DEAR ABBY: Thank you for saying, again and plainly, "People have telephones in their homes for their own convenience, not for research and marketing firms." I agree, but because I don't want to act rudely, I've come up with a two-part response to "cold callers" like "M.B. in Belle Plaine, Iowa," who wrote to you.
During the afternoon and evening hours telemarketers seem to like, I screen some of my calls with my answering machine. I've told everyone I know that I do this. So far, no one I'd want to talk with has objected to announcing him or herself to the machine.
When I do pick up the phone and find myself listening to someone I don't know who wants to sell me something, I wait for a pause, then say, "Thanks for calling. I charge $135 an hour for phone consulting, with a two-hour minimum. Where should I send my bill?"
I have never heard any reply -- just a click and a dial tone. -- JOHN SHAFFER DIBELKA, SPRING VALLEY, CALIF.
DEAR JOHN: Apparently, your mother didn't raise any foolish children. Thanks for writing.