DEAR ABBY: I am planning to be married next month, and what should be the happiest time in my life has turned into one of my biggest problems. The reason is my mother -- or more specifically, her drinking. She has ruined every affair she's attended.
Last year at my sister's wedding, Mother:
1. Propositioned the judge who performed the ceremony.
2. Started a screaming argument with my sister.
3. Punched me out.
4. Went on a crying jag.
5. Fell on the dance floor.
6. Got mad at the people who were trying to help her and locked herself in the coat closet.
Mother is a darling person when she's sober, but when she drinks, she's impossible. Afterward, when we tell her how she behaved, she doesn't believe us.
I'm planning my wedding half-heartedly, knowing my mother will ruin it. I love my mother, Abby, and can't have a wedding and not invite her. We are considering eloping, but if we do, we will want a reception afterward to celebrate our marriage, and if Mother comes, she will turn it into a disaster.
What should we do? We're not kids. I'm 42, the groom is 52 and Mother is 63. -- SOMETHING BLUE
DEAR BLUE: Talk candidly to your mother. And tell her that only if she agrees to refrain from drinking on your wedding day will you have a wedding. If she agrees, enlist the cooperation of a few close friends and/or relatives to make sure she either keeps her promise or is removed. It's not fair that you should have to elope or forgo a wedding because your mother can't tolerate alcohol.
I recommend Al-Anon. It teaches friends and families of alcoholics how to deal with the problem. And if you really love your mother, you will view her problem as an illness and do all you can to help her.