Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: Your recent reprint of a letter about the importance of being a good neighbor compelled me to write to you for the first time in 30 years.
Being too friendly with the neighbors can be risky business. What if it turns out that you don't really want to be friends with these people after you get to know them better? Then what do you do -- move?
Abby, neighbors should respect one another's privacy.
I have had neighbors who seemed to think that because I was always nice to them, they could preach their religion to me, tell me how to vote, dress and raise my kids. Sometimes I wish I'd never said more than a casual hello.
My idea of a good neighbor is one who is cordial, minds his own business and is willing to help in an emergency.
If a friendship develops over the years, fine. If not, you've still got a good neighbor. -- MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS
DEAR MINDING: There's an old saying, "Too thick doesn't stick." Before you and your neighbors became neighbors, you were strangers. After getting to know one another, you -- and they, too -- can decide how much you want to see of one another.
DEAR ABBY: A letter you published recently reminded everyone not to store a fire extinguisher above the stove. In the event of a fire, you might not be able to reach the fire extinguisher. Having experienced a car fire at our home a few weeks ago, we learned a few more fire-safety tips the hard way.
Place a smoke detector in your garage. Car fires can start after the engine has been turned off, and since most of us keep flammables like paint and paint remover in the garage, a smoke detector located near these items can save lives and property.
Small fire extinguishers that can be easily lifted and used are great, but you probably need several located throughout your home. Don't store them in the most likely place for fires to break out, i.e. above the stove, in the water-heater closet or near the furnace.
In our case, we were able to reach our extinguisher and nearly had the car fire under control when our lone extinguisher ran out. If we'd had even one more, the fire could have easily been controlled before the fire department arrived. -- DEBI MEANS, PLANO, TEXAS
DEAR DEBI MEANS: Good advice. Readers -- are you listening? (I hope so.)
DEAR ABBY: Re computer voicemail systems: The best defense is a good offense. Here's what I'm tempted to record on my machine:
"If you have a Touch-Tone phone, press one; if not, I am sorry, I will not be able to communicate with you at this time. For my name and address, press two; occupation and marital status, press three. To learn my husband's name and occupation, please press four. Press five if you'd like to talk to me, and press six if you'd like to talk to my husband. Frustrated and forgot why you called? Press seven. To have this message repeated, press eight. For a busy signal, hang up, try again, and have a real nice day. -- VIEW OF IRATE CONSUMER EXPRESSED, MINDLESS ANSWERING IS LOATHSOME
DEAR V.O.I.C.E.M.A.I.L.: I am sorry, the advice columnist you dialed is either disconnected or not in service at this time. Please check the number you dialed, and call again ... and again ... and again.
Wolf Hybrids Don't Easily Become One of the Family
DEAR ABBY: Recently my husband's sister told us she bought a wolf-dog puppy from a couple she knows who raises them. The pup is about 3 months old and is 75 percent wolf.
I have expressed my concerns to her about the safety of keeping such an animal as a pet. She has two sons who are 13 and 15.
She says a lot of people keep wolf-dogs as pets in her state (Arkansas), and there doesn't seem to be any problem with them.
She is open to any information I can find for her on the subject, and she's told her sons that if there is any problem with the animals, she will get rid of the puppy.
That's fine, but I'd hate to have one of her children attacked and injured.
I have children her sons' ages, and have told her they are not allowed to go near this animal. She's coming to visit us next summer and plans to bring her wolf-dog along.
Abby, do you have any information or advice on these wolf-dogs? Thanks for any help you can give me. -- WORRIED IN VISALIA, CALIF.
DEAR WORRIED: Although owners may argue that some wolf- dog hybrids are less aggressive than some breeds of dogs, the experts are nearly unanimous that owning a pure wolf or a hybrid is a bad idea.
