For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Grandfather's Quiet Words Are Child's Best Birthday Present
DEAR ABBY: This is for "Hot and Tired in Texas," whose father-in-law was upset because her baby was due on his birthday and he didn't want the "competition."
I was born on Dec. 21, my grandfather's birthday. No matter how much love my parents showered on me, I didn't feel "special" because I couldn't have birthday parties that were separate from the Christmas rush. Few parents wanted to take the time to haul their children to a kid's birthday party, many families were out of town, etc.
My grandfather, Alvin Johnson, was a simple, hard-working man who never said much. He wasn't a big talker. But he stood bravely and lovingly by his wife for eight years as she battled, and finally succumbed, to breast cancer.
When I was 15, my father and I went on our weekly visit to see my grandfather. That afternoon, he wasn't up to our usual visit to his favorite restaurant. Dad was worried about him, but he went on to the restaurant to pick up Grandpa's favorite pie. After Dad left, Grandpa walked to the window and stared out. I joined him, and we stood in silence together.
Finally, he turned and really looked at me. Very slowly, he said, "You were the best birthday present I ever got." I was stunned. He had never said anything so sweet to me. When Father returned, we had pie and ice cream with my grandfather for the last time. He died four days later. Abby, his words were the most meaningful birthday present I ever received. I have since learned to love and cherish my birthday. I hope "Hot and Tired's" father-in-law will learn that sharing a birthday with a family member is special, and that a healthy grandchild born on any day is a blessing. -- MINDY JOHNSON, SANTA MONICA, CALIF.
DEAR MINDY: Your letter touched my heart. Your grandfather's special words to you were, indeed, a priceless gift.
"Hot and Tired's" father-in-law has a lot of growing up to do. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: "Hot and Tired's" father-in-law should be ashamed. If you print my letter, I hope everyone he knows sends him a copy.
I'd be thrilled to share any day of the year with my granddaughter, but that's not possible. On Easter of this year, my beautiful granddaughter was stillborn due to a rare and undetected umbilical cord problem. My daughter had no complications during her pregnancy, so our loss was sudden and unexpected.
Maybe "Tired's" father-in-law would like to trade places with us: We'll go to the party next year, and he can visit the cemetery. -- RAVEN'S GRANNIE IN TENNESSEE
DEAR GRANNIE: My heartfelt sympathy for the tragic stillbirth of your granddaughter. I, too, hope "Hot and Tired's" father-in-law sees your letter. Perhaps it will help him reorganize his priorities.
Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I have two daughters from a biracial marriage. My older daughter, Sakura, was born the same day as her Japanese grandfather. My younger daughter, Mari, shares a birthday with her American grandfather. Both grandfathers were not only delighted, but amazed because they are both mathematicians, and they say the odds of this happening were astronomical and heaven-sent.
If these two men, who fought on opposing sides during World War II, can see eye-to-eye on the joys of life and God's good graces, why can't the guy in Texas do likewise? -- GERRY CHRISTMAS (MY REAL NAME), CARRBORO, N.C.
DEAR GERRY: Right on! What a perceptive observation!
FLU SHOTS CAN BE LIFESAVERS FOR MORE THAN JUST SENIORS
DEAR ABBY: Most of us know that people 65 years of age and older need a "flu" (influenza) shot every year. Soon we will see lines of senior citizens waiting to get their flu shots at grocery stores, banks and community centers. Many more seniors will go to their own private doctor to get protection against the influenza virus that kills an average of 20,000 people every year in the United States.
But where are the young people? Millions of people under 65 have certain medical conditions for which flu shots are strongly recommended. Please, Abby, urge your younger readers, including your pregnant readers, to read on and get ready to roll up their sleeves, too!
Flu shots are now recommended every fall for pregnant women who will be beyond the first trimester of pregnancy (14 weeks) during influenza season. Flu shots are also strongly recommended for people of any age who have medical problems such as heart or lung disease, diabetes, kidney disease, asthma, weak immune systems, and for those who live with or provide care for these individuals. Nursing home residents should get flu shots, too, and most do. Flu shots can be given to any person (6 months of age or older) who wants to reduce the likelihood of becoming ill with influenza this season.
While your readers are requesting their flu shots, they should also ask their physicians if they need a "pneumococcal shot." Pneumococcal disease kills up to 40,000 people each year in the United States. A one-time pneumococcal shot is recommended for everyone 65 and older, yet fewer than one-third of these adults have been vaccinated against this disease. This vaccine, like influenza vaccine, is also recommended for many younger people who have certain medical conditions.
