DEAR HARRIETTE: My teenage daughter has started going into the bathroom directly after every meal. I know this is ringing the alarm for an eating disorder, but she doesn’t do anything in the restroom. I genuinely just think she stands there and waits for us to give her attention and fawn over her. There is no running water, and not even a toilet flush. Should I entertain this behavior by asking her if she needs professional help? “Jenny” has dramatic tendencies, and has even pretended to faint in public. -- Probably on Her Phone, Boston
DEAR PROBABLY ON HER PHONE: Before asking Jenny if she needs professional help, ask her what she’s doing in the bathroom. Express your concern that she goes to the bathroom immediately after meals and lingers there for a long time. Ask what she’s doing while she’s in there. You are correct in being concerned and also smart to think that it could be that this is her private time away from her parents when she can connect with friends, either via social media, texting or a traditional phone call.
You should check her phone to see who she’s been texting and calling. She may balk at this, but it is your right as her parent. If she refuses, you can take the phone away from her for a time. Rather than getting into emotional fisticuffs with Jenny, your goal should be to get her to open up to you. Since you believe she faked a fainting spell, you may want her to see a therapist anyway just to check to see how she’s navigating the teen years. She won’t like that, either, so I recommend making it a requirement rather than an option.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)