This one's for everybody, from teens to seniors! To purchase Abby's new booklet, "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
Good Genes, Good Sense Give Woman Long and Happy Life
DEAR ABBY: This upbeat piece was written by my aunt, Marie R. Beatty of Denver. She wrote it for her family, but I think it deserves a wider audience. I hope you can find the space to use it. -- MARCIE THOMPSON, PEPPER PIKE, OHIO
DEAR MARCIE: I MADE the space, and thank you for sending it.
80 PLUS -- SO WHAT!
"People ask me how I can be so contented living alone. I am almost 84. First, I never really feel alone. There's so much life around me, I don't even eat alone. I have a tiny television set on my breakfast table, and I still live in the same house I lived in when my husband was alive.
"I find life very interesting. I can hardly wait to read my daily newspaper and the magazines I get. I want to live forever -- just to see what will happen!
"A bridge game now and then helps to keep my mind alert. So does keeping a diary and a scrapbook.
"I have a new project, a la Grandma Moses. I'm writing stories. It's fun, whether they're published or not.
"I think a person's attitude has more to do with staying young than genes. Of course, it's important to eat sensibly. (Even George Burns drinks prune juice!) And a little daily exercise is also necessary. I have an arthritic knee, so I can't take long walks. Instead, I exercise in bed just before I get up in the morning. First, I thank God that I'm alive, then I concentrate on the GOOD things that will happen that day. Is there a better way to start the day?
"I think older people should do their share of entertaining -- even if it's only homemade cookies and tea.
"Sometimes the rain gets in my way; then I remind myself that others may need it, so I put on my red raincoat and go out.
"Family is important. And how wonderful to have a grandchild call you a 'good sport.'
"It doesn't bother me if I forget something. Children are the best forgetters in the world.
"I consider getting older a triumph, but I want to keep on learning. There is so much to learn!
"At night I say, 'Thank you, God, for everything. If I didn't accept all the good things I was offered, it wasn't your fault; they were there. I'll be around tomorrow.' Then I fall asleep. -- MARIE BEATTY
"P.S. Perhaps I should have waited until I was 90 to write this, but I just couldn't wait to express myself. I expect to be around for a while; my mother lived to be 96."
DEAR ABBY: I hope you won't think that this is a dumb question. My mother serves fish all the time and tells us that fish is brain food. I told her that it isn't true -- it's only a myth. I have asked everyone in our family and they say that Mother is right, but I still think she's wrong. Tell me, Abby, is eating a lot of fish going to make a person smarter? -- A KID IN ROSWELL, GA.
DEAR KID: First of all, there are no "dumb" questions -- only people who remain ignorant because they haven't the courage to ask questions.
It is not true that fish is "brain food." According to The Dictionary of Misinformation by Tom Burnam: "Perhaps the myth that fish is 'good for the brain' arose from the fact that the nerve tissue which forms a part of the brain is rich in phosphorus, and fish do provide phosphorus-containing compounds. But so do meat, poultry, eggs and milk."
I know of no food that will make people smarter. Fatter, yes. Smarter, no.
DEAR ABBY: I have a strange and wacky problem that I have never seen addressed in your column. I have an intense fear of bees, hornets and wasps. I'm sure this will seem silly to many, but there may be others who share this crazy fear, although I have never met them.
Over the years, my fears have intensified. It is very embarrassing at times. Whenever I hear anything that sounds like a bee -- an electric razor, a buzzing sound on the radio -- I have a panic attack until I can locate the source.
I rarely go outdoors in the summertime (thank God, I work in an office), and I never wear perfume in the daytime during bee season. When I do gather the courage to go to a barbecue or some other outdoor event, I either leave early or stay inside the car. There must be a place for me to "escape" to or I won't even consider going.
My last apartment was chosen with great consideration for its landscaping. There are no flowers or bushes to attract bees. I am so deathly afraid of bees that I have (a) jumped out of a moving car, (b) left a 2-year-old child in the middle of the street, (c) run out into traffic, and done other outrageous things in a panic while trying to escape from bees.
