DEAR ABBY: I'm a 28-year-old female. I have a college education, make a good living, teach aerobics, and people tell me I'm beautiful.
I have had dates, but I just can't seem to "connect" with anyone. This is a very painful and lonely way to live.
My alcoholic mother rejected me when I was a child, but my siblings were accepted. My father was a harsh, critical man who rarely praised us kids or showed any affection. I've tried therapy and would like to go again, but can't right now because I live overseas.
When strangers learn that I'm not married, they sometimes ask me why. I am too ashamed to admit I'm single because no one wants me, and I can't think of an appropriate answer. Abby, what should I say? -- NEEDS HELP FAR FROM HOME
DEAR NEEDS HELP: It is not necessary to give a detailed explanation about why you are still unattached. Just smile and say that you haven't met the right man. (It's the truth.)
Because you feel you would benefit from more counseling, but it is not available where you are, I urge you to seek out an Al-Anon Family Group for support. These groups are fellowships for relatives and friends of alcoholics. It's an established fact that alcoholism is a family disease, and you have been affected by it. (Everyone growing up with an alcoholic parent is affected in some way.)
Trouble with relationships is common for those who lived in an alcoholic environment as a child. Al-Anon helps adult children of alcoholics heal the emotional scars that can leave lingering pain and affect personal relationships, self-esteem and a sense of family life.
Al-Anon chapters are worldwide, and literature is available in French, German, Portuguese, Spanish and English. Like AA (Alcoholics Anonymous), Al-Anon is as near as your telephone book. Please check it out and let me know what you think.