To get Abby's booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
No News Can Be Bad News Where Cancer Is Concerned
DEAR ABBY: I read a letter in your column in the Oregonian that shook me up. It was from a woman who said that her husband had had a physical every year since 1971, checked out 100 percent -- then out of the blue he was diagnosed as having inoperable prostate cancer! No one had told him that if his father or a brother had had prostate cancer, he should take a P.S.A. blood test. After I read this in your column, I wrote "GET THIS" on the column and handed it to my husband, because his brother has had prostate cancer. So with no symptoms, my husband took the P.S.A. test and was found to have early prostate cancer!
Thank God for that letter -- and thank you, Abby, for publishing it. I had copies made and sent them to all my male relatives. I even posted one on the bulletin board at our club. You may use my name. -- BOBBI (MRS. FRED) JACKSON, SOUTH BEACH, ORE.
DEAR BOBBI: Thank you for permitting me to use your name. For those readers out there who want to know -- the name of the blood test is "Prostatic-Specific Antigen." And for those who need a nudge in the right direction -- read on:
DEAR ABBY: This is a story about two men. One of them is my friend who went to his doctor for his regular physical examination. An elevated blood count indicated that he needed further testing and, as suspected, it was found he had two cancerous polyps on his prostate. They were removed by a simple surgical procedure. Prognosis: He will probably live a normal life.
The other one is my brother, who had ample warning of the same problem for a year, but who kept putting off a visit to the doctor until it became absolutely necessary. By then, the cancer had spread through his system and he required radical and painful surgery. Prognosis: We buried him last week, and it was so unnecessary! Please excuse the tear stains. I miss my brother. -- GRIEVING IN THE OZARKS
DEAR ABBY: Last weekend I went camping with my family and a friend. I met a really special guy who I fell for right away. The problem is, I told him I was 17 (I am 15).
He is 17. Now I am worried that he will be mad at me for lying and think I am too young. The reason I told him I was older is because a lot of guys think I'm too young even before they get to know me. I look 17 and am very mature.
I don't think age should matter if two people really like each other. How do I convince him that I like him so much, and that I'm sorry for lying? -- SORRY I LIED IN YUBA CITY, CALIF.
DEAR SORRY: Age does matter during the teen years, and so does the degree of maturity. Some 17-year-old "boys" are men -- and much depends upon his degree of maturity at age 17. Liking him so much that you lied about your age is not much of a defense, but my advice is just to be straightforward and tell him what you've told me. Lying about one's age is, in itself, immature. But if he likes you enough, perhaps he'll be forgiving.
Woman Who Fears Doctors Searches for Painless Cure
DEAR ABBY: This refers to your answer to "Out of Ideas," whose wife refused to go to the doctor for checkups.
Your answer was very glib. I, too, refuse to go to the doctor -- my reason is fear, pure and simple. I am so frightened of hearing something bad, I just don't go at all. The word "tests" is enough to send my blood pressure soaring. In fact, I can't get an accurate blood pressure reading due to fear of doctors.
I'm not as bad as "Out of Ideas'" wife; I've gone to the doctor on occasion when I've had uncomfortable symptoms that drove me there. But the experience was sheer torture. The doctors kept saying, "Calm down, calm down" -- but I simply couldn't. I'm in my 50s and I've never had a mammogram, and I never go for regular checkups.
I would be delighted to learn how to overcome this deep-seated terror, but so far, no luck. I think you should consider this in relation to "Out of Ideas'" wife. She may need help, and it has nothing to do with her intelligence. -- SCARED TO DEATH
DEAR SCARED -- and I hope the "to death" is just a figure of speech. I told "Out of Ideas": "Short of hog-tying her, there is nothing you can do. Every intelligent person realizes that routine physical checkups (physical and dental) are essential to maintaining good health; and early detection, should there be a problem, has saved many lives."
The help that both of you need is psychotherapy to overcome your fear of doctors. Literally tens of thousands of women could have added years to their lives had they caught a malignancy sooner.
