To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
CHANGE IN NAME WILL CAUSE BABY BOY TO LOSE HIS TITLE
DEAR ABBY: I am pregnant and due in November. I want to name my son John Charles Kwiatkowski III. My father-in-law's name is John Kwiatkowski and my husband's name is John Kwiatkowski Jr. Neither of them has a middle name. My sister-in-law says that altering the name, by adding or changing the middle name, negates the title. Don't the royals in England do this all the time? Who is correct? -- KELLY-JEAN KWIATKOWSKI, WARMINSTER, PA.
DEAR KELLY-JEAN: I can't speak for the British royals, but your sister-in-law is correct. By giving your son a middle name, you make it different from the name of his father and grandfather; therefore, he will not be third in rank.
Perhaps you might enjoy this little poem to include in your son's baby book:
YOUR NAME (Author Unknown)
You got it from your father
It was all he had to give
So it's yours to use and cherish
For as long as you may live.
If you lose the watch he gave you
It can always be replaced.
But a black mark on your name, son,
Can never be erased.
It was clean the day you took it
And a worthy name to bear
When he got it from his father,
There was no dishonor there.
So make sure you guard it wisely,
After all is said and done
You'll be glad the name is spotless
When you give it to your son.
DEAR ABBY: Regarding same-sex adults holding hands while walking in public, I was reminded of the orientation we received in the Navy in 1948, prior to going ashore in Istanbul, Turkey.
We were told that it was common for Turkish soldiers to walk in public holding hands, and that unless we wanted to instigate a fight, to simply ignore it. On the other hand, we were warned that men in uniform would be targets of ridicule if they ate an ice-cream cone in public!
Values, values and values -- all depends on where you are. -- RICHARD J. KLEIN, PHOENIX
DEAR RICHARD: You're right. In our ever-shrinking world, it's to everybody's benefit not only to learn about other cultures, but to keep an open mind as well.
DEAR ABBY: I recently received a wedding invitation from a relative in Oregon. I was surprised to see enclosed with the invitation a bank deposit slip and a request to help pay for the mortgage on their "dream house." Is this a common practice with wedding invitations? This request made no mention of money in lieu of traditional gifts. Am I expected to give a monetary gift along with another gift? The wedding is soon, and I'm waiting for your response before I send money or buy a gift. -- STUMPED IN SAN DIEGO
DEAR STUMPED: Send a gift and ignore the request for money ... unless you can send a little toy bird that says "Cheap, cheap!"
Home Fire Drill Is Important Preparation for the Real Thing
DEAR ABBY: I'll bet the majority of your readers think they'd be able to find their way out of their home quickly and safely if a fire broke out late at night. The sad truth is, only a small percentage of the population is actually prepared to do so. If there were a real fire, that lack of preparation could cost them their lives.
Let me share some frightening numbers with you. The nonprofit National Fire Protection Association asked a similar question in a survey, and our worst fears were confirmed. Although most people feel relatively safe from fire, only 16 percent of those who responded had planned and actually practiced how they'd escape if they had a fire in their home. That means nearly 85 percent of the population will be woefully ill-prepared if fire strikes.
And ill-prepared they are: The fact is, eight out of 10 fire deaths in the United States take place in the home. For that reason, it's critical that all of us practice how we'd escape in the event of a home fire; and then practice an ALTERNATIVE escape route in case the first one is blocked. The only sure way to know is to PHYSICALLY practice escaping before there's a fire. In other words: Hold a home fire drill.
Abby, your readers will have an opportunity during this coming Fire Prevention Week, Oct. 4-10, to join others in their communities in planning and practicing their own home fire drills at 6 p.m. on Wednesday, Oct. 7, during the North America-wide Great Escape Fire Drill. As the official sponsor of Fire Prevention Week for more than 70 years, NFPA has teamed up with fire departments all across the United States and Canada that will sound their alarms to signal the start of this first unified community fire drill. Individual families can then begin their fire drill at home. Information about each community's participation will be publicized locally.
Fire drills are the “Great Escape." I hope none of your readers will have to experience escaping a real fire. But it's something they all need to know they can do, and the Great Escape fire drill is a safe way to find out. -- GEORGE D. MILLER, PRESIDENT, NATIONAL FIRE PROTECTION ASSOCIATION
DEAR GEORGE: Thank you for this important reminder. And readers, don't forget to change the batteries in your smoke detectors. They are your first line of defense against home fires, but only if they're in working order.
PONDER THIS: “Be grateful for each new day. A new day that you have never lived before. Twenty-four new, fresh, unexplored hours to use usefully and profitably. We can squander, neglect or use it. Life will be richer or poorer by the way we use today.
“Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.” (Ralph Waldo Emerson)
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
All in the Family Are Winners When Ex Spouses Get Along
DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Kathy in Huntsville, Ala.," who complained that her fiance's ex-wife was too chummy with her fiance and his family. Talk about someone who has no idea how lucky she is! Kathy needs to rethink her objections and count herself, her fiance and his daughter fortunate.
My ex and I have a son. We're both remarried and live in close proximity. Due to joint custody, all four of us parents must communicate on the telephone as well as during drop-offs and pick-ups. How horrible it would be (and has been) if we were not on good terms with one another. We all attend his baseball games, etc., and extended family is often present. We all have a great time socializing with one another. How awful it would be for everyone concerned (especially our SON) if we kept to separate sides of the field and glared at each other.
Kathy has no idea how miserable her fiance's ex-wife could make her life. The ex-wife is trying very hard to be agreeable. Both sides need to do their best to build an amicable relationship. -- BEEN THERE IN CHICAGO
DEAR BEEN THERE: That's practical advice from someone who's been in the trenches. I hope "Kathy in Huntsville, Ala.," reads it and heeds it. Other readers wrote to comment on her letter. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: How can "Kathy in Huntsville" resent her husband maintaining amicable contact with his ex-wife? I come from a broken home. My parents divorced when I was 10, and if my parents had stopped being close friends after the divorce, my sisters, brothers and I would have been crushed. Moreover, it would have given us multitudes of opportunities to play one of them against the other.
The husband's relationship with his ex-wife is a part of him and should be accepted with the package. If Kathy expects him to behave as though she's the only woman in his life, or feels she can't trust him with the mother of his child, perhaps it is the "beautiful new life" she had planned -- and not the man -- that she's in love with. -- GLAD MY PARENTS STAYED CLOSE IN GEORGIA
DEAR GLAD: You have made some excellent points, and you'll get no argument from me. It's to everyone's advantage to maintain a friendly relationship for the sake of the child involved. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: My husband was divorced from his ex-wife 15 years ago. He brought two darling little girls into our relationship. Although it was sometimes difficult, we somehow managed to create an extended family, which included his ex. Once she came for Christmas morning breakfast. She occasionally took our son when we wanted to go out (he loved being with his half-sisters). One year, my husband even took us both out with all the children for Mother's Day breakfast. The girls were always delighted to be able to spend time with both families together.
Abby, please tell "Kathy in Huntsville, Ala." that having an amicable relationship with an ex-spouse makes for happier, more well-adjusted children. The girls are now lovely young ladies who are grateful that the adults could set their own insecurities aside to bring a little more joy into their lives. -- A.A. IN MERRITT ISLAND, FLA.
DEAR A.A.: I think you said it very well. Your input is greatly appreciated.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)