Ask Natalie by Natalie Bencivenga

About to Marry but Hung Up on Ex?

DEAR NATALIE: I recently proposed to a great girl whom I have been dating for about two years. We have started planning the wedding, and while I am glad to be getting married, I can't help but think about my ex-girlfriend. Recently, she found me on Facebook, and we have reconnected. She lives out of state (reason we broke up) and got married, but has been messaging me that she made a mistake and wants to get a divorce so that we can have another chance. I don't know what to do. I thought she was "the one" at the time. Even though we have been broken up for about five years, I wonder if I'm making the right decision in getting married. Do you think I should pursue her or let it rest? I just worry I won't be able to move forward if she's still on my mind. -- PAST REGRETS

DEAR PAST REGRETS: Well, this sounds like a mess. Disclaimer: Even though I am on social media more hours in the day than I am going to admit in public, I hate that it causes all of us FOMO (Fear of Missing Out). This is a perfect example. Here you are, living life, about to marry and ka-boom! Facebook just blew it up. So what to do now? Tread carefully. Think this through. Five years is a long time to have been apart. Are you the same man you were when you were together? Most likely not, and she's hopefully evolved and grown over the years as well. You have a lot to lose if you jump ship and break your current fiancee's heart. I guess the big question you have to ask yourself is this: Which will hurt more? Walking away from your fiancee or wondering about what could have been with your ex? The world always looks rosier in the rearview mirror, so think long and hard about this. If you are planning on meeting up with your ex, do so in a public place, for coffee (no alcohol!) and with clear limitations set. At that point, though, you may have to tell your fiancee what is going on. If that seems crazy to you, my thoughts exactly. Life has moved on and so should you. 

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)