After reading your letter, I located an article by Jack Hope in the June 1994 issue of Smithsonian magazine. It states that as most wolves and wolf hybrids approach sexual maturity (at about 2 years of age), the vast majority begin behaving as the pack-hunting predators their wild genes have predisposed them to be.
"As all owners agree, the animals treat humans as other wolves. But, genetically programmed for the ongoing struggle with pack mates for food and leadership, they have no compunctions about challenging the dominant householder -- usually the male -- with warning growls and a flurry of bites (usually NOT deep bites) for his steak dinner or easy chair, or even for the attentions of his spouse.
"How to curb unwanted behavior is a subject of debate. When only swatted or yelled at, the wolves may not turn tail but growl and bite instead. Disciplined with a severe beating, they'll retreat -- but, wolflike, will attempt the same challenge an hour or a day later -- in an endless contest for dominance.
"Banished to the back yard, the wolves or wolf hybrids usually break free of all but the sturdiest chains or enclosures. Without food, confused, they may prowl the neighborhood attacking cats, rabbits, goats, dogs, even horses, all of which they see as prey. Their predatory instincts can also be triggered by humans, especially if those humans happen to be small or infirm, or if they flee or emit a frightened sound.
"Since 1986, nine children in the United States, from toddlers to a 12-year-old, have been killed (and in one case, partially eaten) by wolf and wolf-dog pets. Many more people, both children and adults, have been maimed. While relatively few of these animals actually kill, most of the former owners interviewed for this article report having been bitten."
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
College Woman's Education Includes Loving Married Man
DEAR ABBY: For months I have searched your column for advice about a problem that has somehow taken over my life. This may seem nutty, but it's true. I am a 21-year-old female in college who is very much involved with a 37-year-old married man. I'll call him Frank.
I have been seeing him for a year now. Everything is wonderful between us and he says that he is in love with me, but he does not want to hurt his children -- ages 7 and 9. He promises that if the day ever comes, he will make up for all of our sneaking around and lying.
I am unable to date anyone else because my mind is always on him, therefore I remain faithful. I love him.
Please, any advice you can give me will be greatly appreciated. -- WAITING FOR FRANK
DEAR WAITING FOR FRANK: You have already wasted a year with a married man who will not leave his children and has no qualms about cheating on his wife. Is that what you want for a husband?
Frank may be a good salesman, but unless you want to waste more time buying what he's selling, stop listening to his pitch. Make up your mind what you want and go after it. But forget about Frank. Frank is a time-waster. And nothing is more precious than time.
DEAR ABBY: Today I'm reading about how you differentiate between the terms "having sex" and "making love." You must get tired of people picking apart what you write, but I think I have a good point in suggesting an alternative.
I agree that "having sex" is demeaning and not above what the other animals do out of instinct; but why do we have to create affection as the term "making love" suggests? Shouldn't the love already be there and the sexual interaction be the ultimate expression of that love? Perhaps the term "sharing love" better expresses what we hope that individuals of all ages are experiencing, ideally, in the marriage relationship.
Thanks for your consideration of this suggestion. I don't read your column every day, but for many years I have been enlightened or stimulated to think by your words. Thanks for your efforts, Abby. -- PASTOR RICK EDMUND, GIRDLETREE, MD.
DEAR PASTOR EDMUND: I don't know whether you (or I) can change the vernacular -- but you make a good point.
DEAR ABBY: The complaint about careless smokers throwing cigarette butts out of car windows brought back a big laugh.
In the early '30s, my father bought everyone an ice cream cone as we were driving back home. With all the windows rolled down, he spit a mouthful of tobacco juice out of the driver's window. It came back into the car through the rear side window and landed on my uncle's ice cream cone. I learned more new words in the next few moments than I had heard in all my previous short time. -- RALPH IN ST. PAUL, MINN.
DEAR READERS: I recently ran across this witty quip by New York's former governor, Mario Cuomo:
"We lost our family business in the Wall Street crash of 1929. A stockbroker jumped out of the window and landed on my father's pushcart."
Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)