What teen-agers need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with their peers and parents is now in Abby's updated, expanded booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)
Cousins' Small Thanks Is Noted at Holiday Dinners
DEAR ABBY: My wife's first cousin died several years ago, but my wife continues to invite this cousin's husband and his two single adult children to our home every Thanksgiving and Passover. We don't hear from these people throughout the year -- not even a telephone call, yet they continue to accept our invitations. Moreover, they leave immediately after dinner. (Last Thanksgiving, after accepting our invitation, the young man didn't show up and didn't cancel.)
Although we enjoy their company during the brief time they are with us, I think we should rid ourselves of this "obligation" that is taken for granted and never reciprocated. I would prefer inviting other friends and family members who would appreciate spending the holidays with us.
My wife and I have had a difference of opinion about this for years. Should we continue to invite these people? If we decide not to, I think we should give them plenty of notice so they can make other plans. Incidentally, we always have to leave messages on their answering machine -- then wait until they get back to us at their convenience. We await your advice. -- N.J.G. IN WELLESLEY, MASS.
DEAR N.J.G.: Talk turkey; tell them now that you have decided to revise your guest list for Thanksgiving and Passover, so from now on they are free to make other plans for those special holidays because YOU have.
DEAR ABBY: We relished the letter from Krista and Rick Toberio of San Clemente which appeared in your column in the San Francisco Chronicle. They were the couple who woke up after their wedding night and discovered they had been sleeping in the wrong condominium. Their story took me back -- 52 years -- to our own honeymoon in the midst of the Great Depression.
My husband and I had $14.28 between us to spend on our honeymoon. Fortunately, gasoline was only 10 cents a gallon. My husband borrowed a trailer, barely big enough for two; so we went camping -- the first time ever for me. Luckily, he knew how to cook -- for I'd never learned a thing about that gentle, necessary art, nor had I the least understanding about what camping entailed!
Somehow, we stretched those precious dollars and had a glorious weekend during which I got a terrible sunburn and was "untouchable" for a week. We bathed out of a dishpan, relieved ourselves in holes he dug for the purpose, and loved each other half to distraction -- as we still do.
The Great Depression wasn't all bad, for if we could have honeymooned in style at a ritzy hotel, we would have missed that experience.
We are in our late 70s now and don't camp much, although my husband takes our grandchildren camping, while my old bones stay at home with the cat for company. -- STILL IN LOVE IN ALBION, CALIF.
DEAR STILL: Thank you for sharing that precious memory. When you're in love, a lumpy mattress can be a bed of roses -- and camping out is better than a suite at the Ritz.
Streamlined Postal Service Slows Down Mail at Home
DEAR ABBY: Sometimes I think that the U.S. Postal Service is its own worst enemy. They came out with a five-digit ZIP code which the public finally accepted (after a lot of grumbling). But right on top of that, they reduced the state abbreviations to only two characters which makes them very, very confusing. And now, four more ZIP code digits have been added!
Abby, ask people who don't come from these nine states the following questions:
Is "MA" Maine, Maryland or Massachusetts?
Is "NE" Nevada or Nebraska?
Is "AL" Alaska or Alabama?
Is "MS" Mississippi or Missouri?
I have recently had five mailings returned by the U.S. Postal Service because the address on the envelope had no apartment number on it. If the people who gave me their address did not include an apartment number, I have to address their mail as I see it. Why put the onus on me?
People tend to ignore decisions they feel are wrong and that they had no choice in making. Maybe they hope that the rules will be modified. -- HOPEFUL IN DAYTONA BEACH
DEAR HOPEFUL: The Postal Service now uses computers to speed up mail delivery. However, the machines that scan and sort the envelopes cannot decipher them properly unless they are coded with their new two-letter abbreviations. Mail addressed using the old familiar abbreviations is automatically shunted aside to be handled by postal employees -- which slows the process.
If you have forgotten the new abbreviations for each state, a pamphlet listing them is available at your local post office. Keep it handy, and you'll be amazed at how quickly you will learn the new system.
DEAR ABBY: You ran a piece about the benefits of hugging. I believe it was in 1988. Will you please run it again? -- B. REAVES, WINTERVILLE, N.C.
DEAR B.R.: Here it is:
HUGGING
Hugging is healthy: It helps our body's immune system, it keeps you healthier, it cures depression, it reduces stress, it induces sleep, it's invigorating, it's rejuvenating, it has no unpleasant side effects, and hugging is nothing less than a miracle drug.
Hugging is all natural: It is organic, naturally sweet, no pesticides, no preservatives, no artificial ingredients and 100 percent wholesome.
Hugging is practically perfect: There are no movable parts, no batteries to wear out, no periodic checkups, low energy consumption, high energy yield, inflation-proof, non-fattening, no monthly payments, no insurance requirements, theft-proof, non-taxable, non-polluting and, of course, fully returnable.
Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to: Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.
Pet Owner Makes Her Case for Snakes' Obvious Charm
DEAR ABBY: After reading your article about people who are afraid of pets, I had to write. I have dogs, cats and also snakes -- all boa constrictors. While I was growing up, my brothers would come in from working the fields and get a big kick out of throwing snakes on me. I made up my mind I wasn't going to be afraid, so I studied up on snakes and learned everything I could about them -- that's how I started keeping snakes as pets. Now I'm invited to bring my snakes to schools and talk to children so they can decide for themselves whether snakes are good or bad.
Snakes make loving pets. I took my 6 1/2-foot boa constrictor everywhere with me until she got so big I could no longer sneak her into my blouse. Boa constrictors are non-poisonous. They're intelligent, too. When I ask for a kiss, she kisses me on the corner of my mouth.
Once, when she was on the couch with me, she heard someone coming into the house through the sliding glass door -- so she went right after him! (Afterward, the police refused to come in to make the report.) Dogs intimidate people by growling and showing their teeth, but most folks are terrified at the sight of a snake!
Snakes are much easier to care for than a dog or cat. They eat only once every eight or 10 days, and they're not slimy like most people think -- they're smooth and silky.
Before closing, I want to commend you for telling the reader who was terrified to discover a snake coiled up in the corner of her attic, "Why kill it? People don't realize that snakes eat mice and rats, and they're good for the environment." -- KAREN SMALL
DEAR KAREN: Snakes have gotten a bad rap ever since one made its debut in the Garden of Eden.
A few more reasons why snakes make good pets: They're quiet, you never have to walk them -- and you'll never have to worry about anybody stealing them.
DEAR ABBY: "Not Perfect," who says non-smokers should assess their own bad habits before looking down at smokers, seems to think that being an irritant to others is an inevitable part of life. Baloney! The smell of cigarette smoke is repulsive, which is why, for 17 years, I carefully abstained around non-smokers.
Now that I am an ex-smoker, I still have plenty of bad habits, but I am grown up enough to shield other people from them. A partial list: I do not snap my gum, hum overtures or make noxious nasal noises in public. When my windows are open, I keep my stereo down. It is not unreasonable for me to expect such consideration in return, or to be outraged when I don't get it.
No smoker who exercises good manners should be treated like a leper. However, people who light up around strangers, as someone recently did in front of me in the post office, deserve to be treated like the insensitive clods they truly are. -- IMPERFECT BUT POLITE, STATE COLLEGE, PA.
DEAR IMPERFECT: You are right -- it is simply a matter of "good manners," which calls to mind this time-honored quotation by Jonathan Swift (1667-1745), the witty English author of "Gulliver's Travels": "Good manners is the art of making those people easy with whom we converse. Whoever makes the fewest people uneasy, is the best bred in the company."
"How to Be Popular" is an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054. (Postage is included.)