For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Parents Begin to See Through Son's Long Distance Deception
DEAR ABBY: We need advice about our 21-year-old son. We are a military family stationed overseas. Our son started college in the United States in June 1994. We give him $400 per month to help with his expenses, plus additional money for emergencies.
He phoned us a few days ago asking for more money for his tuition. No problem. But when we telephoned the school to get an address, we discovered that he is no longer a student! In fact, he dropped out in August 1994, after excessive absenteeism.
He never remembers us on Christmas or holidays, nor does he ever mention the gifts and money we send him. We have found that almost everything he tells us is a lie. When we confront him, he cries and says he's sorry.
We've always tried to support him and his decisions, but I'm getting tired of his behavior. He never finishes anything.
We urged him to go to college after high school, but he joined the Army instead. After one year, he dropped out. We don't know why, and when we asked, we were given an unbelievable story.
My husband and I both work hard, and we're not wealthy. Our other two children are on their own and self-supporting. My husband wants to continue to send this son money. I want to stop, hoping he will grow up.
Abby, we need unbiased advice. -- MILITARY MOM IN ASIA
DEAR MILITARY MOM: Your son sounds like an accomplished "con" man. However, he is an adult now. You do him no favors by continuing to support him and caving in to his lies. Write him a letter telling him what you know about his deception. Send him a final check, and tell him to get a job if he doesn't already have one.
DEAR ABBY: I would like to respond to the many letters I have read in your column from women who complain about how some men treat them.
I dated a woman for quite a while, and from the very moment we met, it was obvious to me that she would not be treated as anything BUT the lady she considered herself to be.
She projected it in many ways: She spoke in a ladylike manner, she walked like a lady and dressed in a very feminine manner -- not to say at all that she was lacking in passion or cool to the touch. Quite the opposite!
I responded in kind, and it was a pleasure to be with her. When we were together, I became the gentleman I wanted to be, and vice versa! Any ladies out there? -- WARREN
DEAR WARREN: MANY ladies out there! They don't always come well-dressed, well-spoken or traditionally "feminine" in manner. I have encountered many plain-spoken, trouser-clad, less-than-graceful women who have great depth, high moral standards and sensitive, caring souls. It is not simply a matter of how she dresses and speaks, but rather it's how she THINKS.
When you treat women with respect, it is usually reciprocated.
DEAR ABBY: I'm responding to your printing the Ten Commandments in your column and the complaints you received: You cannot please all the people all the time.
I would like to add: You did please the most important one -- God himself.
Some of your readers said you left out some words or misquoted the commandments. Abby, it depends on the version from which you quoted. It is not the commandments that differ; it's only the way they are said.
God bless you. -- FAITHFUL READER, SEALED WITH HIS LOVE AND MINE, PEORIA, ARIZ.
DEAR FAITHFUL READER: Thanks. I needed that.
Avoid Being Taken by 'Charity' by Giving Only Through Mail
DEAR ABBY: Your recent piece on telephone scams aimed at seniors prompts me to share some ways of preventing being taken. After 34 years in enforcing consumer protection laws, now retired, I learned that there are two ways to avoid becoming the victim of a scam.
First, never contribute to a "charitable" organization over the telephone, even if you are familiar with the name. Ask that the caller send you a written solicitation. If they have your telephone number, they also have your address. Callers who decline to send me a written solicitation or insist on a telephone pledge find themselves talking into a dead line because I hang up.
Second, never buy anything by telephone, unless you dial the call. Whenever I receive a telephone solicitation, I tell the caller that I NEVER buy anything over the telephone -- and I never contribute in response to a telephoned solicitation for ANY charity. -- ALBERT F. LIMBERG, CONCORD, CALIF.
DEAR MR. LIMBERG: Thank you for a valuable clarification. And in addition, if the "charity caller" says that he or she is phoning because it saves the charity postage costs -- ignore it, and get the request in writing.
DEAR ABBY: In response to your column in the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, "Abby Takes Heat for Printing the Ten Commandments" -- let me offer this response.
Just think of all the readers you touched and informed with your column on the Ten Commandments. Bravo! And even the criticism was a learning experience for both you and your millions of readers. Mahatma Gandhi said it best: "Throughout my life I have gained more from my critic friends than from my admirers, especially when the criticism was made in a courteous and friendly manner."
