What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: I have a daughter who is 50 years old. When she was born, my wife and I named her Susan. Recently, Susan joined a religious organization. It seemed like a good Christian organization, but she has now changed her name to "Rose ..." (I won't bother you with the rest of the name, but there's more to it.)
For 50 years, I have called her Susan, and the habit is so strong that it's hard for me to start calling her "Rose ..." even if I wanted to, which I don't. If I slip and call her Susan, she objects strenuously, repeatedly calling attention to my error.
I think she should be happy that others in her group use her new name, but there is nothing wrong with the name we gave her, and we do not want to call her anything else.
I am 82 years old, and it is hard for old dogs to learn new tricks. What do you think, Abby? -- SUSAN'S FATHER IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR SUSAN'S FATHER: I think it is unrealistic of your daughter to expect you to remember her new name. Remind her, "... that which we call a rose/By any other name would smell as sweet." (William Shakespeare)
DEAR ABBY: I didn't read the original letter from the man who won't touch the hospital patients he visits, but I did read the comment from Bob Burns, the hospital chaplain in Florida who wrote to tell him that he can't "catch" anything from simply touching a sick person. Abby, may I add my two cents to the discussion?
Last winter I was in Arcadia Methodist Hospital in Arcadia, Calif., with the flu, pneumonia and something else the doctors couldn't identify. (It turned out to be meningitis.) In spite of the fact that I was pretty much out of things, I overheard the neurologist tell my nurse that he was going to give me a spinal tap, and asked her to distract me. Well, when I heard "spinal tap," I was panic-stricken.
The nurse knelt by the side of my bed and took my hands between hers and started to talk. Suddenly, she let go of my hands, peeled off her gloves, and then she clasped my hands again. Do I have to tell you how much more comforting the touch of her warm skin was than latex?
Abby, I don't remember that nurse's name, but I will never forget the compassion she showed that day. I didn't even feel the needle go in. -- JOAN FRY, NEWHALL, CALIF.
DEAR JOAN: Thank you for a touching letter.
DEAR ABBY: The letter you printed from "Concerned in Oceanside, N.Y." regarding the neighbor lady meeting her lover in front of his house reminded me of a similar incident several years ago.
A married neighbor from down the hill would meet her friend in the parking strip of our side lot so her family wouldn't see her. This went on both day and night, and we, too, were concerned about the impressionable youngsters in the neighborhood.
After we figured out what was going on, we simply set up a few lawn chairs and invited the other neighbors over to observe the doings -- which moved elsewhere quickly and permanently.
Abby, could this have been the roots of the "Neighborhood Watch" programs? -- "BIG T" IN TACOMA, WASH.
DEAR BIG T: Well, it sure brings new meaning to the term!
Rules of Love Are Mandatory on This Day for Sweethearts
DEAR READERS: A Happy Valentine's Day to one and all! There may be snowdrifts on the ground or rain clouds in the forecast, but regardless of what the weatherman says, there is sunshine and springtime in our hearts.
Years ago, in celebration of Valentine's Day, I decided to write my own Ten Commandments, the Ten Commandments of Love. Actually, at the time I was so enthusiastic that I wrote 20 -- one set for men and another for women. But then I received a letter from Mandy Stillman, a lawyer from Milwaukee, insisting that there be only one set of commandments.
She was right, of course. And here they are for your review:
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS OF LOVE
-- Put your spouse before your mother, your father, your son and your daughter. Your mate is your lifelong companion.
-- Do not abuse your body with excessive food, tobacco, drink, or any foreign substance that goes into your arm or up your nose.
-- Remember that cleanliness is a virtue.
-- Willingly share all of your worldly goods with your mate.
-- Do not forget to say, "I love you." Even though your love may be constant, your spouse needs to hear those cherished words often.
-- Remember that the approval of your spouse is worth far more than the adoring glances of a hundred strangers, so be true and forsake all others.
-- Permit neither your business nor your hobby to make you a stranger to your children. The most precious gift a parent can give is time.
-- Keep your home in good repair, because out of it come the joys of old age (not to mention its resale value).
-- Forgive with grace, because who among us does not need to be forgiven?
-- Honor the Lord your God every day of your life, and your children will grow up and bless you.
