To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
MERCHANT'S MARKETING DEMAND IS BLOW TO CUSTOMER'S PRIVACY
DEAR ABBY: Yesterday I went into a store that was having a sale. While I was there, I saw some tables that had decorative items for 50 percent off. I found two things I wanted. The sale amounted to less than $20, so I paid cash for them.
Before the salesman gave me my purchase, he demanded my name, address and telephone number. Abby, this was a cash sale. He held my purchases until I reluctantly gave him my name and address. (I steadfastly refused to give him my telephone number, since it is unlisted.)
This isn't the first time I've had this happen with a cash sale. What in the world are businesses thinking of? If I pay cash for something, why should I be obliged to give them this information? I strongly object to this practice. It is an invasion of privacy.
I would appreciate it if you would publish this letter. Businesses that do this should be aware that they may have lost any future business from this particular customer. If I must give this kind of information when I make a cash purchase, I'll shop someplace else next time. -- DISGUSTED SHOPPER, FORT MYERS, FLA.
DEAR DISGUSTED SHOPPER: Some places of business do this because they want to add your name to their mailing list. However, you are under no obligation to give personal information -- and in the future you should tell the store manager how you feel about it.
DEAR ABBY: I read the excellent letter from the Carrollton, Ga., librarian, encouraging people to ask for help at the public library. May I add another suggestion?
As a children's librarian, I wish more families would bring their kids to the library and explore all the wonderful services we have to offer them. With the current prices of family entertainment, many parents would be pleasantly surprised to discover the free materials and programs that are available at their public library.
Consider the fun of attending a puppet show and taking home books and videos, or bringing the children to an evening story-time and browsing through magazines and tapes after the program.
Mom or Dad can drop by the library after work, and in a few minutes head home with a whole evening's fun for the family.
The public library shouldn't be "the best-kept secret" in your neighborhood. Please come by and ask us what we can do for you. -- MISS JUDI IN DALLAS
DEAR MISS JUDI: Thanks for a valuable suggestion. I'm pleased to give it space in my column. Your love for your profession is reflected in every paragraph of your inspiring letter. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: Regarding the librarian who was helpful and enjoyed answering questions -- I only wish she worked in our city library.
I have never seen our librarian get out of her chair. She sighs, rolls her eyes, and gives directions by jerking her thumb over her shoulder. All this is accomplished without uttering a single word. -- STILL SEARCHING IN RICHLAND, WASH.
DEAR STILL SEARCHING: If you're still wandering through the stacks, start searching for this woman's boss and repeat what you have written to me. Your librarian needs motivation, and I hope she receives it before she drives away the people she's paid to serve.
KIDS' HALLOWEEN CANDY HAUL IS SHARED WITH GREAT PUMPKIN
DEAR ABBY: For several years I have wanted to share this little trick for parents whose small children consume too much candy at Halloween. Finally, I've found the time to write, and it's actually BEFORE Halloween.
I have always told my children, thanks to Linus in the "Peanuts" comic strip by Charles M. Schulz, that the Great Pumpkin comes on Halloween night and brings a gift for the children who leave him candy. The more of their candy they leave, the bigger the gift is. To make this work -- and my children have never kept more than five pieces of candy -- you must begin when the children are very young, and keep reminding them that the more candy they leave, the BIGGER the gift. When my children keep only five pieces and turn the rest over to the Great Pumpkin, they get a substantial gift that they really want.
It's worth it to me. My kids have never had a cavity. And my husband and his co-workers are more than happy to eat what the Great Pumpkin reaps. I hope this works for other families. -- NO SUGAR IN SEATTLE
DEAR NO SUGAR: What a "sweet" idea for parents who try to limit their children's sugar intake. It's a suggestion I'm sure many parents will welcome this Halloween.
And while I'm on the subject of Halloween, may I add a few more tips from the National Citizens' Crime Prevention Campaign, which is substantially funded by the U.S. Department of Justice:
1. Instruct children not to eat any treats until they get home. Feed them a meal or snack before they go out to keep them from digging in while they're out. Parents should inspect all the treats.
2. Allow children to eat only those treats that are in unopened and original wrappers. Carefully inspect fruits and homemade goodies.
3. Make sure children wear light colors or put reflective tape on their flame-retardant costumes, which should be short to prevent trips and falls.
