DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a 29-year-old woman from Phoenix. My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for five years. I thought that he was "the one" for a long time -- until this year when he fell terminally ill. I’ve had to watch him slowly fade away for three months now, and the doctors say he will continue to do so until the end of the year.
I don’t know if I can watch the love of my life die anymore. Every day is a struggle, and I feel an overwhelming mix of sadness, helplessness and heartbreak. I want to be there for him, but at the same time, it's becoming increasingly difficult for me to cope with the emotional toll of his illness.
How can I support my boyfriend during his final days without completely losing myself in the process? I love him dearly, but the thought of losing him is tearing me apart. Any advice on finding strength and making the most of the time we have left together would be greatly appreciated. -- In Sickness?
DEAR IN SICKNESS?: While you and your boyfriend are not married, you are in a long-term, committed relationship. I do not recommend that you walk away now, at the point when he is most vulnerable and in need of your support. Of course things are tough right now. That’s the nature of illness. If his prognosis is terminal, no matter how hard it is at the moment, do your best to stick by his side and support him in whatever ways you can. It would be wise to enlist the support of his family and close friends so that you don’t have to help him on your own.
At the same time, get support for yourself. You need somebody to talk to, a good ear when times get tough. Be with your boyfriend when you can, but also carve out time for yourself. That includes spending time at work, with friends and living your life. Remember to breathe and do your best to have patience.