Today, be a sweetheart. Call someone you love and say, "I love you." (Make two or three calls; who says you can't love more than one person -- in different ways, of course.)
Go through your closets and give all those clothes you've been saving until you lose 10 pounds to your favorite charity. Call someone who's lonely and say, "I'm thinking of you." Or, better yet, say, "I'll be over tomorrow to take you to lunch -- or to run some errands for you -- or to give you a ride."
Visit a sick friend. Say a prayer. Donate some blood. Adopt a pet. Will your eyes, your kidneys and all your usable organs to someone who can use them after you're gone. Forgive an enemy. Hug your teen-ager. Write a fan letter. Listen to a bore. Pay your doctor. Tell your parents you think they're wonderful. Spay your dog. Neuter your cat. Quit smoking. Drive carefully. If you're walking, watch where you're going.
And don't wait until next year to be a sweetheart again. -- LOVE, ABBY
DEAR ABBY: The letter about church bulletin bloopers in a recent column reminded me of a funny thing that happened in our church some time ago. It made me glad that I had learned to speak our language by rote as a child. Just imagine the agony foreign-born adults must undergo in learning how to speak English, with all the inconsistencies in pronouncing words with similar spellings -- with "ough" in them, for example.
In this instance, a priest visiting from India was saying Mass, and typically the priest reads the Gospel aloud. This Gospel reading was about a woman who was preparing to bake bread when Jesus came to visit. Naturally, she suspended her preparations then, and the priest continued to read "... she put her 'duff' on the table."
I don't think the priest ever understood why that was greeted with such laughter. -- R.F. GOTTSACKER, EDINA, MINN.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
BUSY DENTAL PATIENT CAN'T FIND TIME TO BRUSH AT WORK
DEAR ABBY: The letter you printed from the dental hygienist who was upset because her clients came in without first having brushed their teeth really frosted me. I used to schedule my dental appointments so I could stop on the way home from work, and I was usually the last appointment of the day. There was no way I could take time out from my job to brush my teeth. I had enough to worry about with rush-hour traffic allowing me to just get there on time.
What are working people supposed to do -- go home, bathe, brush their teeth, then go to the doctor or dentist? I'm sure that most people would like to be able to quit their lives in the fast lane, but if that's where the money and jobs are, what can they do?
Abby, while we're on the subject of cleanliness and health-care professionals, I'm sure we all remember our mothers telling us to always wear clean underwear with no holes in them in case we were in an accident and had to be taken to the hospital. When I had a massive stroke last February and the paramedics transported me to a trauma center, I wasn't wearing any underwear, let alone clean ones with no holes, and not one medical professional commented on that fact. They were too busy literally saving my life, for which I bless them daily. -- MAVIS E. WINTER, LAGUNA NIGUEL, CALIF.
DEAR MAVIS: Perhaps the dental hygienist was having a bad day, or was daunted by the amount of debris that had to be disposed of before she could get down to serious business with her patients. However, the woman's complaint was hardly frivolous.
Most people have three work breaks during the day, and it takes very little time to brush. In fact, it makes good sense whether a person has a dental appointment that day or not.
DEAR ABBY: You asked your readers to share acts of kindness. I experienced one recently that still brings tears to my eyes when I think about it.
My husband had open-heart surgery, lost his voice due to an overdose of anesthesia, and came home a quadriplegic.
Our home became badly neglected because he was unable to do all the "honey do's" he had taken care of prior to his surgery.
My friend Mary came to our home one day and started to help me with the dishes. She soon realized that our garbage disposal didn't work, the dishwasher was on the blink, our sliding glass door was off its track, the lock was broken and the screen had fallen off.
The next week, Mary returned with her husband, Ed, and three other couples. The women brought breakfast and lunch for everyone, and the men brought their tools and expertise. For eight hours they donated their hands and skills.
It was so nice to have everything repaired, and the yard never looked better. Like the song says, "There are angels among us, sent from someone up above."
We live in a world where we can perform acts of kindness every day -- if we just open our eyes and see the opportunity. -- DARLENE GODSEY, KANSAS CITY, MO.
DEAR DARLENE: The last line of your letter says it all. What an admirable principle by which to live.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)