Ask Someone Else's Mom by Susan Writer

New Guy Sends Confusing Messages

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I broke up with my ex in July and recently got on Hinge because all my friends told me to give it a shot.

Last month, I met a guy and we started talking every day for two weeks until we decided to meet up in person. Our first date went great and he immediately planned a home date with me the next night. I really liked him, so I said yes and when I was leaving his place after dinner, he kissed me.

Later that night, he sent me a text saying how he normally takes it really slow and doesn’t kiss on the first few dates, but he really liked the way things were going for us, so decided to go with it. The next day, we went on a double date with a couple of his friends.

Ever since that week, we’ve been hanging out every couple days and talking on the phone and texting every day. He has been initiating all of our talks and hangouts so far, minus a few texts from my end.

Today, we were supposed to hang out with his friends again and he sent me a long text in the afternoon saying that even though he’s been having so much fun with me lately, he’s not quite ready for the pace we’ve been going at.

I am very confused by his text, since he was the one initiating everything and I just kind of went with it. I’m confused if he wants to continue seeing me, but just wants to take things at a slower pace, or if this is his way of wanting to end things.

What is your take? --- GETTING MIXED MESSAGES

DEAR GETTING MIXED MESSAGES: I see nothing wrong with a slow-but-steady policy in the world of dating, especially when either or both parties are coming from a long-term relationship or going into the new one looking for a serious connection.

Something that stood out in your letter is that he’s the one doing nearly all the initiating. Perhaps he’s feeling that he’s putting more into these early days than you are, and he might be reading that as less interest on your part.

Having open, honest, and kind communication is a useful policy at all stages of a relationship. If you like this man enough to continue spending time with him, then I think you should ask him if he wants the same thing — no need for suspense or second-guessing. Once you know the lay of the land, you’ll hopefully have a better idea of what the next steps could or should be.

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