DEAR ABBY: I have been living with "Matt" for three years. He left his wife and two kids because the responsibility gave him no time to himself.
The problem is his ex-wife keeps after him to do things with his kids like he used to. His "kids" are 9 and 16 -- old enough to not need a lot of attention, don't you think? He loves them, but he doesn't have the time to see them on weekends, holidays or during the summer.
We lead a busy life. He just can't keep up with two families. If he spends time with my kids and his kids, that leaves no time for himself or for us.
He pays child support faithfully each month, but no one sees that as being a good father. What kind of response can we give people who ask why he never sees his kids or has them over? -- ALMOST NUMBER TWO
DEAR ALMOST: Don't try to defend the indefensible. Although Matt's child support payments are commendable, it takes far more than money to be a good father. His children need time with their dad, and it's not something that can be postponed because it's inconvenient.
Children's values are shaped by the example set by the adults in their lives. Their self-esteem rests on a foundation of knowing they are important to both parents -- regardless of whether or not they live under one roof.
I hope Matt will reconsider his attitude and reorganize his priorities.