Abby's family recipes are included in her cookbooklet. Send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
CHILDREN OF ANY AGE ARE STILL KIDS TO THEIR PARENTS
DEAR ABBY: When I read the letter in your column about calling 35- and 44-year-olds "our children," I had to smile.
Our children are 26, 27, 29, 30 and 34, and we still call them "the kids."
My husband is 59 and I am 50, and his parents always refer to us as "the kids." But what really strikes me as being funny is hearing the grandparents who are 76 and 75 years old call my in-laws "the kids."
Don't you just love it, Abby? It sounds so loving and youthful. -- MARJORIE GELLAT
DEAR MARJORIE: I more than "just love it" -- I can relate to it. My husband and I, at age 73, are still called "the kids" by his parents, who are 92 and 93 years old. And may the good Lord continue to bless that beautiful couple, Rose and Jay Phillips of Minneapolis, married 74 years ago today. Happy anniversary, Mother and Dad!
DEAR ABBY: In the words of William Wordsworth, "The child is father of the man." The definition of a "child" as offered by the couple who signed themselves "Ohio Parents" was limited. (They felt that at age 35 and 44, it was inappropriate to refer to their heirs as "children.")
We have had this discussion in our house many times. In biblical usage, "children" are descendants regardless of their ages.
I have two adult sons. I maintain that I will always be their mother. Consequently, these fine young men, both in their 20s, will always be my children. -- MICHIGAN MOMMY
DEAR ABBY: Your correspondent, "C.C. in Florida," is misinformed. The story that a Japanese manufacturer marked his products "MADE IN USA" in an attempt to mislead the buyer is not only false, it is a rumor that has been going around for at least a quarter of a century.
This tale was given worldwide publicity when it was published in Reader's Digest back in the 1960s. Your column is so widely read that the letter from C.C. will probably do as much to keep that rumor alive.
Abby, there IS a "Usa," Japan, but it is a tiny village with no manufacturing facilities. A check with the Japanese consulate in Los Angeles should confirm that. Also, no Japanese city has changed its name to "Usa" to mislead people.
Finally, a Japanese product marked "Made in USA" would be in violation of U.S Customs regulations, and would not be allowed into this country. -- JAMES STEELE
DEAR JAMES STEELE: Thank you for setting the record straight. I hope C.C. sees this.
Dead Son's Fiancee Is Family -- in Fact if Not in Name
DEAR ABBY: Four years ago our son, "Al," got his girlfriend, "Tara," pregnant. Tara was 15 and Al was 18 at the time. A week after our grandson was born, Tara's parents kicked her out of their house, so we took her and the baby into our home where we lived happily as a family.
As time went on, Tara got pregnant again -- also from our son -- and when she became of age to marry without her parents' consent, she and Al selected a date in September (1990). Al was a college student living at our home with Tara and the babies.
One month before the wedding, Al was killed in an auto accident. During his funeral, we treated Tara as his widow.
Tara has since reconciled with her parents, and she and her children have moved back with them. She is now 19, but she doesn't date yet because she's still grieving for Al. We hope that one day she will have a normal life, but she is not interested yet.
She attends all of our family functions, birthdays, weddings, Christmas, Easter, Mother's Day, etc., just as though she were Al's widow.
Abby, we feel that it may be an embarrassment to her when we introduce her as "Tara, the mother of our grandchildren." Since she and Al were never married, she is not technically our daughter-in-law. So, how should she be introduced? -- AL'S FATHER IN GEORGIA
DEAR FATHER: Introduce her as "Tara, the mother of our grandchildren." Your family and close friends will know the background, and casual acquaintances and strangers do not need to know her history. Or ask Tara how she would like to be introduced and abide by her wishes.
DEAR ABBY: My heart went out to "Guilty in Antigo, Wis." -- the smoker who was made to feel like a leper by society because she smokes.
I am not a smoker, but my mother was. I have inhaled my share of secondhand smoke, which, in turn, may have made me more tolerant of smokers today, but non-smokers should check their own bad habits before looking down their noses at smokers.
Put me next to a smoker anytime on an airplane, in a restaurant or theater, before you put me next to a squawling baby or a loud, obnoxious person! Most of my friends who smoke go outside to do so out of consideration for non-smokers, but how many people do you see actually leaving a restaurant or a theater when their child acts up?
What I'm saying is, we all have habits and/or actions that may annoy others.
If smoking is the only bad habit "Guilty in Antigo" has, I'd love to have her over for coffee and a cigarette sometime. If she can handle my nail-biting and gossiping, I can handle her cigarette-smoking. -- NOT PERFECT IN WESTMINSTER, CALIF.
To get Abby's booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: Your readers are sending in their crazy wedding night stories, so here's ours:
When Rick and I married, Dec. 14, 1985, we had only a weekend to honeymoon, so we took my aunt's advice and rented a condo on the beach in Rosarito, Mexico. After the wedding, we made the two-hour drive, arriving at the gated entrance after dark. We asked the Spanish-speaking guard to point us in the right direction to our rented unit, showing him the street address.
Upon finding our condo, we could not imagine why the key wasn't in the potted plant by the door where the owner promised it would be. Also, my aunt had told us that the unit was right on the beach -- this one was across the street. Finally, Rick climbed the balcony and entered the condo through the sliding glass door; then he opened the front door for me. We had brought along groceries and even logs for the fireplace, so we made a delicious dinner and built a romantic fire in the fireplace. It was a perfect wedding night.
The next morning, I decided to go outside and try to find the key. When I looked on the wall above the potted plant, I saw a ceramic plaque with the condo's full address -- a completely different street name than the condo we had reserved! I don't think I have ever washed dishes faster than I did that morning! We made the bed, cleaned up the place and ran out the door as fast as we could -- scared to death, but laughing hysterically. We drove as fast as we could to the right condo -- just a few blocks down the street.
We never did find out who owned that first condo, but if the owners happen to see this in print, "Thank you, and we are sorry!" -- KRISTA AND RICK TOBERIO, SAN CLEMENTE, CALIF.
DEAR ABBY: When I was 11, my parents divorced and my mother moved to another state and took me with her. I saw my father only three times until I was 15. I've talked to him over the telephone a few times. (I called him -- he has never called me, not even on my birthday.) He is now remarried and living a comfortable life with his second wife and two stepchildren.
How can a father ignore his own blood child? I have tried over and over to build some kind of relationship with him, but it hasn't taken hold. I admit, I've had some problems growing up. I dropped out of high school, and every time I called him he mentioned it, saying I didn't live up to his expectations, so I finally quit calling him.
I haven't called him in two years. I am 21 now. Should I give up or keep trying? It probably shouldn't bother me after 10 years, but he is still my dad. Well, maybe if he reads your column he will recognize me. Sign me ... "ORPHANED" IN IDAHO
P.S. I am engaged to be married. Should I ask him to pay for my wedding?
DEAR "ORPHANED": Apparently your father isn't as eager to build a relationship with you as you are to build one with him. How sad. Let him know that you are engaged to be married, and if he offers to help pay for your wedding, fine --- but don't ask him. If you expect nothing, you won't be disappointed (again).
You deserve some happiness in your life. I hope you have it. Congratulations and all good wishes.
Most teen-agers do not know the facts about drugs, AIDS, and how to prevent unwanted pregnancy. It's all in Abby's new, updated, expanded booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)