To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Multiple Medications Can Be Too Much of a Good Thing
DEAR ABBY: Back in 1991, you ran an important letter suggesting that senior citizens "brown-bag" all their medications and have them reviewed by their physician or pharmacist. Please run it again. It is more important today then ever amidst all the confusion concerning medications. I've enclosed a copy as it appeared in the Syracuse Post-Standard in New York. -- CONCERNED LONGTIME READER
DEAR LONGTIME READER: I agree. It deserves to be repeated:
DEAR ABBY: With the increasing concern about the problems of the aging -- confusion, loss of memory, a tendency to fall, incontinence, etc. -- geriatric experts are finding substantial evidence that the elderly take so many prescription drugs that their bodies are becoming vulnerable to the side effects.
Peter Lamy, assistant dean of geriatrics at the University of Maryland School of Pharmacy, says that drug-induced illness is sometimes written off and attributed to the "aging process," which not only reduces the quality of lives, but can lead to senior citizens being prematurely sent to nursing homes.
According to Dr. Jerry Avon, professor of social medicine at Harvard Medical School: "The efficiency of the kidney and liver can decline with age, hampering their ability to excrete drugs, which in turn can lead to a drug buildup in the body." He also said that a drug dosage that was safe at age 50 can be dangerous at age 70. Many organs of the body, from the heart to the bladder to the brain, can undergo a change in their sensitivity to medication.
Abby, please suggest that older persons, or their caregivers, "brown-bag" all of their prescription and over-the-counter medications, and take them to their physician or pharmacist for analysis of their cumulative effect.
You would be doing your readers a great service. -- MILLIE HAWTHORN, HARRISBURG, PA.
DEAR MS. HAWTHORN: Thank you for some valuable suggestions that could improve the quality of life -- and possibly extend it. Dr. Robert N. Butler, renowned gerontologist and chairman of the department of geriatrics at Mount Sinai Medical Center in New York, has suggested that older persons fill all of their prescriptions at one pharmacy, so there will be a complete record of their medications.
DEAR ABBY: I work in a shelter for the homeless. People who come here need many things. Sometimes they own little more than the clothes on their backs.
We rely on people who are more fortunate to donate these items. While we appreciate all donations, some of the things we receive are in such bad shape they cannot be used. I ask only that people who give things to charities think about what they give. Quantity is not as important as quality.
A neat, fresh-looking outfit can boost the confidence of a child who is going off to a new school after facing a family trauma. No one wants to rummage through a pile of ragged clothes trying to find something presentable to wear. The poor cannot use old, stained clothes that need repairs. They often lack the means to remove spots or make the repairs.
Used items that are in good condition can make a big difference to those who have little and need so much. Abby, please encourage your readers to give the things that they would be happy to receive were their situations reversed. -- GAILYN RYAN, ST. PAUL, MINN.
DEAR GAILYN: Your suggestions are sensible and compassionate. Attractive, usable items in good repair would certainly boost the morale of those who suffer the trauma of poverty. Items of clothing that don't pass muster should be recycled in another manner.
RESPONSE TO SPAYING PROGRAM MEANS FEWER PETS WILL DIE
DEAR ABBY: Thank you for bringing the SPAY/USA program to the attention of your readers. Almost 12,000 calls were received in the first three weeks after the column was published. We hired a 24-hour answering service to take the calls, and our most experienced staff people worked seven-day weeks to keep up with the referrals. The number of calls is down to about 250 a day now.
Many of the inquiries were for more than one animal -- often three or more cats, and sometimes up to 30! As of Nov. 17, there were 3,019 cat spays, 5,459 cat neuters, 3,085 feral cat (sex unknown) alters, 3,084 dog spays, 2,279 dog neuters and 882 dog (sex unknown) alters.
The biggest problem we have now is cats. Taking into account that a male cat can be responsible for many litters per year, and a female can have three litters per year, we are being conservative when we take the total number of cat surgeries (11,563) and estimate that each of them could have produced 10 kittens in one year -- or 115,630 cats. A year later, if each of those had been responsible for 10 more kittens, there would be well over a million. The dog numbers are not quite as dramatic, but nonetheless, we will see the difference at shelters next spring.
I wish we could persuade people to keep cats indoors, to put IDs on them in case they slip outside, to adopt them with the understanding that they live 15 to 20 years, and to spay or neuter them.
