DEAR ABBY: If a high school boy wants to take a girl to the prom and needs money, please tell him to earn it. He could knock on neighbors' doors and offer to do yard work, clean windows, wash cars, walk or groom dogs, etc. I did this with a friend in 1974, and I earned enough in one weekend. -- GARY NAJARIAN, SCITUATE, MASS.
Students Can Beat High Cost of Prom With Brains and Brawn
DEAR ABBY: In response to "Penniless for the Prom": I am a junior in high school and am on the prom commission. Our school budgets for this kind of problem. "Penniless" should talk to the prom adviser (usually one of the teachers) because a reduced ticket price is available for those who cannot afford it. The money saved on tickets can then be spent on other necessities -- like a tux. Also, get your group to go to someone's house and prepare dinner instead of eating out, and car-pool instead of using expensive transportation. -- READY FOR THE PROM, SANTA ANA, CALIF.
DEAR READY FOR THE PROM: I'm sure that "Penniless" will appreciate your helpful hints -- as will other high school students in the same boat. Many other generous readers took the time to send their suggestions. Read on for more:
DEAR ABBY: I thought you'd enjoy knowing how we spent prom night at our home:
Our daughter, a junior, wanted to attend the prom this year. She didn't want a date, but preferred to go with a group of friends. Seven of them got together and paid for their own tickets, which were a reasonable $10 each. They each contributed another $10, which paid for their dinner and flowers.
That morning a friend taught us how to make corsages and they turned out beautifully. We took the extra flowers and made three beautiful floral arrangements for the dining table. Other mothers helped in different ways to make the evening special. A close friend who's a college senior served as the waiter for the evening. We made a wonderful Italian meal, and tried to stay out of the kids' way.
It was a fantastic night for everyone. They are already planning to do the same thing next year. What great memories we have, and no one went broke in the process! -- JUDY AND ALAN PANNELL, FERNLEY, NEV.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 17-year-old girl who just attended my first prom at another school. I was appalled by the fact that tickets cost $95. (At my school they cost $10 a couple and seniors go free.)
My advice to "Penniless" is: If you need extra money, call some local business and explain your dilemma. Many plant nurseries are very busy during the spring and could probably use an extra hand for a couple of Saturdays before the prom.
I would also advise making some adjustments to prom night: Instead of renting a limousine, clean up your -- or your parents' -- car for the big night. Call restaurants around town and ask if they have a set menu. (They usually give you a choice of two dishes and everyone makes their selection in advance.) The set menu is usually much cheaper, and you are spared the embarrassment of not having enough money to pay the bill. To save gas money, ask another couple to ride with you and split the cost of the fuel.
If you still can't afford it, ask the girl and explain your dilemma. I'm sure she'll be excited and willing to share the cost -- but still as "more than friends." (I know I would.)
I hope this is helpful. Don't skip your senior prom. It's something you will never forget. -- GINNY SMITH, LAKE CHARLES, LA.
DEAR GINNY AND THE MANY READERS WHO OFFERED THEIR PROM NIGHT SUGGESTIONS: Prom night has evolved into an end-of-the-year bash for many high school students and their parents, and it's not unheard-of for kids to drop hundreds of dollars on limousines, hotel rooms for all-night after-prom parties, and other expensive items. It's refreshing to see that with a little ingenuity and cooperation among friends, it's still possible to have a memorable night without breaking the bank.
Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
TRANQUILIZER GUNS ARE SAFER FOR CRIMINALS THAN FOR POLICE
DEAR ABBY: Recently here in the Santa Rosa area, a police officer shot and killed a man who was behaving in an irrational manner. He was advancing toward the officer with a wooden bar in his hand.
A few weeks ago, a man was killed at a service station because he attacked a police officer with a screwdriver.
Abby, I think I have a way for the police to protect themselves without killing anybody if they feel threatened.
I have always enjoyed "Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom." When they have shown episodes where they were checking on the health of a potentially dangerous creature such as an elephant, rhino, etc., they shot the creature with a tranquilizer before approaching it!
It seems to me that having a tranquilizer gun in his hand instead of a .357-caliber Magnum would give the police the means to gain control of an incident, and allow everyone to go home to their families without being in a coffin.
Why can't the police use a tranquilizer gun in cases where they feel threatened? -- WAYNE IN SANTA ROSA, CALIF.
