DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Ashley" for three years. During this time we have learned a great deal about each other, have compromised on many issues, and are very close to getting married.
There is one issue that stands in the way. Ashley feels that it is OK to keep secrets from each other. By secrets, I don't mean things from the past, but current day-to-day matters. For example, when I ask who she was talking to after she hangs up the phone, or inquire about her activities if we haven't seen each other for a few days, she thinks I'm prying.
I don't think I can ever trust someone who withholds things from me. I feel that for two people to be really close, there can be no secrets. Her withholding creates a sense of insecurity in me. Abby, is it normal for people in a relationship to withhold information from each other? -- SECRETLY WONDERING
DEAR WONDERING: If you cannot stop questioning her and she is unable to be more forthcoming, the two of you are facing a serious obstacle. I urge you to seek counseling and resolve it before you marry.
If you trust her, you should not need to know to whom she was talking every time she hangs up the phone, nor should you grill her about her activities in your absence. On the other hand, part of a healthy level of communication between couples is the sharing of information through normal conversation.
Remember, there is a difference between keeping secrets and maintaining privacy.