Ask Someone Else's Mom by Susan Writer

LW Wants Equal Time with Both Sets of In-laws

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I know my wife is super close to her parents, and I like spending time with them. But it seems since we got married, we spend more time with her family than mine. My mom hasn’t said anything about it, but I can tell she feels like we don’t come around too much.

I have mentioned that I’d like to put in more time with my family, and my wife says okay, and then it never happens, or at least it takes a few weeks for her to make time to get to my mom’s house. Both sets of parents live pretty close to us, so it isn’t like we have to do a lot of travelling.

It’s beginning to bug me, and I don’t know what to do to make the situation better. --- LOOKING FOR EQUAL TIME

DEAR LOOKING FOR EQUAL TIME: It’s probably worth it to remind your wife about your desire to spread out your parent time more evenly between the two families. Having “mentioned it to her” sounds as if it’s something that came up casually, and she may not yet understand this is becoming an issue for you, and perhaps your mom.

Since both your families live nearby, maybe you could invite all the in-laws over to your place more often. That way you’d have at least a chance to keep things on a more equitable footing. This is not a substitute for having separate time with each family, but it might help prevent hard feelings down the road by letting both sides know you’re at least making an effort.

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