So, Abby, keep on keeping on. Your "critic friends" are alert and concerned readers. As the cynic would say, "I don't know what you're doing wrong -- but keep it up!"
Shalom. -- FATHER GUY GURATH, IMMACULATE CONCEPTION CHURCH, JUNEAU, WIS.
DEAR FATHER GUY: Thank you for the kind words. I was surprised by the amount of critical mail my column generated.
DEAR ABBY: Regarding your letter about the Ten Commandments: I am reminded of the church minister who told his deacon that someone had stolen his bicycle and he suspected that the thief was a member of his congregation.
The next Sunday he decided to preach a sermon about the Ten Commandments because he felt that when he got to the commandment that says, "Thou shalt not steal," the thief would be shamed into returning the bicycle.
The next Sunday, his topic was the Ten Commandments, but about halfway through his sermon, he abruptly switched his sermon to another subject.
Later the deacon asked him why he had changed his sermon. "Well," the minister said, "when I got to the commandment that says, 'Thou shall not commit adultery,' I remembered where I left my bicycle." -- DON MASSEY, LITTLE ELM, TEXAS
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
MAN'S HOSPITAL BEDSIDE MANNER FORCES ROOMMATE TO BAIL OUT
DEAR ABBY: During a recent hospital stay, I shared a room with a younger woman (I am 41, she is about 25). We both had surgery. I was quite miserable and groggy, lying in my bed, and I remember when they wheeled her into the room and pulled the curtain. Her "fiance" followed them into the room after her surgery, and immediately started to make telephone calls -- one after the other -- telling them all the sordid details of her appendectomy. He would hang up, then call somebody else and tell them the same thing.
The woman never said anything -- I think she was still out from the anesthesia. I was happy to hear that he was going home to change clothes. Finally he left, and I drifted back off to sleep. A few hours later, he returned with a ton of aftershave on. Again he picked up the phone and proceeded to hog it.
I finally requested a room transfer, and I'm sure they didn't have a clue as to why I had to get away from him.
If he recognizes himself in this letter, please give a little consideration to the other person in the room. It is a curtain that separates us -- not the Berlin Wall! And don't overkill on the perfume. We are in the hospital because we are sick, and the smell can make it worse. Also, do not hog the telephone to call everyone you know to tell them that so-and-so is in the hospital. GO HOME TO DO IT! -- C.Y., CHAFFEE, MO.
DEAR C.Y.: Thank you for a super letter. I'll bet this goes up on a couple of hundred bulletin boards in umpteen hospitals.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 48-year-old happily married woman with three adult children. The youngest one is graduating from high school this year. My mother died six years ago, and my father married a woman who has a personality that's very difficult for me to like. (We don't know anyone who really likes her.)
We have them over, and as far as she knows, everything is fine. But she not only comes between Dad and his family, she also creates an atmosphere where none of us can be ourselves.
We would love to see Dad by himself sometimes (when she comes over she takes over the conversation).
We don't want another happy occasion spoiled, as has happened so many times in the past.
Abby, when there is a second marriage, is it unreasonable to ask the parent not to include the new spouse in some family get-togethers? -- STUCK IN OKLAHOMA
DEAR STUCK: I wouldn't recommend it. Play it safe, bite your tongue and invite her.
DEAR ABBY: My dear friend has a habit that is driving me crazy. She comes to my house often, which is not the problem. But when she is there, she checks out any invitations, notices or upcoming events I've circled and put on my refrigerator or clipped to a magnet. She then asks who, what, when and why. I've become so uncomfortable I put everything away when she comes to visit.
It's not funny anymore when she "jokingly" says, "Oh, you're doing this with your other friends." We spend a great deal of time together, but I do have other friends and I don't always want to include her. Do you have any suggestions? -- HATE TO BE RUDE
DEAR HATE TO BE RUDE: Your friend is trying to put you on the spot, but you are under no obligation to justify your other activities to her. The next time she comments, say, "Yes, I'm looking forward to that." Then turn the conversation to another topic.
CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS: Easter is nearly here, so if you plan to surprise a child with a live rabbit, baby duck or chick, please consider this: Living creatures need proper care. Unless you are absolutely certain that the little pet will receive the care it needs to survive, please give a stuffed bird or animal instead. Baby animals, regardless of how cute they are, should not be given to young children on impulse. Animals are not "toys" to be mauled, abused or neglected.
Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)