What teen-agers need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with their peers and parents is now in Abby's updated, expanded booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter you printed concerning all the wonderful benefits of hugging, I had to write to express a contrary opinion.
Except for my husband, small children and animals, I am a person who does not like to be touched, and I think I have the right to feel that way. There is nothing wrong with me, and I am sure there are others who share my feelings.
Granted, a great many people feel that a hug can make their day, but a hug can ruin mine. Occasionally someone I know only casually will hug and even kiss me, when I have given them absolutely no reason to believe I would welcome such familiarity. Not wanting to appear rude, I grimace and bear it.
I don't know how this problem can be resolved, since apparently most people don't object. But how is one supposed to know in advance that someone does not want to be hugged? However, once I inform a person that I don't like to be touched, I would hope that my wishes will be respected.
I have even thought of wearing a T-shirt with "Thank you for not hugging me" across the front. Any suggestions?
Just sign me ... HANDS OFF
DEAR HANDS OFF: Lest you believe you are alone in your aversion to being touched, let me assure you that you are not. When a known hugger approaches you, immediately offer your hand, inviting the hugger to accept a firm handshake. Your body language will signal that that's about as close you care to get. There is nothing rude about setting limits.
DEAR ABBY: My co-workers and I are ticket takers at a large annual event. All too often, people, for a number of reasons, put their ticket in their mouth to free up both hands in order to put change in their wallets or to hold a youngster's hand -- or whatever.
They do not consider that when they remove the ticket from their mouth, they grasp the nice clean end, while we, the ticket takers, must handle the wet and unsanitary portion.
This is a rather disgusting procedure. Oddly enough, the majority of offenders are clean and courteous people who would ordinarily be careful of their personal hygiene, and have respect for the health and feelings of others.
We are expected to be friendly and gracious, but how can we handle this without offending anyone?
Perhaps a word in your column would send a message to those who are unwittingly guilty of this offensive habit. It would make work a little more pleasant for those who handle tickets for public events. I hope this is column-worthy. -- A TOUCHY TICKET TAKER
DEAR TOUCHY: Just when I think I've heard everything, along comes a letter like yours. Is it column-worthy? You bet.
DEAR ABBY: Most of us lick postage stamps. Are they sanitary? How about envelopes? -- HENRY LOBLE, HELENA, MONT.
DEAR HENRY: Maybe yes, maybe no. But since you are concerned, use a damp sponge to moisten postage stamps as well as the flap of the envelope, and you won't have to worry about whether they're sanitary.
Birds in the Bush Are Safer Than Birds in Some Hands
DEAR ABBY: Bless you for your humanitarian objection to the traditional Labor Day Pigeon Shoot in Hegins, Pa.
I happen to be a bird lover, and it may please you to know that I wrote to you in 1961 on the subject of cruelty to birds. You printed my letter and I still have the clipping. I am enclosing a copy. You may want to print it again. -- STILL A BIRD LOVER AT AGE 89
DEAR BIRD LOVER: It's a wonderful letter, and I certainly do want to print it again. Here it is:
DEAR ABBY: Will you please say something about people who buy birds as pets, and then mistreat them? I have actually had people say to me, "Our canary fell into the dishwater and was drowned." Or, "Our parakeet flew into the open fireplace and got burned up." Or, "The cat got it." Or, "The dog got it."
I once knew a man who used to give his parakeet vodka just to see how it would act. This same man is big and strong, and just because the bird pecked him on the ear, he knocked the bird down and broke its wing!
What a pity that birds are the most abused of all pets. -- BIRD LOVER
DEAR BIRD LOVER: Not all pet birds are abused -- only those who are unfortunate enough to belong to people who belong in cages.
DEAR ABBY: Will you please say something to older women who work at fast-food places and take jobs from us teen-agers?
There's one who works here, and she's so goody-goody -- always on time, and she never goofs off. I don't think she really needs the money.
