Ask Someone Else's Mom by Susan Writer

Parents Ponder How to Help Financially with Daughter's Wedding

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Our 29-year-old daughter just got engaged to the man she’s been living with for the past two years. We are happy and excited for them. They are planning a big wedding, and although both of them make pretty good money, she thinks they can afford to pay for it all, and we disagree. We don’t want them to start their married life in debt, and we also don’t want to insult them with offers to help foot some of the bills. They are both very proud of their career achievements and their financial independence, but we always planned for paying for at least one of our kids’ weddings, so it’s no big deal for us financially.

Should we risk insulting them, or just let them figure it out by themselves? --- JUST WANT TO HELP

DEAR JUST WANT TO HELP: I don’t see why you shouldn’t throw your offer to help out there to them, just to let them know you’re ready, willing, and able to lend a financial hand. If they say, “Thanks, but no thanks,” respect that. You always have the option of giving them a generous wedding gift that they can apply toward whatever current or future expenses they face as they start their married life together.

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