DEAR ABBY: I am very worried about my 32-year-old son. I'll call him "Rob." He is the oldest of three sons, all of whom still live at home. My two younger sons are doing well. However, Rob is very shy and solitary. He was fired from each of the three jobs he has held (as a computer programmer) -- ostensibly for being slow. He was advised by one of his supervisors to get into Toastmasters. He never did.
He lost his most recent job almost a year and a half ago. He now seems to be in a rut and has made no effort to find employment. His only social contact apparently is a weekly bike ride with his bike club.
I work, so I am out of the house five days a week. He has continued to pay room and board, as he had considerable savings. However, those savings are now drying up, and I cannot and will not pay his car insurance bill when it's due.
I keep urging him to get his resume up-to-date and start looking for work. He doesn't even glance at the help-wanted ads. His brothers have both expressed the opinion that he needs therapy -- but doesn't he have to want to get help for himself?
Two months ago I set a time limit of six weeks in which he had to be "actively seeking employment" or move in with his father. He did nothing except work on his resume a minimal amount. He justifies his lack of action by saying that he just keeps procrastinating. I did not enforce the penalty and make him move out.
I have a feeling he'll wait until he's almost broke and this may spur him into action. But then I worry that he may get fired all over again and his confidence will suffer even more.
I feel I should do something for him, but I'm not sure what. Any suggestions you could offer would be tremendously appreciated. -- WORRIED MOTHER, NORTH HOLLYWOOD, CALIF.
DEAR WORRIED MOTHER: Your son is overdue for a physical examination and a mental evaluation. He is not operating on all cylinders, and he needs more help than I can offer in a letter.