DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently discovered that my 20-year-old sister is adopted, and it has left me feeling shocked, confused and betrayed. I'm 25, and my parents never disclosed this information to me nor my sister. We lived our whole lives until now believing we were blood sisters. Our relationship hasn’t changed since the news came out, but it is still life-altering information.
If I’m feeling betrayed, I can’t imagine how my sister feels! Her whole life, she thought that our parents were her blood relatives, but it turns out that some other people whom she has never met are her birth parents. I'm struggling to trust my parents and wondering what else they might still be hiding from my sister and me. It feels like a significant part of my childhood is a lie. How can I rebuild trust with my parents? How can my sister and I address the feelings of betrayal we're experiencing? -- Dealing With Adoption
DEAR DEALING WITH ADOPTION: Do your best to focus on the love you all share with each other. Regardless of whose blood runs in your veins, your sister IS your sister. Try to forgive your parents for not figuring out how to tell you this tender truth sooner. They likely wanted to include her in the family rather than make her feel different. Their intentions were probably good. Now can be the time to learn more from them about their decision and to rekindle the love between you. Consider thinking of this as protection rather than betrayal. I doubt that your parents wanted to hurt either of you in any way. From that approach, you should be able to talk this out and learn. It won’t happen, though, if you are too judgmental.