Want your phone to ring? Get Abby's booklet, "How to Be Popular" -- for people of all ages. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.
Many Denominations Support a Woman's Right to Choose
DEAR ABBY: With all the talk about "pro-life" and "pro-choice," I am confused about where the various religious denominations stand in the controversy.
Can you please tell us which religions support a woman's right to choose? -- CONFUSED IN ST. PAUL
DEAR CONFUSED: It is confusing. Not only do the various theologies differ in their positions on abortion, but within each religion individual members (and groups) may also have differing beliefs. The following are the official positions of some of the major religious groups that support a woman's right to choose.
AMERICAN FRIENDS SERVICE COMMITTEE (QUAKERS): Supports a woman's right to follow her own conscience concerning child-bearing, abortion and sterilization.
CHURCH OF CHRIST, SCIENTIST: "Matters of family planning are left to the individual judgment of members of our church."
CONSERVATIVE JUDAISM: Opposes government restrictions on a woman's right to have an abortion.
EPISCOPAL CHURCH: "Any proposed legislation on the part of national or state governments regarding abortions must take special care to see that the individual conscience is respected."
ISLAM: Abortion is allowed for any reason in the first 40 days of pregnancy (approximately 5.7 weeks). They oppose abortion after this point, except if the woman's life is in danger. The issue of fetal deformity is an issue that is being examined by the church.
PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH: "The abortion decision must remain with the individual, and be made on the basis of conscience and personal religious principles, and must be free of governmental interference."
REFORM JUDAISM: The decision of whether or not to have an abortion is the woman's. Under traditional Jewish law, the fetus is not considered separate from the woman until its head is out of the womb.
UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST ASSOCIATION: Supports the "right to choose contraception and abortion as a legitimate expression of our constitutional rights."
UNITED CHURCH OF CHRIST: "Upholds the right to have access to adequately funded family planning services, and to safe, legal abortions as one option among others."
UNITED METHODIST: Supports the legal option of abortion under proper medical procedures.
ZEN BUDDHISM: "A decision should be made in full awareness of the consequences, and should be made by the individual with a clear head fully awake to the whole issue."
AMERICAN BAPTIST CHURCHES: Have adopted a neutral position.
No stated position has been announced by: African Methodist Episcopal, Buddhism, Evangelical Lutheran Church in America, Seventh-day Adventists, Shintoism, Sikhism.
For further information, contact the Religious Coalition for Abortion Rights, 100 Maryland Ave. N.E., Suite 307, Washington, D.C. 20002; (202) 543-7032. No self-addressed, stamped envelope is required.
Widower Looking for Company Finds Women in Hot Pursuit
DEAR ABBY: Your letters from women who are "faking it" to satisfy their husbands are hilarious! But there is definitely another side to the story.
For 48 years I was married to a wonderful woman. Every sexual encounter was an expression of love -- not lust. She initiated the activity as often as I did. Then she suffered a paralyzing stroke, so for seven years I bathed her daily and cuddled her as I laid beside her as her beautiful body withered away. Our love did not require the sexual act; holding her in my arms was all I needed. She has been gone for two years, and no one could ever take her place.
I am a shriveled 76-year-old man and certainly nothing to look at. Last year I joined a senior citizens group, and you would think I am Clark Gable! Widows swarmed like flies to garbage! The first woman I danced with outweighed me by 100 pounds and wanted to "dirty dance" with me. The first night I had three invitations to spend the night. I never went to another meeting, but I've gone on overnight trips with the group. Abby, women knocked on my bedroom door! If you could see me you would know how hard up they must be.
I would like to find a woman for companionship, and possibly later on sex might enter the picture. But every woman I've met -- even in church -- makes advances. If these old gals have been faking it with their husbands, why do they become sex maniacs as soon as their husbands are gone? -- NO BARGAIN IN MINNESOTA
DEAR NO BARGAIN: Please don't label all women who long for intimacy "sex maniacs"; maybe all they want is a warm body to cuddle with. You are apparently more attractive than you think you are. Rejoice and count your blessings. Every 76-year-old widower should have your problems.
DEAR ABBY: I recently attended my first major league baseball game. The batter lost control of the bat and it flew into the crowd, striking a young girl. They carried her off and the game continued.
We never heard any more about it. Was the child hurt? Is she alive? Who knows? Does anybody care? The game went on.
There wasn't one word about it in the newspaper, but there was an article about a "minor hand injury" suffered by one of the players. Now, that's what I call bizarre! -- "C" IN K.C.
DEAR "C": You call it "bizarre" -- I call it a matter of priorities. Whose? The reporter who covered the baseball game.
DEAR ABBY: We had to laugh when we read the letter from the "Schnorrs of Arizona," who objected to the use of their name as "schnorrers" -- moochers, freeloaders, beggars. Our name is "Schmuck" -- how do they think we feel? -- THE SCHMUCKS OF ORMAND BEACH, FLA.
Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to: Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.
Making Coffee Leaves Bitter Taste in Secretary's Mouth
DEAR ABBY: I am a secretary and have been for some years now. But recently, I started working with a new company, and I have one major problem with one of the higher authorities (who isn't my boss/supervisor) who uses me as her personal secretary -- and I do mean personal. She has me doing her income taxes, her daughter's income taxes, her lease, etc., and making coffee. The last duty is extremely irksome.
Yes, I am supposed to assist her, as directed by my boss. But he means as an aide, not a maid. I do not like coffee, therefore I don't drink it -- so why do I have to make it? I really don't think coffee-making is in any secretarial job description.
I really would like to tell her to do her own personal things and make her own coffee, but she's very sneaky and I fear she might go behind my back and tell my boss some off-the-wall story. How do I handle this without jeopardizing my job or any future references I may need when I decide to change jobs in the future? -- NO PERSONAL SECRETARY
DEAR NO PERSONAL SECRETARY: If you are comfortable with your own boss, talk with him confidentially. Keep the level professional, and calmly explain what this lady is asking you to do, specifically. Tell him that the woman's personal requests are cutting into company time and productivity.
From there on it is the responsibility of your boss either to direct you to fulfill this lady's requests or not. But remember, it is the boss's responsibility to speak to this "higher authority" -- and not yours.
DEAR ABBY: I need to settle a dispute concerning proper telephone etiquette. When someone telephones me and I am not at home, my brother asks if there is a message. If there isn't one, he terminates the conversation.
I say he should ask who is calling, so that I will, at least, know who called. As it stands, when I get home all I am told is, "Someone called -- and he didn't leave a message."
My brother insists he has no right to ask more than, "Do you care to leave a message?" He says it would be rude -- an invasion of privacy -- to ask more.
I say it is acceptable to ask, and if the caller does not wish to leave his name, he can say no. Who is right? -- D.K. IN CONN.
DEAR D.K.: It is not rude to inquire, "Who is calling, please?" But the problem could be easily resolved by using the following routine:
The telephone rings. Your brother answers it. The caller asks, "Is 'Donna' there?"
Your brother replies, "May I ask who is calling, please?"
If the caller does not wish to leave his or her name, the stock reply will be, "Never mind, thanks, I'll call back later." (Then he will hear the dial tone.)
But nine times out of 10, the caller will give his name if asked before he's told whether the party he's calling is home or not.
Everything you'll need to know about planning a wedding can be found in Abby's booklet, "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)