Otherwise, I am a sane and sensible person. I wish there were some kind of device I could wear to discourage bees from coming to me. -- PAULA IN QUINCY, MASS.
DEAR PAULA: Your problem is not bees, it is your inappropriate overreaction to the buzzing. Your irrational fear is making you a potential danger to yourself and others. Therefore, I urge you to work through your phobia with a therapist who specializes in banishing such fears. (Ask your family doctor for a referral.)
Meanwhile, ask your local pharmacist and/or the proprietor of the nearest sporting goods store for a reliable bee repellent. And good luck.
DEAR READERS: "As our society ages and people are living longer, many older people suffer from aches and pains which they dismiss as signs of old age, and choose not to consult a physician," says Dennis Boulware, president of the Louisiana Arthritis Foundation.
"While over 37 million Americans suffer from arthritis, it is not a normal part of aging. (The symptoms of arthritis include pain and swelling in the affected joint.) Pain and swelling are not natural, and should not be tolerated -- especially when there is medical treatment available."
This reminds me of a very old story my dear, departed father used to tell: An elderly man went to see his doctor about a pain in his right leg. The doctor examined the patient quickly, then said, "Well, what do you expect, Mr. Goldberg -- that leg is 80 years old."
Mr. Goldberg replied, "Well, doctor, the other leg is also 80 years old and it doesn't hurt."
What teen-agers need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with their peers and parents is now in Abby's updated, expanded booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
Teen's Self-Worth Is Lowered by Her Boyfriend's Cheap Talk
DEAR ABBY: Our 17-year-old daughter, "Marcie," is going steady with "Brad." They are both seniors in high school.
During Marcie's junior year, she ran with the wrong crowd, made some bad decisions about smoking and drinking and, yes, even sex. She was very honest with Brad, and now he is being verbally abusive -- throwing her past in her face and making her feel like dirt. She quit smoking and drinking, but there's nothing she can do about her virginity. After being with Brad, she comes home and cries because he makes her feel so cheap and dirty. They fight all the time about it. He acts like her judge and jury.
What can I do? She says she's in love with him. He's the second boy she's gone with who's been verbally abusive. It took Marcie a year to get over the first one.
How can I help her? She doesn't want me or her dad to talk to Brad or his parents about this. I'm so worried about her. Please help. -- OHIO MOM
DEAR MOM: I know you love your daughter and would do anything to help her, but this is one job Marcie has to do herself. She needs to forgive herself and rebuild her self-esteem. She should not permit anyone to degrade her, or make her feel cheap.
Marcie has made some mistakes (who hasn't?); now she needs to respect herself enough to say goodbye to anyone who tries to degrade her. No family member can help Marcie. Get her into counseling. If her school has no counselors, try your local department of family services or United Way.
DEAR ABBY: A mother wrote to you in agitation over her gay daughter's "lifestyle." I am writing in agitation over the use of that word -- as if it is used to describe continually bizarre and abnormal behavior.
Abby, like all the rest, we are born, we live our lives, and then we die. Along the way we go to school, to work, to church, we are sick and we are well, we are happy and we are sad, we pay taxes and give to charity, we enjoy family and friends, we buy cars and houses and books, we watch TV and go to the movies, we play golf and football and bridge, we go to offices and factories and farms, we vote and we volunteer, we worry about money and politics, and we are tired at the end of the day. Some of us love another of the same sex. It would seem so small a thing, like the color of the skin, in such a wide, wide world.
Will you gently chide your readers, Abby, that we are all far more alike than we are different? -- NORTH CHATHAM, N.Y.
DEAR NORTH CHATHAM: Your chiding is identical to my philosophy.
CONFIDENTIAL TO J.N. IN BALTIMORE: Go for it! "Fortune is a prize to be won. Adventure is the road to it. Chance is what may lurk in the shadows at the roadside." Those are the words of one William Sydney Porter, whose pen name was O. Henry. (Surprise!)
By popular request, Abby shares more of her favorite prize-winning, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)