DEAR WAYNE: That's an interesting question, and one that I took to James Butts, chief of police in Santa Monica, Calif., who responded, "Tranquilizing agents don't affect everyone uniformly. Therefore you cannot predict whether or not you have a sufficient dose to tranquilize the individual.
"Second, any tranquilizer will take time to enter the bloodstream and sedate the individual. If someone is advancing on you with a deadly weapon or a threatening object, there's no way a tranquilizer would take effect in the two to three seconds it would take someone to seriously injure you."
DEAR ABBY: My brother and his wife moved to Paris, France, for business reasons about 10 months ago. Since then, I've been put in an awkward situation, having been appointed their U.S. domestic secretary on matters ranging from summer camp registration to resolving old traffic tickets, banking and even the filing of income tax extension forms.
In the beginning, I didn't mind being asked. I am organized, efficient and get the job done. I also feel that my children and their cousins have always been close, and that's important to me.
However, I am at my wit's end and want to bow out of any other assignments from abroad. Also, I have yet to receive one thank-you note or phone call of thanks from my brother's wife, who is known to be selfish and very self-centered.
Abby, how can this situation come to an amicable solution without upsetting all involved? I don't want the harmony among the six cousins to be damaged in any way. -- HAD IT IN LEXINGTON, KY.
DEAR HAD IT: Begin filling your communications with your brother and sister-in-law with how busy you are catering to the needs of your husband, your children and your job (if you have one). If you are given another assignment, explain that your schedule does not permit you to do it "right now." Gradually wean them from their dependence on you. As you become less available, they'll either get the message or find a more willing domestic secretary.
DEAR ABBY: I am writing to ask if you know how the story of the birds and bees goes.
I often hear people mention the story, but they never say how it goes. Please put this in your column because I know there are other kids who would like to know. Thank you. -- A KID IN PORT RICHEY, FLA.
DEAR KID: There is no "story." When someone makes reference to "the birds and the bees," they mean the story of "reproduction" -- how they came into the world. This is sometimes called "sex education."
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Children of Widowed Parent Often Resent New Spouse
DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Sad Grandpa" who, 38 years ago, married a widow with seven children. He now wants to remarry after her death, and his stepchildren are upset about it.
Perhaps his stepchildren are afraid not only of losing their stepfather, but also any property or belongings (monetary or not) that their biological father and mother would have left them.
I don't mean to make them sound greedy, but we all know from the letters you print that people who remarry later in life when their children are grown often forget that what they and their first spouse accumulated should be shared with their children. When parents remarry and are outlived by their new spouse, many times everything goes to the new spouse's family. And the children feel resentful and abandoned when nothing of their original family, monetary or not, is left for them.
Many clergy today require young couples about to marry to attend premarital counseling, but this is often waived for mature couples who have been married before. Perhaps these couples should also attend counseling which, among other things, would cover disposition of property and how each other's heirs will be remembered in their wills. -- ELYN KIRCHNER, MINNEAPOLIS
DEAR ELYN: I agree, it is unfair for all the assets to be left to another family. And premarital counseling is an excellent arena for ironing out such important issues.
It is also important, however, for grown children to understand their widowed parent's need for companionship in their later years, and to put forth every effort to make the new spouse feel welcomed into the family. Regarding the newcomer as an intruder can have painful consequences. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter from "Stuck in Oklahoma," I felt compelled to write. "Stuck" stated that her mother had died and her father's second wife was difficult to like. She said she didn't know anyone who liked the new wife.
I can think of someone who likes her: "Stuck's" father! The relationship with my two grown daughters was strained for years after I remarried. They slighted my wife, and indirectly me -- in many subtle ways. They would "forget" her birthday, and address special-occasion cards to me only, or behave rudely in her presence. Any intervention by me was met with protestations of innocence on their part. After the loss of my second wife, I had a belated father/daughters talk and told them their behavior had been inexcusable.
My second wife had never tried to replace my daughters' mother. She had simply given their father the love he needed to make his life whole again. Remember, children, it's not easy being a second wife or husband. Cut some slack, OK? -- G.W. IN SHARPSBURG, GA.
DEAR G.W.: Thank you for sharing your experience. Perhaps others will learn that when widowed parents remarry, the grown children shouldn't feel abandoned. They should practice the Golden Rule.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)