Ask Natalie by Natalie Bencivenga

Boyfriend offering to pay for implants?

DEAR NATALIE: My boyfriend has always dated girls with big breasts. I, however, was not exactly “blessed” in that department, but it hasn’t ever really bothered me. He recently made a comment about how he would love it if I would get implants. He even offered to pay for them. Since then, I have been feeling incredibly self-conscious and I feel that if I don’t get them, he may break up with me. What do I do? -- DOUBLE “D” WANNABE 

DEAR DOUBLE “D” WANNABE: You know I think “D” stands for? Dump him. Seriously, why are you wasting another second even considering this? If you wanted them for yourself that would be a different story. But the fact that he is making such a “big” deal about this (sorry about the bad pun) is a total turn off. You are much more than the sum of your parts and at the end of the day, don’t you want to be with someone who appreciates you just as you are and respects your bodily autonomy? If you open this door, what’s next? Nose job? Butt implants? The chase after what he wants will never end. Society puts enough pressure on all of us, you don’t need to come home to that nonsense, as well. The only thing I would change is your phone number so he can’t call you again. “A” is for arrivederci!

DEAR NATALIE: My partner and I (of two years) rarely fight, but one topic that continues to wedge in between us is our political views. He is very conservative and I am much more progressive. We got into a big argument over dinner the other night after I told him that I was asked to be in a wedding where one of my closest guy friends is about to marry his long time boyfriend. He has hung out with my friends a million times and always seemed to enjoy their company, but he refuses to come to their “sham” wedding, as he put it. The conversation exploded into a major blow out, with him calling me a “liberal idiot”. We haven’t spoken in three days. He has called me but I refuse to answer the phone. I am still hurt, angry and disgusted by his response to my friends’ pending nuptials. I thought we would go to the wedding together and have a great time, but now, I am embarrassed at even the thought of bringing him there. What do I do? -- A VERY BLUE STATE 

DEAR A VERY BLUE STATE: This is the moment when you realize that sometimes love just ain’t enough. It isn’t enough to love someone for it to work long term. You both must have the same vision for the future. Now, this is not to say that you can’t have very different beliefs, but how do you both want to live? For two years you have been able to co-exist in harmony, but maybe it was because you hadn’t been tested yet by the external forces of the world. His reaction to attending a wedding of two men that knows and has socialized with was over the top. But, we can’t control what people do, we can only control how we respond to it. So, you have a choice to make. You can call him back and say something like: “I am still feeling really hurt and disgusted by what happened the other night. I don’t know why you reacted like that, but I won’t be able to move forward until you apologize and promise me that you will be more open-minded and discuss these issues with respect and civility.” You can also call him and say, “Talk to me like that again and it’s over. O-V-E-R.” Whatever you decide to do, remember that you have to look in the mirror and respect the person you see looking back at you. If he continues with these emotionally abusive outbursts, I wouldn’t wait around to see how bad it can get. And regardless of whether or not he goes, have a lot of fun at that wedding and celebrate love! 

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: With so many networking groups out there, how do you know which one is right for you? Why pick? You can network-hop by trying a different one each month and rotate all of the different ones you come across. With more variety, you are bound to meet all kinds of people who can enrich your professional and personal life, too.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga via email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com.

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)