DEAR ABBY: Five years ago, I married a nice man who had been married before. (This is my first marriage.)
I am a professional woman with a demanding career and plenty of money of my own. My husband recently told me that his mother had her other son (who is in law enforcement) run my name through the FBI computer. Of course, they turned up nothing. I am furious! He said his mother did it as a "joke."
I am offended and hurt and no longer want to spend time with his family. Fortunately, he is not very close to them.
The problem I foresee is we would like to have a child. If we do, I'd like to know how I can keep this nasty woman out of our lives. Though my husband knows how I feel about his mother's behavior, she would be the child's only grandparent. And I'm afraid he'd give in and let her run our lives.
Please help me, and do not use my name since this is a small city. -- WORRIED ABOUT THE FUTURE
DEAR WORRIED: Your mother-in-law was a mile out of line, and owes you an apology. I don't blame you for keeping your distance. Since you are concerned about what her role will be should you have children, the best time to come to a meeting of the minds with your husband is now, before the problems presents itself. Reach an agreement now so that you can stand united when the time comes.