For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Here's One Nice Guy Who Is Tired of Finishing Last
DEAR ABBY: This letter is in regard to "David's Wife in Tennessee," who really appreciates her thoughtful husband. That woman is just as valuable as her husband. She recognized a "nice guy" when she saw one.
Abby, you really hit the nail on the head when you said that many men who treat women with respect end up with nothing but rejection. It's mind-boggling how many women will disregard me because I'm not drop-dead handsome and don't drive a Jaguar. (I'm a single professional in my mid-30s with a master's degree.)
So, ladies, please get to know me on the inside before you pass judgment. You cannot know what I'm capable of until AFTER you know me. For example:
1. If your car dies 100 miles away at 1:00 a.m., I'll be there at the drop of a hat.
2. I'll work with you to create the best possible relationship, including a great sex life.
3. I'll take the kids away once in a while so you can have a "sanity day" by yourself.
4. I'll listen to you talk about your lousy day at work while I'm massaging your back.
5. I'll say things like, "Is it lovely outside, or is it just you?"
6. I'll help with the cooking, cleaning and ironing.
7. I'll treat you like you're No. 1 because you are the one I cherish the most.
8. I'll always be there for you when times get rough.
9. I'll hide cute little gifts so I can put a smile on your beautiful face.
Why go out with a good-looking guy who is boring when you can go out with a guy who will knock himself out to please you? (That's me!) -- AVAILABLE IN MAINE
DEAR AVAILABLE: If the reaction of the single women on my staff who saw your letter is any example, I'm certain that were I to disclose your name and address, you'd need police protection! Your letter is sure to lift the hearts of countless women who are wondering if there are any "nice guys" left out there.
Since spring is here -- and the birds are chirping and the trees are budding -- perhaps I should mention my Top 10 List of Great Places to Meet a Man ... or Woman:
1. Parents Without Partners.
2. Evening classes at a local college or university.
3. Clubs or organizations.
4. Square dance, ballroom, line dance or folk dancing lessons.
5. Through friends -- let your friends know you're available.
6. Through co-workers -- let your co-workers know you're available.
7. Professional organizations (e.g. Chamber of Commerce or any organization having to do with your field of employment).
8. Gym or health club.
9. Volunteer work for any cause about which you are passionate, including politics.
10. Church.
P.S. If you don't meet someone eligible at any of the above places, you may make a friend who can introduce you to one.
COMBINED WEDDING GIFT RATES NOT EVEN ONE THANK-YOU NOTE
DEAR ABBY: Several years ago, when I was a young lawyer with a prestigious law firm, I received a wedding invitation from an associate. (We're both female.)
Another colleague also received an invitation, and suggested that we pool our money in order to purchase something nicer than either one of us could afford alone. I agreed.
Well, it was a lovely wedding, but neither my friend nor I received an acknowledgment of our gift. Several months later, I asked the bride if she had received it. She replied, "No, I haven't, but it could be among the many packages in the warehouse that we haven't had time to open."
Abby, it's been three years and still no thank-you note from the bride or groom. I'm wondering if we committed a faux pas by combining our resources to buy her a single gift, and she was so offended she felt we didn't deserve a note of thanks. -- PHILADELPHIA LAWYER
DEAR PHILADELPHIA LAWYER: You did not commit a faux pas. The bride did. There was nothing wrong with pooling your funds to buy the bride a nicer gift. Should another occasion arise when a gift is required, a book of etiquette might be appropriate.
DEAR READERS: I recently received a delightful book titled "The Kindness of Strangers -- A Collection of Animal Rescue Stories" published by the Auxiliary for Dekalb Animals Inc., a nonprofit organization in Illinois dedicated to promoting the welfare of animals. One story caught my eye, and I hope you enjoy it as much as I did:
THE STORY OF ABBY
During the summer of 1987, I was helping my daughter clear some mountain river property she had purchased. As we approached a pile of wooden pallets, we heard a crying sound and saw an injured, starving Doberman dog crawl out from under the stack. After feeding her part of our sandwiches, we attempted to find her owner, thinking she might have strayed. The nearest neighbor told us, "People put dogs like that out all the time -- the best thing you can do for her is shoot her." We stopped our search for her owner.
