Join the debate. Vote Now on the Dear Abby Poll of the week.

by Abigail Van Buren

Wife With Low Ardor Can Take Pills and Try Harder

DEAR ABBY: This is in regard to the recently published letter from "Tired in Utah" -- the lady who proposes to harass her over-60 husband with saltpeter to cool his sexual desires.

Your answer made it clear that this idea isn't too swift. Maybe you should follow Jimmy Durante's advice: "If you can't raise the bridge, lower the river."

A well-stocked health food store will have a vitamin called "Womanpower" -- composed primarily of yohimbine, an aphrodisiac made from the ground bark of the African yohimbe tree. It is reputed to be quite effective and might possibly rev up her sexual motor to the same speed as that of her underprivileged husband. The Womanpower label cautions that it should not be consumed along with alcohol. -- MALE YOHIMBINE FAN IN JACKSON, TENN.

DEAR FAN: I checked out "yohimbine" in my Random House dictionary and found it to be exactly as you described it -- an aphrodisiac made from the ground bark of the yohimbe tree.

Now, a word about aphrodisiacs: If you sincerely believe that they will enhance your sexual desires -- they might.

DEAR ABBY: My problem concerns Christmas gift-giving to my children and/or grandchildren. Their circumstances are not alike, and I want to be fair.

One daughter is divorced with one child.

One daughter is married with no children.

One daughter and her husband have two children.

My question is -- should I allot a certain amount of money for each individual, or each family unit? And should the fact that one daughter has less than the others enter into the picture? Is there a fair solution? -- CONCERNED IN FLORIDA

DEAR CONCERNED: Spend approximately the same amount on each of your children and on each of your grandchildren. For those whose need is greater, give whatever you wish during the year -- but for no special occasion.

DEAR ABBY: I've waited almost a year after my mother died to write this letter. I am one of five children, and obviously the only one who even cares if the date gets put on our mother's tombstone.

Is there a polite way of mentioning this to my brothers and sisters? I make minimum wage and can't afford to do this myself or I would. Any advice would be helpful. -- NO NAME, CITY OR STATE

DEAR NO NAME: Try this: "Will you all kindly contribute your fair share in order to have the date engraved on Mother's tombstone? There are five of us, and even though none of us is rich, it's shameful that Mother's tombstone is as barren of identification as that of the unknown soldier."

Then list the engraving costs.

What teen-agers need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with their peers and parents is now in Abby's updated, expanded booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)

4900 Main St., Kansas City, Mo. 64112; (816) 932-6600