Q: I've fallen into a deep hole of credit card debt. I'm spending more than I'm earning every month -- and hopelessly sinking deeper. What can I do?
Jim: Your greatest enemy at this point is inertia. You cannot continue to allow the momentum of the pattern you're in, and your personal fears, to carry you further into financial bondage.
So, what you must do is whatever it takes. Start by attacking both the income and the expense sides of your financial equation. Take on extra work/jobs if you can. Cut spending to the bone. Deny yourself small luxuries and pleasures. Sell whatever possessions you're able to part with. Yes, it's painful, but you'll be glad you did when you start to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
If your situation is really desperate, you may have to downsize and offload an asset (or several) that you prize dearly. Another strategy entails increasing your monthly payments while destroying your credit cards (i.e., no further debt). Choose your highest spending priority -- debt reduction, savings, etc. -- and make those payments first in order to accomplish at least one financial goal each month. Your remaining expenses will then have to fall within your remaining monthly funds. That's a de facto budget.
Most of all, take heart. No matter how hopeless your situation appears, it can be improved -- often with very small and simple initial steps. It's critical to do something, however insignificant it may seem, to begin reversing the trend. The effort will give you a sense of accomplishment, self-worth and control. And you can build on your success by learning how to spend less than you earn over time.
We have information and referrals for good financial practices at FocusOnTheFamily.com. If you'd like to discuss these matters with our staff counselors, call 855-771-HELP (4357).
Q: My preteen wants a social media account. She claims all her friends have one and that it will "totally ruin her social life" if she doesn't get an account. What should I do?
Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: Navigating your preteen's request for a social media account can be challenging, but it's essential to prioritize their well-being over peer pressure. Your child may insist that everyone has an account, but research links social media to declining mental health. Striking a balance between acknowledging their desire and safeguarding their development is crucial.
Some questions to ask yourself, and discuss with your daughter:
-- Is her belief that not having an account will ruin her social life really accurate?
-- What trade-offs will she make by entering the social media sphere?
-- How might this impact her growth, focus and life goals?
-- Are you uneasy about upsetting her? If so, why?
Consider these factors:
-- Social media can be addictive. Researchers have found the dopamine surge from certain social media activities is exceptionally powerful -- comparable to some of the most pleasurable sensations humans can experience.
-- Its influence on perception, requiring your preteen (and you) to navigate possible misinformation.
-- The potential alteration of her attitude, thus impacting her beliefs, emotions and perceptions. All these internal shifts ultimately end up affecting her behaviors.
-- Social media can create intense conflict between parents and children over privacy. If your child perceives social media privacy as their right, it greatly complicates your relationship and the guidance you can offer.
So, take your time and resist the pressure to be the "cool" parent. There's no hurry. From my experience as a therapist, I recommend waiting and considering your child's maturity and trustworthiness, while brainstorming with her about other healthy opportunities to connect socially.
For more practical parenting tips, visit www.FocusOnParenting.com.
Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.
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