Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: Abby's Favorite Recipes and Abby's More Favorite Recipes. To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklets I and II, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)
Confiding Secrets to Strangers Provides Safe Venting for Some
DEAR ABBY: This has always puzzled me. Why do people who are virtual strangers tell you their deepest secrets?
I was on a first date not long ago with "Phil." Before the evening was over, he'd told me about his father's attempted suicide, the fact that he hasn't spoken to his mother in more than 18 years, and his sister's many bad habits -- all of which were described in detail.
On another occasion, the woman seated next to me at a seminar told me more than I ever wanted to know about her struggle with infertility. What gives? -- OFFENDED IN OTHELLO, WASH.
DEAR OFFENDED: Phil may have been talking to mask his first-date jitters. Many people use nervous chatter to hide their feelings. Or perhaps he mistook you for a sympathetic listener. You could have gently stopped his recitation by turning the conversation to another subject, or lightly suggesting that it wasn't necessary for you to learn everything about him in one night.
Some people confide in strangers because it's "safe." They are able to express their emotions and lighten their emotional burden without worrying about the other's reaction, or living with the consequences of what they have disclosed.
DEAR ABBY: I owe you a debt of gratitude. I'm a 20-year-old married college student. "Rick" and I married five months ago, and we live in Palo Alto, Calif. I love my in-laws dearly. They are kind and generous, but I do have one problem with them. They are so perfect they intimidate me.
They live in a lovely house that my husband's father keeps in good repair. The outside looks almost picture-perfect. "Jill," my mother-in-law, has made the interior look like a designer's pet project. She's a great cook, too. Neither of Rick's parents has every tried to make me feel inferior, but how could I ever measure up to their level?
Recently, Rick's father was sent to Oakland on business and decided to bring Jill with him. They asked to come to our apartment since they were in the area. I was scared out of my wits. However, among the gifts I received at my kitchen shower before my wedding were your two cookbooklets. I needed something that I, a novice at cooking, could prepare.
Abby, I chose my entire menu from your "More Favorite Recipes." Your tomato salad because it could be made the night before; your Sour Cream Chicken because I could assemble it early in the morning to cook just before their arrival, and the Heavenly Peanut Butter Pie. While I made the salad on Friday night, Rick made the pie. He also helped me with the chicken recipe on Saturday morning.
I'm happy to report that dinner was a great success. My in-laws were impressed. In fact, Jill said, "You've been hiding something from me -- I had no idea you were such a talented cook." Rick's dad was equally complimentary and didn't have to be encouraged to take seconds.
Thank you, Abby, for helping me measure up to Rick's terrific parents. Sign me ... GRATEFUL IN PALO ALTO, CALIF.
DEAR GRATEFUL: I'm delighted that my recipes helped you dazzle your in-laws. (However, I suspect your secret weapon was Rick, the kitchen collaborator!) Next time you entertain, try my carrot cake, the sweet potato pie or the brownies. They're not lo-cal -- but I predict there won't be any leftovers.
Man Feeling Low on Birthday Is Lifted by High Tech Cards
DEAR ABBY: I usually get a bit depressed around my birthday, and this past year was especially hard. Two years ago, I lost my grandmother, my father and a girlfriend shortly before my birthday. Also, my new girlfriend dumped me a year ago, just before my birthday. Now I associate my birthday with the loss of people for whom I cared deeply and I become depressed weeks before the occasion.
This year I received two cards in the "snail mail" -- one from my stepmother (which reminded me that my dad can never send me a card again) and one from my oldest sister. I was, however, surprised to receive an e-mail card from another sister and her two small children, another e-mail card from my younger sister and several from Internet buddies. The real kicker was an e-mail greeting from my mother! One of my sisters had shown her how to create a card on the computer and send it to me online.
Because of the snail mail and e-mail cards I received, I didn't feel quite so alone this year. In fact, it was the most loving birthday I've had in years. -- KEN IN GROVE CITY, OHIO
DEAR KEN: Congratulations on having overcome the birthday blues. Thirty years ago, who would have believed that so many people would own personal computers and use them for greetings and personal messages? This age of sophisticated communications technology is a marvel to behold, isn't it? Belated happy birthday, Ken.
DEAR ABBY: This is my first letter to you, but after reading about the woman's husband who urinates in their front yard, I just had to write. When I read your answer I laughed out loud even though I was alone in the house. I was reminded of a solution to a problem that we have here in the desert Southwest.