She must be 50 years old -- at least. -- A TEEN, CENTERVILLE, IOWA
DEAR TEEN: I doubt very much that a 50-year-old woman would be working at a fast-food place unless she really needed the money. It's possible that if it weren't for that job, she would be on welfare. If she's always on time and never goofs off, I'd say she's setting a fine example for the other employees. Give her a break.
DEAR ABBY: I couldn't resist sharing this old story when I read about the plate-licking dog:
The preacher was invited to Sunday dinner by a church member. When he was called to the table, he noticed that it was set with the dirtiest dishes he had ever seen.
He asked his hostess: "Are these dishes clean?" She replied, "They're as clean as soap and water could get them." He then reluctantly blessed the food and began eating. The food was delicious, so he praised the hostess in spite of the dirty dishes.
When she cleared the table, she took the dishes to the back door and hollered, "Here Soap! Here Water!" -- DOG LOVER IN ABILENE, TEXAS
Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to: Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.
PARENTS OF TATTOOED SON THINK HE WEARS A BRAND OF SHAME
DEAR ABBY: You blew it when you advised the mother who signed herself "Unhappy Down South." Her college-aged daughter had come home with a small tattoo of an eye on her ankle. You reminded her that the ankle belonged to her daughter.
Abby, our son got his first tattoo when he was 17. His father and I thought it was just a fad. Well, today that son is 52 years old, and he is covered from neck to knees with tattoos, which include a naked lady on his stomach that reaches down each leg, and a large Mexican woman on his back wearing a sombrero. Abby, if you don't think that's embarrassing, try carrying him to a doctor or hospital.
Please tell that poor lady to see to it that her daughter's tattoo is removed, even if she has to be strapped down! And it might be well to use the strap in a few other places, too.
Decent, respectable people simply do not approve of tattoos. -- TATTOO TABOO IN BROWNWOOD, TEXAS
DEAR T.T.: Begging your pardon, but an adult offspring -- male or female -- has the right to make his or her own decisions concerning tattoos. Also, please do not presume to speak for all decent and respectable people.
In addition, to suggest that a strap be used in "a few other places" makes you guilty of condoning physical violence. The advice from here is, "Back off."
Read on for a letter from a reader in Brooklyn:
DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Unhappy Down South" who is upset about her daughter's tattoo on her ankle.
A year and a half ago, I underwent 36 days of radiation for breast cancer. The area to be radiated had to be encircled by tattoos in order to leave a permanent "map" for the radiologist -- to prevent any future radiation treatments from overlapping the original site.
How nice it would have been to be tattooed by choice rather than necessity. I surely would have preferred an "eye" on my ankle to a series of black marks on my chest as a reminder of what I'd like to forget.
So, to "Unhappy Down South": Please be grateful that your daughter is well and happy -- let her enjoy her life.
Please get your priorities straight. I did. -- MRS. JULIE KERR, BROOKLYN, N.Y.
DEAR JULIE: Yours was a very sobering letter. I wish you a complete recovery.
DEAR ABBY: I am a young girl who made the dumb mistake of having black eyeliner tattooed on my upper and lower eyelids. I hate it now and have called around trying to find someone who can remove tattoos, and can't find anyone who will attempt to remove tattoos from eyelids because it's too dangerous.
Do you know anyone in Orange County, Calif., who could undo this eyeliner? If not, I hope this will serve to warn other girls not to be as hasty as I was. Please answer in the paper because I can't receive mail at home; my family may see it and say, "We told you not to do it." -- FOOLISH AND SORRY
DEAR FOOLISH AND SORRY: Unfortunately, I know of no way to remove tattooed eyeliner. My best recommendation would be to conceal the offending eyeliner with a product used to cover blemishes, freckles or an unsightly discoloration. Inquire at the cosmetic counter of your local department store. I recommend Covermark and Dermablend.
Everything you'll need to know about planning a wedding can be found in Abby's booklet, "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)