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by Abigail Van Buren

Secret of Child's Parentage Will Likely Be Uncovered

DEAR ABBY: The pain I am feeling is so great it doesn't allow me even to cry. I have been married to my second husband for more than 17 years. This week I found out that he is bisexual and has been having one-night stands during our 17 years together, events that have increased over the past four years.

I know I need to find a counselor to help me work through this. I will start the process of finding one today. My husband claims I am the only person he has ever loved, and that he can stop his bisexual activity if I just give him another chance. Even if he could -- and that's my question to you -- I'm not sure I would ever be able to trust him again or be comfortable making love which, until now, has been a very satisfying part of our relationship.

With your vast years of experience and knowledge about the human personality, do you know if it is possible, or even likely, that an active bisexual person can stop the attraction to same-sex partners? My husband says he's only kissed one man and that he gets his gratification from touching -- massage, etc.

Yes, I'm going for an AIDS test today. -- HEARTBROKEN IN PLEASANTON, CALIF.

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Since your husband is bisexual, his attraction to both sexes is natural for him, and he will always be attracted to members of both sexes. And since his infidelities with men have increased over the last four years, it would seem that either his attraction to men is increasing, or he is less in control of his impulsive behavior than he believes.

You have my sincere sympathy for the pain you are experiencing, and you are on the right track to seek professional counseling and have an HIV test immediately.