Everything you'll need to know about planning a wedding can be found in Abby's booklet, "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
DOCTOR'S HASTY DIAGNOSIS IS PRESCRIPTION FOR TROUBLE
DEAR ABBY: I have been happily and faithfully married to my husband for 14 years. The problem is with our family doctor. Recently, my husband thought he had a bladder infection, so he went to our doctor, who ran one urine test that turned out negative. Then the doctor informed my husband that he had a sexually transmitted disease!
My husband asked if it was possible to have had this "sexually transmitted disease" for 14 years -- or was there some other way of getting it? Also, wouldn't it be wise to run another test just to make sure?
The doctor insisted that his diagnosis was correct, then with a smirk he added, "I'm not suggesting that you run home and beat your wife, but you obviously got it from her."
Abby, no wife could be more faithful than I. I never even looked at another man in more than 14 years. My husband says he believes me, yet he's been having bad dreams ever since. I know I'd be accused of "protesting too much" if I confronted the doctor. This is a small town, and it could make matters even worse. Besides, I hear that this doctor thinks all non-churchgoers (like my husband and myself) are pretty much "scum" anyway. What can I do? I'm not taking this lightly. -- BRISTLING IN ARIZONA
DEAR BRISTLING: First, change doctors -- even if it means getting your checkups in a nearby town.
According to Dr. Willard Cates Jr., director of the Sexually Transmitted Disease Division of the Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta: "No diagnostic test is 100 percent accurate. Your husband should be retested to confirm the original test result." (Some sexually transmitted diseases can lie dormant for long periods of time; also you failed to mention which one your husband allegedly has.)
The doctor who accused you unjustly is guilty of unprofessional behavior. He was also in error in refusing to perform more definitive tests. Report him to your county medical society.
DEAR ABBY: This letter is in response to the letter from "Illinois Victim," the girl who -- while being beaten by her boyfriend at a trailer park -- yelled loudly for help from her neighbors, to no avail.
A young man also living in a trailer park in Illinois heard a muffled cry for help. He went outside and saw a man on top of a woman with his hands around her neck. He yelled, and the assailant tried to escape on a bicycle. But the young man chased him for almost a mile over gravel terrain in his bare feet. The man who was caught was wanted by the police for previous rapes.
When the police asked the young man who caught the alleged rapist what his motivation was, he replied (with bruised and bloodied feet), "What if that girl had been my sister? I would hope someone else would do the same thing!"
So, have faith, Abby. Good people are still out there. He even returned to Illinois after moving to California to appear in court for the prosecution, and was awarded four plaques for heroism. His name is Tyler Smith. -- HIS PROUD SISTER, JENNIFER, IN ALBANY, N.Y.
Some of the Nicest People Flunk Firm-Handshake Test
DEAR ABBY: Your letter concerning handshakes and what they signified interested me.
I am currently retired, after spending 37 years with a well-known public relations firm for whom I traveled around the country to set up press conferences for major events. In doing so, I worked with Gen. Eisenhower when he was campaigning in Denver for his second term as president. I worked with Walter Cronkite while he was at the NASA space center in Houston, and Nikita Krushchev when he was in Des Moines touring farms in the Midwest. I also helped set up the press center in Dallas the day President Kennedy was killed there.
There were other celebrities I met personally, and whose hands I shook. One was Richard Nixon when he was campaigning in Houston. When I shook his hand, I was surprised to find it was very small, sweaty and limp!
In the mid-'60s, I helped set up the press center for Billy Graham's Crusade in the Houston Astrodome. I met Billy Graham, a large, impressive fellow whose handshake was amazingly almost identical to Nixon's -- weak and very limp.
I had always believed that a person's handshake revealed his character. I later learned it wasn't true. Now I never judge a person entirely by his handshake. -- EARL ROTH, SARGENT, TEXAS
DEAR MR. ROTH: Thank you for an enlightening letter. I cannot leave the subject of handshakes without adding this personal comment: It is generally accepted that a firm and resolute handshake conveys an "I'm sincerely glad to meet you" message. But one should never use it when greeting a woman who's wearing a ring on her hand.
