CONFIDENTIAL TO G.F.F. IN DAYTON, OHIO: Your friend who claims to be a direct descendant of either Orville or Wilbur Wright is wrong: Both Wright brothers were bachelors.
WIDOW ON WEDDING TREADMILL WITH MAN WHO DRAGS HIS FEET
DEAR ABBY: I am a 62-year-old widow, just retired from my teaching job. I am seeing a 69-year-old widower. At first I felt fortunate to have found someone so kind, gentle and honest. He talks of marriage, but there is always something to delay it. First he needed foot surgery, then he had a respiratory problem, then heart problems. He claims he wants to marry me, but there always seems to be something standing in the way.
Mind you, I am not pressuring him. As a matter of fact, I'm having second thoughts about it myself. Of course, we'd have a prenuptial agreement, but why should I marry him to be his nurse in his old age? He's a lousy lover, and he as much as told me he doesn't care for sex. He's financially secure, but so am I. He has a fine home, but so have I.
We've gone together for two years and have had some lovely trips. I would appreciate your opinion, Abby. -- MUTUALLY COMPATIBLE
DEAR COMPATIBLE: Why marry? Why don't you two compatible people just shake hands and continue to be close friends?
DEAR ABBY: I was so infuriated by the letter from the woman (I won't call her a lady) who couldn't stand having workmen using her bathroom facilities, that I had to cool off for a couple of weeks before I could even respond.
My husband is a carpenter. His work clothes may be stained (they get that way in his business), but they are clean. He showers every night to wash off the dirt -- sometimes filth -- he gets while he works.
One cannot be stupid and be a good carpenter, plumber or electrician. If he's self-employed, as my husband is, he must also be a good businessman. He works hard without such benefits as company-provided health insurance, paid vacations and pension plans. If he's injured on the job, we'd better have money in the bank to live on because the state doesn't have workmen's compensation for us. And if business is slow, he can't file for unemployment. These are some of the reasons why good carpenters, cabinetmakers, plumbers, etc., are becoming an endangered species.
People like her are usually very grateful to have a workman show up when they have a problem -- sometimes in the bathroom she's so stingy with. Maybe somebody should remind her that Jesus was a carpenter. Would she begrudge him the use of her facilities? -- FURIOUS IN FORT WAYNE
DEAR FURIOUS: Well said, lady. Very well said.
Abby's family recipes are included in her cookbooklet. Send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
Sexist Titles Won't Hurt You, but They Can Tick You Off
DEAR READERS: Most occupational and public office titles originated when only men performed these jobs. Today, women are involved in all occupations, making sex-labeled titles discriminatory.
Occupational titles should describe the job -- not the person doing the job. Some examples:
Forget "lady doctor" -- she is a doctor (who happens to be a woman).
No more "woman lawyer" -- she is a lawyer.
Forget "waitress" -- the correct form is waiter or server.
No more "meter maid" -- meter attendant is correct.
An "authoress" is simply an author.
A "housewife" is now properly called a homemaker.
Perhaps it won't surprise you that these updated terms come from "The Practical Guide to Non-Sexist Language," courtesy of the National Organization for Women in St. Louis, Mo.
While the titles "Miss" and "Mrs." originally were used to distinguish female children from adult women, the titles identify marital status: A "Mrs." is married, a "Miss" is not.
The dissatisfaction of many women with this labeling system led eventually to the use of "Ms." (The American Heritage Dictionary defines "Ms." as "a title of courtesy used before a woman's surname, without regard to her marital status.")
A woman's professional or academic title takes precedence over a social title: Chancellor Jane Roe, or Jane Roe, Ph.D., not Ms. Jane Roe.
And when writing a memorandum to one's office staff, it is correct to say, "Everyone is expected to do the (not his) job well."
Finally, as the guide notes, "Neither sex has a monopoly on jobs, with two exceptions: wet nurses and sperm donors."
DEAR ABBY: My 3-year-old grandson hits almost everyone he associates with, especially his father! His baby brother is now 4 months old, and "Big Brother" has become more abusive since the baby arrived.
My daughter and her husband do not hit him back; they try to reason with him, but they are afraid he will harm another child with a stick, etc., which he likes to have in his hands most of the time.
In my day, I would have sat him in a chair and delivered a firm lecture, and I would have forbidden any "weapons" for him to play with until the hitting stopped. But this advice does not seem to fit into "today's" upbringing.
I live 1,000 miles away from them, so I'm not around enough for my feelings (or any part of my body) to be hurt from my grandson's aggression. But I sure would appreciate a solution. Thank you. -- FLORIDA GRANDMA
DEAR FLORIDA GRANDMA: "Big Brother" is acting out his feelings of jealousy with regard to the new baby, which is only natural. But your daughter and son-in-law should take a lesson from you and nip the child's aggressive behavior before it gets out of control.
And if the aggression persists, the parents should consult a professional for guidance.
People are eating them up! For Abby's favorite recipes, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
RETIREE IS GLUM IN NEW CAREER AS THE ONLY FRIEND OF A BORE
DEAR ABBY: I am at the end of my rope. Actually, I am mad at myself because I just came home from another boring evening. I am a 74-year-old retired widower with time on my hands. I belong to a golf club where I hang out to kibitz with the card players.
A retired professional man about my age, also a widower, also kills time at the club. I felt sorry for him because he was always alone, so I started having lunch with him -- then he suggested we have dinner together (Dutch), so I said OK. Now I can't get rid of him.
He is the most boring person I've ever met. He talks about himself, his investments, his assets, his this, his that, and no matter how hard I try to get off his favorite subject (himself), he manages to get back on it.
I can't get rid of this obnoxious guy. He sticks like glue, and doesn't have one other friend at the club. Everybody avoids him because he is so egotistical and boring.
If you can solve this problem, Abby, you are a genius. For obvious reasons, I can't sign my name or location. Sign me ... TRAPPED
DEAR TRAPPED: You could do yourself and your boring friend an enormous favor if you sat him down and told him very frankly that he would not be so lonely if he made a few major changes in his personality.
Tell him that nobody wants to listen to a person who talks about nothing but himself and his assets. If he's all that well-heeled financially, he could benefit enormously from a few sessions with a psychologist. The truth may hurt, but it could also solve your problem.
DEAR ABBY: When my husband and I go to a restaurant, we are served such large portions that we either have to ask for a doggie bag to take home what we can't eat, or we leave it on our plates to be thrown out.
At times we have ordered only one meal and an extra plate so we can split the dinner. This isn't always convenient because we both don't always want to eat the same thing.
The few restaurants that offer "lighter fare" serve diet foods. Why can't these restaurant owners realize that all people don't eat like harvest hands? I sometimes wonder if they realize how much food is wasted.
How can we get the restaurant owners to offer only half-portions? I can't be the only person who hates to see food wasted. How about it, Abby? Any suggestions on how to get this problem corrected? -- NOT THAT HUNGRY IN ORLANDO
DEAR NOT THAT HUNGRY: If you are suggesting that restaurateurs offer half the food at half the price, please read on: Restaurant owners could not survive on half the profit. Better leave things the way they are and give their customers doggie bags to tote home their leftovers.
CONFIDENTIAL TO NO GAMBLER IN LAS VEGAS: When it comes to birth control, the only method that's 100 percent effective is self-control.
To get Abby's booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)