DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently learned that a colleague's wife had a double mastectomy due to breast cancer. I feel so bad for the two of them. They got married only a couple of years ago. They have been going on fun vacations and generally seem to have a good life. I hear him sometimes saying things to his friends in the office about their dates and weekend excursions, and whenever she comes to visit him they look so happy together. So imagine how horrible things are now. She is relatively young -- in her early 40s -- and they are just devastated. I want to reach out to be of support, but I don't know her, and he and I are not close. What can I do to let him know I would be happy to help without being obtrusive? -- Thoughtful, Denver
DEAR THOUGHTFUL: The amount of love you have seen between your colleague and his wife, even from afar, means that the two of them have a strong foundation on which to rely during this tough period. That is a blessing.
At the same time, you are wise to keep your distance given that you two are not close. What you can do is to write your colleague a note or buy him a card that expresses your concern for him and his wife. Add a personal message saying that you would be happy to be of support in whatever way he might need.
If you are not a note writer, you can stop by his desk and tell him that you are keeping him and his wife in your thoughts and prayers. Then you can say that you would be honored to help him in any way that he may need. You can check in with him occasionally, but do not become pushy. Many people are very private as they deal with health crises.