At this time, there are literally tens of millions of homeless cats. People get cats because they are "easy to take care of," then leave them outside with no identification, unaltered, where they multiply like rabbits. The cat crisis today is what the dog crisis was 20 years ago.
Thank you, Abby, for all of the good you have accomplished with a single column. -- ESTHER R. MECHLER, DIRECTOR, SPAY/USA
DEAR ESTHER: No need to thank me -- that's what I'm here for. I'm delighted to know that your program, which resolves the problem of homeless, unwanted pets without destroying them, is making a difference.
For those readers who missed the original letter back in October, SPAY/USA is a program that provides referrals to veterinarians who offer low-cost neutering and spaying. The SPAY/USA phone number is 1-800-248-SPAY (7729).
DEAR ABBY: From time to time, you've published letters from people who had found money. One woman bought a pair of jeans at a yard sale and found $5 in one of the pockets. A high school student found a wallet on the pavement. When I read those letters, the correct behavior was evident. Then something similar happened to me, and I wasn't so sure anymore.
I had finished shopping in a drugstore that is owned by a local family. When I got outside, I discovered I had been given $10 too much in change, so I went back in and said, "You've made a mistake in my change." Assuming I meant I had been shortchanged, the owner angrily interrupted with: "Once you're outside the door, we don't do anything about it!" and he walked away. I replied, "You gave me $10 too much, and I was going to return it."
I turned around and walked out with the $10. Abby, what would you have done had that happened to you? -- OVERCHANGED
DEAR OVERCHANGED: I would have insisted that the owner accept the money -- and in the future, I would take my business to another drugstore.
DEAR ABBY: One more for "Annoyed in Minnesota," who was offended by people who responded to questions by saying, "I don't care":
My mother tells the story about my grandfather who was driving his buggy down the road and came across a man who was walking.
Grandpa asked the fellow if he wanted a ride, and the fellow replied, "I don't care."
Grandpa said, "I don't care either. Giddyup!" -- LYNN BARTEAU, ST. CHARLES, MO.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Woman Wants to Know Why She Still Takes Man's Abuse
DEAR ABBY: I am terribly confused and at my wit's end. I left my husband five years ago for a younger man who showed me wonderful attention and admiration. Over the last few years, this relationship has turned ugly. There has been some physical abuse and a lot of verbal abuse. Of course, he doesn't think words can be abusive. Last night was the last straw. He said some things to me that were very cruel, and now I know that we should no longer be together.
So why am I having such a difficult time breaking it off with him? I am a successful, intelligent professional woman. Why do I give in to him over and over again and take him back after he humiliates me? He tells me I deserve it. It makes me so angry at him, and myself.
What makes someone with intelligence and common sense stay in such an awful relationship?
Abby, please help me to understand, so I can break this abusive cycle. I will be anxiously awaiting your reply. -- DISGUSTED WITH MYSELF, LA MESA, CALIF.
DEAR DISGUSTED: I am not qualified to psychoanalyze you, but my best guess is that you are angry with yourself for having left your husband for a younger man who conned you into believing he was some kind of prize.
No woman deserves to be humiliated and abused verbally or physically. I advise you to say goodbye to this poor excuse for a man -- and the sooner the better.
There are worse things than being alone, and you are now experiencing them. Write again in three months. And if you weaken -- reread this letter.
DEAR ABBY: Though they did not ask, I am writing this on behalf of all "steps" and "in-laws" in hopes of enlightening our society.
When I was a teen-ager, my father died of a massive heart attack. Four years later, my mother married a wonderful man whom I loved dearly. Eighteen years later, we buried him after he lost his struggle with cancer.
Over the past month, I have been amazed at the insensitivity of people. There seems to be a common misconception that because a mother, father or child is a "step," the significance of that relationship is diluted.
Let me assure you that neither blood ties nor time determines the depth and strength of a relationship. The case of Susan Smith comes to mind. Those were her flesh-and-blood children whose seat belts she strapped before pushing that car into the lake!
One of the coldest, albeit most innocent, shocks I got was when a co-worker asked me after I returned from the funeral of my second father, "Was he your real father or just your stepfather?" Just? That made him sound positively throwaway!
My mother received a staggering outpouring of love and caring. She lost a husband, and I lost a father -- not a stepfather. I hope this letter will cause people to think with their hearts and not their dictionaries.
I am signing my name, but if you use this, I respectfully request anonymity. Thank you. -- GRIEVING DAUGHTER
DEAR GRIEVING: Thank YOU for a heartfelt message. Please accept my condolences.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)