Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
POWER OF ATTORNEY CAN RELIEVE STRESS OF FAMILY EMERGENCY
DEAR ABBY: I am writing this letter to suggest that your readers think about giving a power of attorney to a trusted relative to be used in case of emergency. This is especially important for single adults.
The cost of having this document prepared is relatively inexpensive compared to what you will pay if someone must petition for guardianship.
I speak from experience. My father suffered a major stroke that left him totally incapacitated. Legally I could not even stop his mail without a power of attorney, let alone access his checking account to pay his bills, cancel his apartment lease or admit him to a nursing home.
I was forced to initiate guardianship proceedings that were costly, stressful and time-consuming. The cost for our simple uncontested guardianship was $3,000. -- SUSAN
DEAR SUSAN: Good advice. None of us knows when an emergency may arise when we will need the help of someone to take care of our financial affairs until such time as we can resume responsibility. NOTE: Powers of attorney are not necessarily permanent. They can be revoked any time you wish.
DEAR ABBY: As a flight attendant for a major airline for the past 16 years, I have dealt with people from all walks of life. I sincerely strive to make each passenger's flight enjoyable, and I feel compassion for those who are physically or mentally challenged, elderly, and children traveling alone.
For the past five years I have struggled with a weight problem and have been working hard to regain my self-esteem and healthy physique. My sensitive nature has been sorely challenged with comments from well-meaning individuals, due to my weight. Remarks such as, "When are you due?" "How much do you weigh?" and "How much longer do you have before you go on maternity leave?" hurt me deeply.
Abby, can you suggest an appropriate response to such comments? Regaining my self-worth has become crucial, and I must discover a way to continue my job as a flight attendant without further damage to my self-esteem. -- HURTING IN CINCINNATI
DEAR HURTING: The most appropriate response to questions about your pregnancy would be, "I'm not pregnant." People who make insulting comments about your weight are cruel, but if you appear to be pregnant when you are not, take it as a wake-up call.
I urge you to seriously consider a diet and exercise program immediately. Please, make your first order of business a call to your physician, requesting a referral to a dietitian registered with the American Dietetic Association.
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I are having a disagreement and hope you will settle it.
We have both been married before. For my first marriage, I wore a plain dress because we were married at the courthouse by a judge. I was told that a bride could never wear white at her wedding if she had been married before. My boyfriend says I can. What do you think? -- GETTING MARRIED SOON
DEAR GETTING MARRIED: Wear whatever makes you happy. Traditionally, first-time brides wore white. But nowadays brides wear whatever they want when they walk down the aisle. Brides have been known to marry in everything from bathing suits to fur coats -- to nothing at all!
Lack of Love in Marriage Is Reason Enough to Leave
DEAR ABBY: This is in response to your column, "Abused Wife Learns What Love Isn't." Similarly, after 15 years with an abusive woman, I told her I had to leave. She left me emotionally overwrought and filled with undirected anger. With the help of counseling, I also figured out what love isn't. Ladies: If you see yourself in this -- take warning:
LOVE ISN'T ...
-- Saying, "You don't know what you're talking about" when your husband says that he doesn't feel loved.
-- Constantly badgering your husband to get a better paying job, when he makes an ample salary ($90,000 a year) and enjoys his work.
-- Continuously referring to your husband as "old man," knowing he resents it, especially when he's athletic and youthful looking for his age (48).
-- Grabbing and throwing your husband's hand down when he reaches out to touch or hold you.
-- Belittling your husband before others, even in his presence.
-- Telling your husband that no other woman would want him.
-- Blatantly seeking expensive, tangible "trappings of influence" for status' sake, to the detriment of living within means.
-- Not knowing or taking interest in what your husband does at work, realizing his work means a lot to him.
-- Consciously not being home or at the airport to welcome your husband after a long trip.
-- Reading and annoyingly chewing ice in bed until husband falls asleep, and feigning sleep until after husband leaves for work.
-- Refusing to visit husband's relatives, while demanding frequent visits to your relatives. -- THE GOODBYE HUSBAND WHO FINALLY FOUND TRUE LOVE AND CONTENTMENT IN RESTON, VA.
DEAR GOODBYE HUSBAND: What a sad description of lonely coexistence -- I hesitate to call it a marriage. Fortunately, not all women are like the first one you married. Congratulations on having found true love and contentment the second time around.
DEAR ABBY: In response to the father who wrote regarding leaving his 4- and 2-year-olds home from the family cruise: I was that 4-year-old, 24 years ago. My patents took my brother and sister to Disneyland, and I stayed behind with both sets of grandparents.
I would like to tell that father to do as you suggested: Plan special times for the kids at home -- ice cream excursions, nature walks, kids' museums, children's theaters, craft hour or going out for dinner. Make it extra-special for them, so they can tell the older ones when they return.
Being the younger child has its advantages later on in life. I was lucky to have my mom and dad to myself once the other kids left for college. I became an "only child" for a few years, and I would not have traded that quality time for anything in the world.
I hope the parents do some creative planning and go on their trip and enjoy. -- ADJUSTED IN PORTLAND, ORE.
DEAR ADJUSTED: I'm printing your supportive letter for that father to see. There is nothing as reassuring as the voice of experience.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JEANNE, my beautiful, talented firstborn. You are loved.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
FRIEND'S GIFT FROM THE HEART BECOMES POET'S INSPIRATION
DEAR ABBY: I have read your column daily for many years and greatly enjoy your letters on random acts of kindness. Yesterday I read the letter about Darlene Godsey's husband, who came home a quadriplegic after an overdose of anesthesia during open-heart surgery, and how her friends rallied together to repair the things she had formerly relied on her husband to do.
It reminded me of something my quadriplegic friend Bernie did for me several years ago during a very lonely and difficult time in my life. I wrote occasional verse and had been sharing my poems with him over a bulletin board service via our personal computers. Through time we became good friends.
Unbeknown to me, he took the following verse of mine, had it printed in "Queen's English" and beautifully framed, and presented it to me as a gift, for no particular reason. That was a turning point in my life and inspired me to continue my writing and share it with others.
I have just recently completed my first poetry and verse manuscript and am hopeful it may be published someday. Bernie's gift, titled "Lessons You Learned," now has its own special place on my wall and is a daily reminder of the "random acts of kindness" that inspired me originally to write it.
I am sharing it with you in the hope that it will help people along life's journey either to recognize their own gifts or help someone else along their way. If you print it, I thank you. If you cannot, I understand you cannot print every letter you receive. I will continue to faithfully read your column because you so often touch so many hearts, and have often touched mine. -- MARLENE GERBA, MILWAUKIE, ORE. DEAR MARLENE AND DEAR READERS: Unfortunately, I am unable to publish all of the letters or the lovely poems I receive. However, this one moved me so deeply that I am compelled to share it. Read on:
LESSONS YOU LEARNED by Marlene Gerba
For every petal you pluck from a daisy,
You're granted one measure of love.
For every rainbow you find with two ends,
I wish you two stars from above.
For every tear you brush from a cheek,
I promise you kindness will follow.
Wherever you walk, under rainbows or stars,
Over daisies, or down lonely hollow.
For every child you play with and talk to,
I grant you one heart full of laughter.
For every smile you place on a face,
I promise you peace ever after.
If you think "I" am giving you priceless gifts,
Look close at yourself and your deeds.
The gifts you earned were the lessons you learned
While answering other folks' needs.
CONFIDENTIAL TO 'STILL TRYING TO CATCH THE BRASS RING IN HAWAII': In the words of Arnold Palmer, world champion golfer, "The road to success is always under construction."
For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)