever wanting you, that's not necessarily so. An estimated one in five people age 12 and older in this country (approximately 40 million to 50 million) have genital herpes, so you are far from alone.
For a packet of information on herpes, write the Herpes Resource Center, American Social Health Association, Dept. PR85, P.O. 13827, Research Triangle Park, N.C. 27709, enclosing $1 to cover postage and handling. ASHA is a nonprofit organization dedicated to stopping sexually transmitted diseases.
Please write again in six months and let me know how you are. I care.
DEAR ABBY: Here's a funny piece a friend gave me. I hope you like it. -- RICHARD J. KOVAR JR., BEREA, OHIO
DEAR RICHARD: It is very funny, and I have printed it several times. I liked it so much I included it in my booklet titled "Keepers." A number of readers request it each year, so here it is again -- enjoy!
OLD FOLKS ARE WORTH A FORTUNE
Old folks are worth a fortune: With silver in their hair, gold in their teeth, stones in their kidneys, lead in their feet and gas in their stomachs.
I have become a lot more social with the passing of the years; some might even call me a frivolous old gal. I'm seeing five gentlemen every day.
As soon as I wake, Will Power helps me get out of bed. Then I go see John. Then Charley Horse comes along, and when he is here, he takes a lot of my time and attention. When he leaves, Arthur Ritis shows up and stays the rest of the day. (He doesn't like to stay in one place very long, so he takes me from joint to joint.) After such a busy day, I'm really tired and glad to go to bed -- with Ben Gay. What a life!
P.S. The preacher came to call the other day. He said that at my age, I should be thinking about the hereafter. I told him I do -- all the time. No matter where I am -- in the parlor, upstairs in the kitchen or down in the basement -- I ask myself, "Now, what am I here after?"
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Woman Stretched to Limit by Bills Beyond Her Control
DEAR ABBY: My life is so messed up. I don't know what to do. A little more than a year ago, my husband decided he didn't trust me with HIS money, so he opened his own account. I told him he could pay the bills and keep track of the checking account, but he refused, saying he wanted his own.
Abby, I have a good job. It's not the greatest, but it allows me to pay my bills. When I needed a new car, I got a second job to pay for it. I also needed money to smooth over the bad relationship between our daughter and her father. I gave her things I really couldn't afford, but felt I owed her something.
Our daughter needed a car to get to work, but her father wouldn't agree to help her finance one. She asked me to co-sign on a loan, and I made the biggest mistake of my life when I agreed. A few weeks after she got the car, she lost her job. I didn't realize that the car payment was being automatically withdrawn from my account, but I don't always check my bank statement. I was horrified when I saw there was a big shortage -- she had not deposited enough money to cover the payment. She told me she had, but that was a lie. She also lied to me about money several times after that.
I asked my husband for help with the account, but he refused and asked our daughter to move out. That meant she had to pay rent and utilities, so there was no way she could make up the back payments.
Abby, I am so far behind on my bills I don't know what to do. I tried to get a loan to consolidate my bills, but I don't have sufficient collateral. I have canceled all my credit cards, but how do I live with so much debt taking every cent, leaving me no money to buy groceries or anything else? I'm desperate. Sign me ... MAXED OUT AND CONFUSED
DEAR MAXED OUT: Get thee to a credit counselor posthaste. The counselor can act as a buffer between you and your creditors to arrange more manageable payments than your current agreements specify. The counselor can also teach you to use credit wisely. Look in your telephone directory under the heading "credit counselors."
Damaged credit isn't the end of the world. If you regard this as a lesson in life, you'll get through it with your sanity intact. Just be patient and diligent about sticking to a budget.
P.S. Insist that your daughter attend credit counseling with you.
DEAR ABBY: A year ago, my husband and I moved his 76-year-old mother into a very lovely retirement home because all her friends had abandoned her, she was seeing far too many doctors, and her daughters had given up on her because of her negative "poor me" attitude.
My husband and I see her at least once a week and her daughters call her every Sunday. The place where she now lives is expensive, but well worth it. She has met many new, wonderful people. So what's the problem? Her downbeat, negative attitude has resurfaced, and we're beginning to understand why people walked away from her before.
She calls me daily to give me detailed information about all her bodily functions. I dread her calls. I work hard to be an "up" person and have tried to be a supportive daughter-in-law because I know she's in pain. She is bringing my husband and me down with her. I have talked to her about the rewards of a positive attitude -- but the odd thing is, she seems to think she has one. Please help, Abby. What can we do? -- AT MY WIT'S END
DEAR WIT'S END: When people are sick and in pain, lose the friendships that have formed their "support system," and then are taken from familiar surroundings, it's not unusual for their focus to narrow and their aches and pains to magnify. As much as you'd like to, you may not be able to resolve this alone.
Waste no time in telling your mother-in-law's doctor about her mental state. She may need counseling, more stimulation or even medication to put her in a more positive frame of mind.
For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)