DEAR ABBY: I am a single mother with a 15-year-old son I'll call "Johnny." I make a decent but modest living, and live in a simple home in keeping with my means. I try to set a good example for my son. My dilemma concerns my brother and his family.
My brother and his wife were very helpful when Johnny was small, keeping him when I had to work overtime. Their son, "Lyle," is the same age as Johnny. In return, I'd take Lyle to the park or on little trips with us so his parents could have time alone.
When the boys were about 7, Lyle started saying he didn't like being at my house because it wasn't clean enough for him. Over the next five years, he'd make nasty comments to Johnny, saying we were "white trash" -- but they had to be nice to us because we were family. He once said, "My parents said I should feel sorry for you." He put Johnny down for just about everything, from the way he tied his shoes to the way he dressed. Lyle often took advantage, and even stole money from him.
I always invited Lyle to Johnny's birthday parties, but Johnny was invited to only one of Lyle's. At that party, none of the other mothers would talk to me. I overheard one say, "That's the sister. I hear she's kind of trashy."
I know that the source of my nephew's comments is his parents. We see each other occasionally at holiday time at our father's house. My brother and his wife are friendly to my face, and I have no idea why they'd put us down in front of Lyle. After the last incident with my nephew, I decided I'd had enough. We live three miles apart, but I haven't called them in three years -- and they haven't called me, either.
Abby, you often say that families should settle their differences. But that's not always possible. These family members obviously don't respect me. Why should I be around people who treat me this way? -- TICKED OFF IN TEXAS
DEAR TICKED OFF: Too bad you didn't confront your brother and sister-in-law about their son's remarks years ago in order to get to the bottom of their resentment before it led to a three-year estrangement. I agree it's not always possible for some individuals to resolve their differences. And if this is the case, there is no reason to subject yourself and your son to more unpleasantness.