It isn't unusual for critters from the desert to cruise through town looking for food. The javelina (wild boar) especially can be a nuisance because it travels in family packs, and a group of at least six was checking out my porch every evening to see if my cats had left any food. I'd chase them away, but that deterred them only for a little while. I needed a more permanent solution.
Someone told my daughter about a group of beer drinkers who usually drank outside the house. Instead of going inside to urinate, they'd just do it in the yard -- and they had no problem with javelinas. Other people who were bothered by the pesky creatures tried it, and it worked. I finally talked my grandson into marking his territory in various spots around my yard.
It worked at my house, too. It has to be repeated every so often, but it's such an inoffensive way to be rid of the pests. I'm signing my letter, but do not use my name. It's a small town and I don't need that kind of notoriety. -- ARIZONA READER
DEAR ARIZONA READER: Thank you for an intriguing letter. Several readers wrote to tell me that urine is a pest repellent. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I don't know if you're aware of this or not, but according to the master gardener, Jerry Baker, urine can be very beneficial in the garden to control pests. I can tell you from experience that urine seems to have eliminated the pack rats that were around our home for years. Since pack rats can be very damaging to one's house, my theory was, "If a little urine gets rid of them, whatta deal!" -- TOM IN TUCSON
DEAR ABBY: Since those of us over the age of 60 are referred to as "senior citizens," that must mean that people in their 40s and 50s are "junior citizens." And if that's the case, it would follow that those in their 30s are sophomore citizens and adults in their 20s are freshman citizens.
If this is true, we would have a new age grouping system that eliminates "elderly" from our vocabulary. For those who ask what comes after "senior," the answer is, "Graduation, of course. We don't die. We graduate." -- GEORGE TIPPEN, SENIOR CITIZEN
DEAR GEORGE: That makes sense to me. And our post-graduate education depends upon the course we take here on Earth.
Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.
Wartime Correspondence Is Treasure Trove of History
DEAR READERS: In honor of Veterans Day, I want to tell you about a young man on a mission to remember our nation's veterans in a unique and meaningful way -- by preserving their old letters!
Andy Carroll is the founder of The Legacy Project, an all-volunteer, national effort that promotes a greater appreciation for letters and the art of letter-writing. All of Andy's letters were destroyed when his house burned down years ago, and he knows firsthand how important it is to save old letters before they're lost or damaged. He is also the editor of a book titled "Letters of a Nation: A Collection of Extraordinary American Letters" (Kodansha America), which was recently published.
Andy is now working with the Veterans Administration, museums and archives around the country to encourage Americans to search through their homes for historically significant war letters. These may include eyewitness accounts of battles or acts of heroism, encounters with famous military leaders, love letters, or any other irreplaceable messages or little-known stories that will offer historians and future generations a better understanding of those who served and sacrificed for our country.
The letters can be some you've personally written or received, or letters written by a relative from any war in which Americans were involved. (Remember Grandpa's old war letters in the attic? They may offer profound insight into the life of a soldier.)
The Legacy Project will direct all potentially significant letters to respected museums and archives, which -- with your permission -- will then preserve them for posterity. If you prefer to keep your letters, The Legacy Project will send you information on safeguarding them.
The Legacy Project is not looking for money. It is funded by proceeds from Andy's book.
If you believe you have a historically significant letter you would like to share, please send a COPY (no originals, please!) to Andy at: Operation Mail Call, c/o The Legacy Project, P.O. Box 21812, Washington, D.C. 20009-1812.
DEAR ABBY: Although I have read your column for years, I have never felt so strongly about something that I needed to write to you. However, I recently saw the movie "Saving Private Ryan."
Abby, I have never been so affected by a film in all my life. I'm a 29-year-old woman who has, thank God, never lived through a war -- except the Gulf War, which was short-lived. I was aware of most of the aspects of World War II because of what I had learned in school. However, it never before hit me with the impact it did when I saw it on the big screen. It was so realistic, I felt I was there.
I'm writing to thank all the men and women who have served our country, not only in times of war -- but also in peacetime. I have never felt as much respect and gratitude as I do now. And thank you, too, Steven Spielberg, for bringing this movie to the screen for all to see. -- THANKFUL AMERICAN IN NEW YORK
DEAR THANKFUL: Thank you for your timely sentiments, which I am sharing with all veterans today. Freedom-loving Americans owe a great debt to our servicemen and women who daily put themselves at risk to serve this nation. They deserve our unqualified support, and at least a moment of respect for their many sacrifices.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)