4. Try makeup instead of masks, which can obstruct a child's vision.
5. Children should trick-or-treat in groups, and stop only at familiar homes where the outside lights are on. Young children should always be accompanied by an adult.
6. Map out a safe route to familiar homes for older trick-or-treaters, and make sure the children have flashlights, and that they stay on well-lighted streets.
DEAR ABBY: Your letter to "Sleepless, But Not in Seattle," struck a familiar note with me. My natural sleep rhythm also makes me a night owl. I have been like this as far back as I can remember, going to bed after midnight and waking up around 10 a.m. I was always teased about it, and my mother used to stand at the bottom of the stairs and sing, "Lazy Mary, Will You Get Up?"
Now that I'm an adult, I get the same attitude from my husband. He's snoozing in his recliner by 8 p.m. (nobody says he's lazy), and I'm wide awake for four more hours. I even wear a nightshirt that says, "Perky Morning People Should Be Shot!"
I don't know why "Sleepless" should be considered to have a "condition" that can be relieved. She's fine. She should find a job on the second shift and work from 3 p.m. to midnight, or work the swing shift. She'll be glad she did. No sense dragging around, waiting for retirement to enjoy life. Sign me ... SLEEPLESS IN LOUISIANA
DEAR SLEEPLESS: If other factors in "Sleepless's" life don't compel her to conform, that's certainly an option worth exploring.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: I had to write you after reading the column on the merits of home-schooling. I am a fourth-grade teacher who has taught for many years.
Abby, I cringe every time I hear the words "home-schooling." I am sure that the students who wrote you were sincere; and yes, there are some advantages to being home-taught.
However, my experience has taught me that without exception, children who come into my class after being home-taught have large gaps in their education. They tend to read well and write using proper grammar and spelling, but their writing is stilted and disorganized. Social sciences are lacking and science is a foreign word. Furthermore, they can't problem-solve in cooperative groups, which is an essential skill in the job market of today.
Today's education involves more than just the basics. Students need to understand concepts, and that problems can be approached in more than one way and can have more than one solution.
Teaching is a full-time job, and I have never met a parent who can give his/her children the quality of education I can offer. -- BETTY MONTGOMERY, DIAMOND BAR, CALIF.
DEAR BETTY: Thank you for writing. I heard from many enthusiastic home-schooled students; however, it is important to hear the views of professional educators. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: Parents who teach their children at home should think carefully about what they're trying to accomplish and examine the teaching materials. The content and quality of teaching materials are rarely mentioned in judging home-schooling but are extremely important. Books used at home are usually well-written and illustrated, but those published by the fundamentalist movement may be slanted to their beliefs, and parents should examine them carefully to make sure the material is compatible with their own beliefs.
For example, one social studies book makes negative comments about Catholicism, Buddhism, Hinduism, Shintoism, Greek Orthodoxy and Islam.
A book on science claims that God created the universe from nothing in six days; that evolution is an imagined process in which things form by themselves without a creator and somehow keep improving; that problems on the Earth are due to God's cursing it; and that the age of the Earth and fossils is merely guesswork.
A book on history and geography claims that Indians declined after Adam's fall, remembered the Flood, worshiped spirits and lived in fear of nature; it minimizes Puritan intolerance and omits their witch-hunts. Some books on American literature contain sermons as examples. These books provide few discussion questions to develop critical thinking.
Some home-schooling has a narrow agenda that deprives students of a well-rounded education. -- HUGO BORRESEN, RETIRED TEACHER, GAINESVILLE, FLA.
DEAR MR. BORRESEN: I agree with you that, if possible, the parents should be familiar with what their children are learning. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: It's amazing that so many readers give home-schooling high marks. I never would have attempted it. In high school I had four years of English, French and history; two years of Latin, chemistry and physics; and one year of algebra, plane and solid geometry and trigonometry. Not many parents are qualified to teach these subjects more than 20 years later.
When our son was enrolled in advanced biology, his teacher held up the textbook and said, "More than half the contents of this book are new since your parents attended high school."
A high level of literacy is commendable, as is an early foundation in the humanities, but I doubt that would have been sufficient for our two children to gain admission to, let alone graduate with honors from, two Ivy League colleges. -- DALLAS DAD
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)