We brought her home that evening; she was frightened and starving. We fed her and loved her. She immediately took up with my cat and licked the cat like it was her baby. The next day, I took her to the vet and discovered she had several broken ribs and a fungus on her paw, which might require amputation. The vet fixed her up as best he could. As I was paying the bill, they wanted the dog's name for their records. I thought for a minute and said, "Her name would have to be Abby!"
Abby's ribs mended. Her fungus healed after six months of treatment and she gained weight. She became a permanent member of our family.
Last year, my husband entered a nursing home and I now live alone. All my neighbors have elaborate security systems and a few own guns. All I need is Abby. She's the best security I could have. -- NOT ALONE IN ATLANTA
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
PILLS IN GIRLFRIEND'S PURSE RAISE DOUBT IN MAN'S MIND
DEAR ABBY: I am in the military, stationed overseas. My girlfriend, to whom I have been engaged for almost a year, recently came to visit me. One evening I went into her purse to get a pen and came across a package of birth control pills.
We are not having intercourse, so I asked her why she needed them. She claimed that many women her age (27) take the pill for health reasons -- she used some medical terms that I didn't understand.
My ex-wife used to tell me that the pill caused many side effects, so many women avoided it.
Abby, I caught my girlfriend cheating once before, so naturally I am having doubts about her.
I am also confused about the pill issue. Is she trying to pull the wool over my eyes? She had an abortion five years ago. Does that justify her taking the pill? She also takes prenatal pills for "iron," she says.
Please answer soon. I'm going out of my mind with these doubts. -- SUSPICIOUS
DEAR SUSPICIOUS: Your girlfriend could be telling you the truth. According to William E. Merritt III, M.D., OB-GYN, T.H.E. (To Help Everyone) Clinic, and Sydney Hardy, community health educator, UCLA Family Planning Center, women take the pill for a variety of reasons, and in much lower doses than they did years ago when birth control pills caused significant side effects for some women.
Today, many doctors follow the theory that if one takes the pill long enough, it may reduce the risk of ovarian cancer. The pill also helps to regulate menstrual periods, reduces or eliminates severe menstrual cramps (dysmenorrhea), and reduces severe bleeding.
Although prenatal vitamins are most frequently prescribed for pregnant women, some physicians prescribe them for patients who are not pregnant, and later switch the patient to regular iron supplements.
I hope this puts to rest some of your concerns so that you can work on your real problem: the lack of trust between you and your girlfriend since you caught her cheating. Unless you are confident that what she tells you is true, yours is an engagement that should NOT end in marriage.
DEAR ABBY: You began your column just as I began my marriage (in 1956), and I have been a daily reader ever since. I've often taken your advice, and I'd like you to know how your influence has enriched my life.
I married a bright, ambitious young man who was determined to succeed. Poor, and with no financial assistance at the time of our marriage, neither I nor my husband had a college education. My husband began taking evening classes, and within a few years, was on the upward track with a world-class organization.
During our fourth year of marriage, around the time our second child was born, my husband decided to study law. I tended to home and babies. He became immersed in experiences beyond my understanding, and I became concerned for our marriage.
Right around that time, you wrote that marriages were most successful when spouses grew together, not apart. You challenged one reader to match her husband's career achievements. So, at the age of 33, when our children were school age, I decided to enroll in college.
Over the next 26 years, I earned a bachelor's degree, a master's degree and a Ph.D. in educational administration. My marriage, education and career have enriched my life, and my husband has been proud to involve me in his professional career.
As we begin our 50th year of marriage, he refers to us as "Dr. and Mr." A lot of this is your "fault," Abby. Thanks.
If you print my letter, please don't use my name. Sign me ... DOCTOR, WIFE AND MOTHER, ROSEVILLE, CALIF.
DEAR DOCTOR, WIFE AND MOTHER: I can't say enough for continuing education for adults.
Letters like yours make my job doubly rewarding. Thank you for letting me know I've been a positive influence in your life. It made my day!
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)