DEAR ABBY: Our retirement center runs a trip to the shopping center once a week. Recently I noticed one of the residents put a tube of lipstick in her purse instead of in her shopping cart. I was behind her in the checkout line and saw that she didn't declare the lipstick. Since then, I've been watching her. The week before last, she slipped a bottle of fingernail polish into her bag. Last week, it was toothpaste.
If I speak to her about her pilfering, I know she will deny it and say all sorts of unpleasant things. Still, I am uncomfortable now that I know she is shoplifting.
Shall I tell the store manager? Or maybe tell the other village residents? Or just mind my own business? -- IN A QUANDARY
DEAR IN: It would be a kindness to tell the woman privately that you saw her shoplift the lipstick, nail polish and toothpaste. Tell her you fear that if she does it again, she will be caught and asked never to enter that store again -- or worse yet, arrested. This would be not only embarrassing, but a blow to her family -- and it would reflect badly on the retirement center.
DEAR ABBY: More about "dinner" and "supper": So you'll know where I'm coming from, I live in Winona, Minn., a small city in the heart of the Mississippi's famed Hiawatha Valley.
Here when we eat our evening meal at home, it is virtually always "supper" and is our principal meal of the day.
However, when we go "out" to eat, we never call it "supper." Nobody here ever goes "out" for "supper," but everybody goes "out" for "dinner" now and then. -- ROD HURD
Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to: Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.
It's Time Again to Remember Servicemen Here and Abroad
DEAR ABBY: It is again time for the Operation Dear Abby/America Remembers Campaign and the great work it does for our servicemen and women stationed overseas -- and, for the first time, here at home.
From my years of experience as a Navy fighter pilot, I know the importance of the Operation Dear Abby/America Remembers Campaigns. A supportive card or letter to a young man or woman serving our nation can make all the difference in the world.
Operation Dear Abby/America Remembers played a major role during Operation Desert Storm, and we need to keep the momentum going with the America Remembers "Adopt a Unit" program.
For years, schools, groups and communities have been able to "adopt" U.S. military units stationed overseas. Now, for the first time ever, thanks to the Armed Services YMCA, local units in the United States can be "adopted." (Not all the troops stationed here in the United States get to go home for the holidays!)
School groups and communities can "adopt" a ship or unit for the holidays by sending a stamped, self-addressed business-sized envelope (No. 10 envelope) to: Operation Dear Abby/America Remembers, c/o Taco Bell Corp., 17901 Von Karmen, Irvine, Calif. 92714.
Each group will receive a newsletter and other materials on the unit it "adopts." Once again, dozens of volunteers from Taco Bell will process the incoming material.
As the first honorary national chairman of the America Remembers Campaign, I want to say "well done" to America Remembers, Taco Bell, and to you and your readers. -- RANDY "DUKE" CUNNINGHAM, HONORARY NATIONAL CHAIRMAN, 1991 AMERICA REMEMBERS CAMPAIGN
DEAR ABBY: I am getting married soon, and I have my bridal party already picked out, but I have a slight problem. I would like to change my maid of honor because we are no longer as close friends as we used to be.
I am wondering how I should go about telling her I have changed my mind without hurting her feelings. -- CHANGED MY MIND
DEAR CHANGED: How long ago did you ask her to be your maid of honor? If it was a childhood promise made several years ago and you have since drifted apart, she may be relieved to be replaced. Discuss it with her.
However, if you asked her recently, there is no way to tell her you no longer want her to be your maid of honor without hurting her feelings.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 79-year-old woman living at the California State Veterans Home in the beautiful Napa Valley.
One of the first questions I'm asked when I tell people that I live at the Veterans Home is: "Oh, was your husband a veteran?"
Abby, I proudly served as a master sergeant in the U.S. Army during World War II and in the Korean conflict. When will people learn that women are veterans, too?
Abby, perhaps if you publish this, it will serve to remind millions of people that there are women veterans, too. -- MARTHA L. WALKER, YOUNTVILLE, CALIF.
DEAR MARTHA: Consider it done.
Everything you'll need to know about planning a wedding can be found in Abby's booklet, "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)