DEAR ABBY: One of my family members was recently married. She kept her last name and added her husband's name to it, so that she is now Mary Smith-Jones. Her husband is, of course, Harry Jones.
This past Christmas, my parents bought them a gift and addressed the card to "The Jones Family." My relative threw a fit, complaining that she was not included on the card. My mother countered that had she addressed the card to the "Smith-Jones Family," the husband would not have been included.
The way I see it, my mother is right. If the gift were only to my relative, it would be addressed to Mary Smith-Jones, but if it's to both, it should be "The Jones Family."
What is the proper way to address the whole family? Do we have to write out Mr. Jones and Mrs. Smith-Jones? To me, that's just a waste of time when we could simply write "The Jones Family."
Please settle this controversy and tell us how it's done. -- FEUDING FAMILY
DEAR FEUDING FAMILY: According to the etiquette books, you will have to make the extra effort if you wish to properly address the entire family. As it says in "The Amy Vanderbilt Complete Book of Etiquette, Entirely Rewritten and Updated," by Nancy Tuckerman and Nancy Dunnan: "When addressing an envelope to a couple when the wife has kept her maiden name (or hyphenated it with her husband's), write 'Ms. Mary Smith-Jones and Mr. Harry Jones' on the same line. If a couple's combined names are too long to fit on one line, address the envelope on two lines with the woman's name on the first, and the man's on the second, preceded by 'and.' The 'and,' when slightly indented and written out, indicates that the two are married."