DEAR ABBY: I have two brothers who are married. (So am I.) One brother lives in Minnesota and the other one lives in Louisiana. The Minnesota brother always sends birthday and anniversary cards, and promptly, too. The brother who lives down South never sends birthday or an�niversary greetings. (He doesn't even acknowledge the cards I send him.)
I made up my mind that unless I hear from my thoughtless brother down South, I am going to quit remembering him on special occasions.
I talked to my parents about this, and they said, "Do as you please, but don't involve us." I don't see why I should be so prompt and thoughtful to people who ignore me, do you? -- MIDWEST SISTER
DEAR SISTER: In every family, there are some who are more thoughtful than others. You may feel that by ignoring those who always forget you, you are "getting even," but you are actually widening the gap, until eventually there will be no communication at all.
Remember them anyway. Families need each other. Don't wait for a funeral to communicate.
DEAR ABBY: After reading your column, "Only in America," in which you poked fun at Americans who buy everything they wear and use from some foreign country, I had to write to share the following:
A number of years ago, I saw a display of merchandise bearing labels reading "MADE IN USA."
It seems that on Shikoku -- the smallest of Japan's four islands -- there is a city named "Usa." All the products made there are marked "MADE IN USA."
Would you say that the purpose of those labels was to intentionally mislead the buyer? I think so.-- C.C. IN FLORIDA
DEAR C.C.: Si, Si, so do I.
To get Abby's booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
Woman Who Loses Her Heart Keeps Losing Her Savings, Too
DEAR ABBY: Because of your vast readership, I am writing to you in the hope that by printing my letter, perhaps other women (and probably some men) will learn from my mistakes.
Three years ago, I had a torrid affair with a man right after my divorce. This guy was so charming that before I got wise to him and broke off the relationship, I had lent him a considerable sum of money. I had no promissory note, so all was lost.
A year later, I met someone I thought was perfect for me. He was absolutely beguiling, attentive as could be, and he made me feel terrific. He was very well thought of, and an outstanding man in the community.
A few months ago, he was short of money, so I lent him my entire savings with the understanding that I would be repaid in full within the next few weeks. I was "in love," trusted him, and didn't want to "insult" him by asking him to sign a note. Well, so far, I've heard every excuse in the book as to why he can't pay me back, and I'm afraid this will have to be settled in court. Also, I am dealing with the humiliating realization that this guy never really gave a hoot about me.
I made two major mistakes: lending the money in the first place, and not getting it in writing.
Abby, please find room for this in your column as a warning to other women who let their hearts rule their heads. -- RIPPED OFF IN COLORADO
DEAR RIPPED OFF: Nobody can tell it like the person who has been there. Too bad you will never know how many women will benefit from reading this letter.
DEAR ABBY: After putting on a wedding for our daughter, I feel the public could use some do's and don'ts on wedding etiquette.
1. Always respond to an invitation when an R.S.V.P. stamped, addressed card and envelope are provided. The hostess needs a "Yes, I am coming," or, "Sorry, I cannot attend." Many respond only to say they are planning to attend.
2. If you do accept the invitation, please come to the reception -- as your host and hostess must pay for your reservation. (We had to foot the bill for eight dinners at $25 per person for people who accepted but did not show up.) A cancellation up to five days before the big event is usually enough to avoid this problem.
3. Please do not include on your response card any more family members (or friends) than have been invited. Reservations are limited, and it is rude to add extra uninvited guests. If it is crucial for an added guest to come, please ask the hostess for permission to do so.
4. After accepting a wedding reception invitation, it is in good taste to send a gift.
Thank you, Abby, for helping me air my frustrations. -- MOTHER OF THE BRIDE IN YORK, PA.
"How to Be Popular" is an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)