"How to Be Popular" is an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
Mom Fears Son's Reaction to the Truth About His Birth
DEAR ABBY: Ten years ago, I became pregnant with "Joe's" baby. We were going to get married, but Joe got into a jam (armed robbery) and was sentenced to 10 years in prison. Joe is due to get out in two months. Now the problem.
When my baby (I'll call him Gary) was 8 months old, I fell in love with a man I'll call Tony. Tony and I were married, and Gary was raised to believe that Tony is his "real" father. My family and Tony's family know the truth about Gary's "real" father, but nobody ever talks about it. Joe's mother and sister also know the whole story.
My question: Should I tell Gary who his real father is? Tony says he will support my decision.
I'm afraid I will lose Gary's trust if I tell him I have lied to him all these years.
What do you think? -- SILENT FOR 10 YEARS
DEAR SILENT: You had better tell Gary who his real father is before someone else does. It won't be easy, but it's far better that he hear it from you than from someone else, and when three people know a secret, it's no longer a secret.
DEAR ABBY: My beloved wife of 32 years just died of colon cancer, which had spread to her liver. She was 51 years old, healthy and beautiful. My two sons and I are in total shock. My wife had some colon cancer symptoms and was examined by a colon cancer specialist. The doctor proclaimed, "No problems." (She had cancer of the colon at the time of the examination.)
Eight months after the examination, the cancer had spread to her liver. It was finally discovered one year later! She lived with intense chemotherapy and pain for 14 months.
Abby, tell your readers that if they suspect that they have colon cancer, they should demand a complete colon examination, a blood test and A SECOND OPINION.
In my wife's case, the window of life was only eight months. America's dirty little secret is that there are about 1 million new cancer patients, and over half a million deaths from cancer every year.
Abby, please let the common people know. No one else will. -- LOST IN ATLANTA
DEAR LOST: With your help, I just have, and I thank you for coming forward with the statistics, which have been verified by the National Cancer Institute and the American Cancer Society.
DEAR ABBY: Two weeks ago my husband and I were browsing in an antique shop when we came across a white porcelain figurine. On the bottom was stamped "MADE IN USA" -- and in even finer print were the letters "Japan."
Some people may deny that this occurred, but during World War II, I assure you it did.
Now we're sorry we didn't buy that white porcelain piece. We would have loved to take a picture of that lettering and send it to you, Abby. If we ever find another piece, we will. -- G.M.A., PHOENIX
Driver's Insistence on Safety Results in Rough Verbal Ride
DEAR ABBY: I agreed to give a woman who lives in my apartment building a ride to her doctor's appointment. When she got into my car, I asked her in a gentlemanly manner to please fasten her seat belt. She said she never uses a seat belt because she has a phobia about being confined as the result of a very frightening childhood experience.
I then told her that I had undertaken a liability in accepting her as a passenger, and she would either have to buckle up or bail out. She snapped back, "Don't you carry insurance in case a passenger is injured?" I ignored her question and asked her to please get out of my car. She said I was no gentleman, but she reluctantly fastened her seat belt, and now I have a new enemy in the building.
Do you think I was wrong to have insisted she either buckle up or bail out? -- J.C. IN GAINESVILLE, FLA.
DEAR J.C: You were not wrong. If more drivers were as sensibly safety-conscious as you, there would be fewer "D.O.A." (Dead On Arrival) tragedies recorded.
A California state trooper said, "I have yet to unbuckle a seat belt from a dead person."
DEAR ABBY: I am the cashier at a checkout counter, and I have a few questions and comments concerning the manners of customers:
Why must you run over the person in line in front of you with your cart? The line won't move any faster if you plant your cart against someone's derriere.
Why assume that I make up the prices? The cashier is performing a service. I am not out to rob you.
Why must you leave an expensive steak or roast in the produce aisle or on a magazine rack? It wouldn't ruin my day if you handed it to me saying you didn't want it. (And you wouldn't wind up paying for it later in the form of rising food prices.)
Why will you wait two hours for a ride in an amusement park, yet get impatient if you have to wait 15 minutes in a checkout line? (People in Russia wait all day for a loaf of bread!)
And why do those who complain the loudest about long lines spend 10 minutes looking for an elusive penny, rather than break a $20 bill?
To all you wonderful people who are considerate of those around you, I thank you! Thank you for making me smile when I'm blue and keeping me laughing when my feet hurt. I see a lot of generosity and goodwill among people and it reaffirms my belief that most people are basically good.
Thank you, Abby. I needed to get that off my chest. -- ANY CHECKER, ANYTOWN, USA
CONFIDENTIAL TO "YOUR NEW READER IN PORTLAND, ORE.": True, charity begins at home, but it shouldn't end there.
Everything you'll need to know about planning a wedding can be found in Abby's booklet, "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: I never thought I would be writing to you. My wife, "Annie," does not care for my family, so we spend every holiday with her family. She says my family lives "too far away" to visit, although hers lives only a few miles closer.
Annie and I are happy together, but shutting out my family completely is starting to bother me. I think of them on holidays and their birthdays and would like to share these times with them. I try to discuss this with Annie, but she always says, "We'll talk about it another time" -- then she always initiates sex. (I just realized this.) It does take my mind off the discussion for the time being.
Have you had letters from anyone else who neglected his family because of his spouse and later regretted it? -- "SAM" IN PITTSBURGH
DEAR SAM: Yes, I have heard from many readers who deeply regretted not spending more time with their families while they were able to. (Especially parents.)
A large part of a loving marriage is compromise, which may mean spending time with people because they are important to one's spouse. The next time you discuss this with Annie, point this out, take a cold shower and keep talking.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 22-year-old single woman, independent and very nice-looking -- so I am told. For two years, I was seeing a married man who was separated from his wife. He said he and his wife were trying to work out their problems with a counselor for the sake of their three kids, but he was still very much in love with me. I sent him back to his wife and family.
I took a month's vacation to try and forget him. Now I'm home, and he is on the phone trying to get me to see him. I don't want to see him because he is a very convincing man and I don't want to start up with him again. On the other hand, I really love him. Half of me wants to see him again, and the other half tells me I shouldn't. I need your advice as soon as possible. -- IN LOVE IN NEW MEXICO
DEAR IN LOVE: Listen to the half with the brains in it, and tell him to stay with his family.
DEAR ABBY: Is there a universal sign of apology? There are many universal rude gestures known by everyone, but I often wish I had a signal saying "I'm sorry."
For example, if I were daydreaming at a red light and the driver behind me had to honk the horn, how could I let that driver know that I'm sorry? Other examples: splashing someone on the sidewalk, or misjudging the distance in passing so the other driver had to slow down.
Perhaps this "I apologize" sign would work if you absentmindedly jostled another person in a multilingual area, and you weren't sure which language to apologize in.
If there isn't such a sign, maybe you should invent one. You have enough readers. Perhaps we could create a more polite environment. -- SMALL TOWN IN NEBRASKA
DEAR SMALL TOWN: A smile, a salute, a nod, or just a plain "Oops" with the appropriate facial expression would do.
To get Abby's booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)