DEAR HARRIETTE: My grandmother is getting up in age, and I have noticed that she has no filter. She says just about anything to people, and a lot of times it is rude.
She saw my sister for the first time in a long time and my sister has gained quite a bit of weight. The first thing my grandmother said to her was, “Oh, my God. Look at you. You are fat!” She then proceeded to try to hug my sister, who didn’t want to hug her after she had just been insulted. While it is true that my sister got heavy, that was no way to greet her own granddaughter.
That’s not all. If my grandmother doesn’t like what you are wearing, she makes loud comments. If she doesn’t like her meal, she criticizes the cooking. It is endless, and this is different for her. She used to be nice. How can we get her to notice that her comments are hurting people’s feelings? -- Bad Granny, Charlotte, North Carolina
DEAR BAD GRANNY: When your grandmother says unkind things, it is OK for someone to say something to her immediately. When she calls her granddaughter fat, someone can say, “That’s not nice, Grandma.” Or “Please don’t say mean things, Grandma.” This may not stop her, but at least it will acknowledge that the comment was unkind. Sometimes old people do lose their filters. Keep telling her that she is hurting your feelings or being mean. She may hear you sometimes.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)