Abby, please tell your readers the best time to get their flu shots is in October or November. And let's hope that this year's potential victims of influenza and pneumococcal disease will roll up their sleeves and get the vaccines that can save their lives! -- DEBORAH L. WEXLER, M.D., EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, IMMUNIZATION ACTION COALITION, ST. PAUL, MINN.
DEAR DR. WEXLER: National Adult Immunization Week begins Oct. 11 and runs through the 16th, so I'm pleased to print your reminder.
While I'm on the subject, I'd like to dispel a myth about flu shots. People do NOT get the flu from flu shots. The virus in flu shots has been killed or inactivated.
Readers who are most vulnerable to the flu should roll up their sleeves and line up -- behind me! (I had my pneumococcal vaccination two years ago -- the vaccination is good for a lifetime for healthy adults 65 and older.)
DEAR ABBY: When are you going to get through your thick head the proper status of a tip?
By contract law, a tip is a gift, although tax laws make it an exception to the exception. To request or expect a tip is nothing more nor less than mooching.
Payment of an adequate wage is the responsibility of management and not of the customer. We should patronize establishments that proudly display a sign "Our Help Are Paid Adequate Wages. Tipping Is Not a Courtesy Here. It Is an Insult." -- MOST SINCERELY YOURS, ROLLIE F. EMMITT JR., RETIRED ATTORNEY, PITTSBURG, KAN.
DEAR MR. EMMITT: I respectfully disagree. Although a gratuity is discretionary, tipping is a fact of life in our culture, and many servers rely upon tips to survive. The next time you go to a restaurant, chew on that a while.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
YOUNG SINGLE MOTHER SHOULD PULL PLUG ON INTERNET ROMANCE
DEAR ABBY: I am a 20-year-old single mother who met a man on the Internet. He is 35 and has two children. He was separated from his wife until recently.
Things were fine between us until his wife got kicked out of her house and had to move back in with him.
I love him to death and want to be with him, but since he is a new pastor and just got a church, he thinks he should try to work things out with his wife. He still sends me e-mail and tells me that he misses me and things are not going well with his wife, but it hurts me that he's with her instead of me.
Abby, should I stay in contact with him? Sign me, ANGUISHED ANGEL IN THE DESERT
DEAR ANGUISHED ANGEL: People can describe themselves any way they want on the Internet, and tell you anything, but until you meet and get to know them, you have no way of knowing how much is truth and how much is not.
Your "friend" is behaving like neither a divinity student nor a new pastor. If I were a betting woman, I'd wager that he and his wife were never separated, and the story about her having to move back in is an excuse to avoid making a commitment to you.
I suggest you cut your losses now, and look around in the real world for a real man and a real relationship.
DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Right or Wrong," who was concerned about whether ornamental pins should be worn on the right or the left side. Although there is no "correct" side on which to wear a pin, it should call attention to the wearer's face. For example, an animal pin should always be worn with the animal facing the wearer's face, so the viewer's eye is drawn toward the face, not the shoulder. -- MASTER JEWELER, BEDFORD, TEXAS
DEAR MASTER JEWELER: Although there may be no correct side on which to place a pin, there certainly are a number of opinions on the subject, each with its own point. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: You told "Right or Wrong" that the left side is the correct side to display a pin. Maybe so, Abby, but logic says otherwise. I make the plastic name tags for our church members, and I position the backings so that the only way to conveniently pin the tag is on the right. Why? Because when greeting a person by shaking hands, we always extend the right hand and our eye naturally looks at the right side of the body. If it's worn on the left side, the tag is not as easily visible. -- HAL WALLIS, DALLAS
DEAR ABBY: I wear my pins on the right side, not the left, as you advised "Right or Wrong" to do. The seat belt in my car crosses my left shoulder and interferes with my pin if I wear it on the left. -- RHONDA IN RHODE ISLAND
DEAR ABBY: I just finished the letter about women wearing decorative pins on the left side. I wonder if most women wear them on the left for the same reason that I do: My purse strap goes over my right shoulder, and I don't want it to catch on my pin. -- JAYNE COLLETT, SPRINGFIELD, MO.
DEAR HAL, RHONDA AND JAYNE: To each his or her own, but I don't want to get stuck on the subject of pins.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)