What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
ORIGIN OF 'THE BIG APPLE' IS TOPIC FOR JUICY DEBATE
DEAR ABBY: My aunt recently went to New York City and brought back a T-shirt for her 3-year-old grandson. She told him about the Statue of Liberty and the Empire State Building, and she also told him that New York City is called "the Big Apple." He asked why. She said she didn't know and tried looking it up, but she couldn't find the answer. She even asked professors and college students, to no avail.
Abby, can you help? -- HER NIECE IN GLENDALE, ARIZ.
DEAR NIECE: I put that question to my readers in 1988. Here's a sample of the responses I received:
DEAR ABBY: The Bible tells us that the apple was forbidden fruit. (Remember, the serpent in the Garden of Eden dared Eve to eat the apple.) Well, from that time on, the apple signified temptation. And since New York City is the most tempting city in the world, the traveling men named New York City "the Big Apple." -- NORMAN IN NEWARK
DEAR ABBY: I once read a story written by a man who traveled with a circus. He said, "New York was the choice spot, 'the big one,' or 'the big apple,' and that is how New York City came to be known as the Big Apple." -- CORNELL THOMPSON, HOUSTON
DEAR ABBY: I saw a letter in your column asking why New York City is known as the Big Apple.
Back in the 1920s and '30s, people in the entertainment world, particularly jazz musicians, talked about making it to the top. To "play" New York City was to make the big time or the "big apple," which was the jazz term.
Today, New York City remains the No. 1 visitor destination in the world, thanks to both the New York City Convention and Visitors' Bureau's efforts and the state's own "I Love New York" statewide tourism campaign. Last year, we welcomed 17.8 million visitors to The Big Apple -- over 3 million were from overseas.
So, we welcome the world -- and especially you and your readers. Come and enjoy all of New York State's beauty, history, culture and unlimited recreation, from Buffalo to the Big Apple! -- MARIO CUOMO, GOVERNOR
DEAR ABBY: "The Big Apple" was the name of a song that inspired a dance wherein a small group made a circle, held hands and danced to a lively beat. A gossip columnist named Walter Winchell made it popular in 1930. It took New York by storm -- that is why they call New York City "the Big Apple." -- A. NOLAN, ATLANTA
DEAR ABBY: New York City was named the Big Apple because during the Depression of 1929-30, all the banks closed and many people were suddenly unemployed, so they stood on the street corners and sold apples for a nickel apiece.
There were so many apple stands in New York City, they called it the Big Apple. -- MRS. LEONARD COOKSON, PARADISE VALLEY, ARIZ.
DEAR ABBY: As a former resident of New York, I believe it came to be known as the Big Apple because New York grows the most varied apples of any state in the union. For example: Delicious, Rome, MacIntosh, Baldwins, Golden Delicious, Spy Greivies, Jonathon, etc. Hence the name the Big Apple. -- N. WHITMAN, LAUDERDALE LAKES, FLA.
PAIN OF HUSBAND'S AFFAIR STILL LINGERS AFTER IT ENDS
DEAR ABBY: I've been married six years, and just learned that my husband recently had an affair. The night he confessed, he called the other woman, allowing me to listen to their conversation, and told her it was over between them. She asked him to call again, but he said no, and I believe that was the end of it.
My problem is: How do I get over this? I asked him why he had the affair, and he insists that it was his fault; that I wasn't the problem. But I believe problems in a marriage are a two-way street. He says we just weren't talking enough and he thought I didn't love him anymore. I tell him every day, and always have, that I love him, so I think there's more.
He lets me wake him up at any time to cry, and he'll talk to me for hours. But I'm afraid he'll grow tired of my pain. I have a friend who helps me talk this out, but it's my husband I need to cry on and be held by. I don't want him to keep apologizing -- he's done that -- I just want comfort.
Do you think I'll drive him away again? Can a marriage survive an affair? I don't know any that have. -- I LOVE HIM WITH ALL MY HEART
DEAR LOVE HIM: Your husband said you did not drive him away; he drifted away on his own. Also, he is willing to hold you and let you cry, and talk to you for hours in the middle of the night. He sounds like a man who wants his wife and marriage back. Remind yourself of this when doubts arise. It will take time and effort from both of you. You must let go of the past, and he must earn your trust. Many marriages survive an affair.
I recently printed a letter from "Dave in Montana," who deeply regretted his recent affair with his much-younger secretary. It may be reassuring to read one of the responses to his letter:
DEAR ABBY: I just read the letter from "Dave in Montana," the married lover.
I went through three years of pain while my husband of 25 years carried on an affair. Finally he made the decision -- he wanted a divorce.
We were in the process of informing friends and family of our divorce when my husband did an about-face, claiming he must have been crazy and that he did not want a divorce after all!
I told him that in order to repair the devastation he had created, he would have to go to counseling, and if he still wanted to save our marriage and be a faithful husband, I too would seek counseling and decide if I felt the same way.
Well, it worked! We eventually had joint counseling and developed a closer, more loving relationship than we had before.
In the aftermath, he has suffered terribly from his guilt, and has had to deal with my pain and anger. I wasn't sure I could forgive him, but we both hung onto our commitment. The process was excruciatingly difficult, but it has paid untold dividends.
We have now been married 35 years and look forward to enjoying and loving one another for many, many more. -- MR. & MRS. COMMITTED
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: I don't recall having seen this problem addressed in your column.
You're visiting the home of a friend you haven't seen in several years. Just before you leave, she invites you to stay for dinner, but she doesn't tell you what she's serving. It would be rude to say, "It depends on what you're having."
A thoughtful host should say, "Mary, we're having liver for dinner tonight; would you care to join us?" Hating liver, Mary could graciously decline by saying, "Oh, thank you, but I have dinner waiting at home. May I have a rain check?"
This way everyone saves face. What do you think? -- GRACIOUS GUEST IN BOSTON
DEAR GRACIOUS GUEST: In the first place, if "just before you leave" the hostess invites you to stay for dinner, it means you stayed too long.
Mary should not lie and ask her friend for a rain check. Her friend may then assume that Mary likes liver and invite her another time for a liver dinner. Instead she should thank the hostess and say she's sorry, but she can't stay for dinner.
DEAR ABBY: I would like to address these comments to "Annoyed in New Mexico." This incident happened here in Atlanta, and it involves the use of the Spanish language.
My uncle and aunt -- both blue-eyed and blond -- were fresh from Panama. She's a public health nurse and he's in charge of mosquito control.
While they were attending a baseball game, two Spanish-speaking fans seated behind them gave a running discourse on everything that was wrong with the United States, Atlanta, the ball players and their acquaintances.
When the game was over, Aunt Erma and Uncle Ray stood up, turned to their criticizers and in fluent Spanish, suggested that if they didn't like the benefits our country had to offer, they should return to their point of origin.
My advice: Be careful whom you speak Spanish in front of. Sign me ... HABLO ESPANOL IN GEORGIA
DEAR HABLO: As one who speaks enough Spanish to make myself understood, may I add my two cents worth? Es verdad!
DEAR ABBY: I have a question about elevator etiquette. Why do people waiting for an elevator charge in before the passengers can exit?
They crowd in as if the elevator was the last one to heaven -- or wherever they expect their destination to be.
I recently tried to exit an elevator in a hospital as three teen-aged girls barged in and almost knocked me over. One remarked that I was at fault for being in her way.
Patience, good people. If you miss this car, there will be another one along in just a minute. -- J.B. ROBERTS, GADSDEN, ALA.
DEAR J.B.: We all have our ups and downs. You're right. Good manners and common sense dictate that one allows the occupants to exit before barging in.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)