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by Abigail Van Buren

DEAR ABBY: For months I have searched your column for advice about a problem that has somehow taken over my life. This may seem nutty, but it's true. I am a 21-year-old female in college who is very much involved with a 37-year-old married man. I'll call him Frank.

I have been seeing him for a year now. Everything is wonderful between us and he says that he is in love with me, but he does not want to hurt his children -- ages 7 and 9. He promises that if the day ever comes, he will make up for all of our sneaking around and lying.

I am unable to date anyone else because my mind is always on him, therefore I remain faithful. I love him.

Please, any advice you can give me will be greatly appreciated. -- WAITING FOR FRANK

DEAR WAITING FOR FRANK: You have already wasted a year with a married man who will not leave his children and has no qualms about cheating on his wife. Is that what you want for a husband?

Frank may be a good salesman, but unless you want to waste more time buying what he's selling, stop listening to his pitch. Make up your mind what you want and go after it. But forget about Frank. Frank is a time-waster. And nothing is more precious than time.

DEAR ABBY: Today I'm reading about how you differentiate between the terms "having sex" and "making love." You must get tired of people picking apart what you write, but I think I have a good point in suggesting an alternative.

I agree that "having sex" is demeaning and not above what the other animals do out of instinct; but why do we have to create affection as the term "making love" suggests? Shouldn't the love already be there and the sexual interaction be the ultimate expression of that love? Perhaps the term "sharing love" better expresses what we hope that individuals of all ages are experiencing, ideally, in the marriage relationship.

Thanks for your consideration of this suggestion. I don't read your column every day, but for many years I have been enlightened or stimulated to think by your words. Thanks for your efforts, Abby. -- PASTOR RICK EDMUND, GIRDLETREE, MD.

DEAR PASTOR EDMUND: I don't know whether you (or I) can change the vernacular -- but you make a good point.

DEAR ABBY: The complaint about careless smokers throwing cigarette butts out of car windows brought back a big laugh.

In the early '30s, my father bought everyone an ice cream cone as we were driving back home. With all the windows rolled down, he spit a mouthful of tobacco juice out of the driver's window. It came back into the car through the rear side window and landed on my uncle's ice cream cone. I learned more new words in the next few moments than I had heard in all my previous short time. -- RALPH IN ST. PAUL, MINN.

DEAR READERS: I recently ran across this witty quip by New York's former governor, Mario Cuomo:

"We lost our family business in the Wall Street crash of 1929. A stockbroker jumped out of the window and landed on my father's pushcart."

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

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